Waukesha SUV Charged With Six Counts Of Murder

Via The Babylon Bee

WAUKESHA, WI—The 2010 Ford Escape crossover SUV that killed six people and injured many others during a Christmas parade last week on its own accord without the input of any human being whatsoever was charged with six counts of murder, sources confirmed over the weekend.

The vehicle was charged with multiple murder counts during a solemn court hearing Friday and was subsequently transferred to the county jail with bail set at a hefty $1,000,000. The charges came after investigators confirmed the SUV acted alone on its own accord without any accomplices.

“Rest assured — we will hold this dastardly SUV accountable,” said a Waukesha prosecutor. “What this vehicle did to those victims is unconscionable. We will be throwing the book at this car to make sure it can never strike again. Justice will be served, and the people of our city will be able to rest easy knowing that this 2010 Ford Escape is behind bars for good.”

Prosecutors may even be seeking the ultimate penalty for the car, sending it to the salvage yard to be compacted into a metal cube, ending its life and its reign of terror forever.

“May God have mercy on this SUV’s soul.”

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5 Comments
Georges S
Georges S
November 29, 2021 9:15 am

Why do I feel that BabylonBee just discovered the Waukesha’s DA secret indictment?

John Pietrusiewicz
John Pietrusiewicz
November 29, 2021 11:29 am

Mark of the beast. FORD

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
November 29, 2021 12:22 pm

Likely just a few years too early. Will be a common headline once folks like Tesla and others pay off the DOT, NTSB, etc. to allow fully “driverless” vehicles on the road.

B_MC
B_MC
November 29, 2021 7:22 pm

Has anybody checked that SUV’s social media accounts?

“Two days after the violence in Kenosha, @nytimes
found it important to write a 30+ paragraph breakdown of Kyle Rittenhouse’s social media because he supported the police.

For some reason, Brooks’ calls for violence against the types of people he killed hasn’t received attention.”

https://mobile.twitter.com/DrewHolden360/status/1464699842324750352

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