As everyone knows, the news media knows what’s best for us and they always tell the truth. The only problem is that they use really big and complicated words that we simple folk just don’t understand. How will you ever keep up? Well, don’t worry! We prepared this special translation guide just for you, so the next time you’re watching the news you’ll be able to follow along!
1) “Debunked conspiracy theory” = a completely factual event that is 100% true and we don’t like it
2) “This is dangerous misinformation” = we don’t really agree with it but people are still sharing it
3) “Farm animal bacterial infection treatment” = penicillin
4) “Conservative panelist” = guy who once voted for Ronald Reagan, possibly by mistake
5) “Super-spreader event” = gatherings of people we don’t like
6) “This is the end of democracy” = Trump said a thing
7) “Settled science” = a non-reviewed study by a possibly fictitious organization that just came out this morning
8) “Widespread outrage” = 3 people on Twitter got mad
9) “Racist statements” = literally means nothing
10) “Informal gathering of like-minded people that fosters a sense of camaraderie and community among friends and neighbors” = bread lines
11) “Zero” = anywhere from zero to several trillion
12) “Republicans pounce” = uh oh… a Democrat raped someone
13) “Mostly peaceful” = it was hyper-violent but we agree with it
14) “Racist dog whistle” = a super-secret whistle that only racists can hear and only we heard it
15) “Anonymous sources” = we totally made this up
16) “This is an apple” = this is a banana
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“News” = lies
Yes, but much worse…
“News”= destructive (((propaganda))).
Pravda never tells the truth and Izvestia has no information.
“The 2020 election was stolen from Trump” = Donald Trump lost the election because he was a shitty president.
Donnut Tramp is shitty but he didn’t lost the election.
Let’s Go Brandon…….com’on man.
Go ahead Karen
FYI=Finger Yourself Indefinitely!
The TDS is strong in this troll…
Welcome to the Republic of the United States of Banana…
Never seen you here before. Better move on back to Politico or The Hill before someone here tells you to go fuck off and hurt your feelings
2 of which are bots.
I thought this was comedy not Absolute Facts