‘I Thought I Was Going To Die’, Says Capitol Police Officer Who Held Door Open For Protestors On Jan. 6

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a harrowing testimony before the January 6th Committee, Capitol Police Officer Lenny Burbo revealed his paralyzing fear as MAGA terrorist insurrectionist racists stormed the Capitol.

“I stood there, paralyzed by fear as I held the door open so people could enter,” said Burbo. “As boomer after boomer entered the facility in an orderly line and began to take selfies, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I literally thought I was going to die.”

When asked why he had politely held the door open for everyone to enter the building unimpeded, he replied that he feared for his life and that one of the larger rioters had come up to him and said “step aside cupcake” in an intimidating voice.

“I knew my only option was to step aside or be drawn and quartered by a throng of evil bad people who voted for Trump and are also racist,” he said as tears welled up in his eyes.

Officer Burbo has been awarded a medal of bravery since even though he opened the door for rioters, he really didn’t want to do it, and his heart was in the right place.

The FBI has issued a warrant for the man who called Officer Burbo a “cupcake” and is asking anyone with information to call Nancy Pelosi’s office immediately.

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Nonperson
Nonperson

Hyperbole is the currency of any political discussion. “Weapons of Mass Destruction!” “If you like your Doctor, you can keep your Doctor” “Big Beautiful Wall, and Mexico will pay for it” Everything political is just pure bullshit, as always.

Saxons Wrath
Saxons Wrath

When sarcastic hyperbolic goofy stories are actually true in real life, what do we have???
Super stupendous ultradeplorable Clown World XXXXL, V33.0, Freemasonic version.

Ray Jason

“That’s Officer Cupcake” to you!

Anonymous
Anonymous

I and my wife were watching the the former Presidents rally that day, so we saw the whole thing. President Trump stated that if you didn’t go and fight you aren’t going to have a country anymore. Those words “ stirred” the patriots to the violence they later did.
I SAW it all that day. Clearly an act of insurrection.
A life-long republican I’m now a Democrat because the Republican Party chose a man very ill-suited for the position thinking the could control him. Cunning but incompetent, Trump failed at his insurrection attempt.
I hope you are proud of Trump’s accomplishments. What were they? A stain upon our nation!
California Jim

charlotte corday
charlotte corday

It’s “my wife and I”…at least get your grammar correct, even if the comment is retarded.

WTF
WTF

I’d call you a dumb ass but I don’t want to insult dumb asses. Do yourself a favor and ESAD.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran

What a fag.

Novotny
Novotny

CJ, surely you saw the video of the climbers scaling the Capitol wall-at least two stories high-and noticed, as my wife and I did that day, the new, bright yellow 2 inch ropes being used by multiple climbers? Brand new yellow ropes, heavy duty, just like a construction company buys once every couple of years-you know, because they are pretty darn expensive and they cannot afford them more often.

And like us, you looked the very next day for the same video just to make sure you saw what you thought you saw, right? And you discovered the video was nowhere to be seen, right?

Did you ever wonder why every one of the social media platforms quickly deleted that video that clearly showed not patriots, but paid riot instigators with their brand new, expensive climbing gear trying to make it look like the good guys were doing the dirty work, when really it was the bad guys doing illegal acts?

Since you are so good at seeing things why don’t you call the effbeeeye and tell them the true story about how paid riot instigators and not patriots climbed up the walls, encouraged others to do likewise, and then illegally entered the building.

As you know, facts can sometimes be a bitch, can’t they?

And why you are at it, why not learn some writing skills so you don’t look so foolish.

Quiet Mike

Comment Deleted.

overthecliff
overthecliff

This is good but altogether plausible.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran

This will never stop being funny – even if it’s a fake call.

overthecliff
overthecliff

Did the caller say something that wasn’t the truth?

TN Patriot
TN Patriot

It sounds like the FIB wrote the script for that call, otherwise it never would have made it onto Communist News Network.

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