GENEVA — In order to both prod the human population as a whole to sample alternative food sources as well as capitalize on the annual fall craze, officials at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland unveiled their plan to introduce new pumpkin spice-flavored crickets.
“We continue to believe the future of the human race depends on finding more sustainable — and not at all disgusting in any way — sources of food,” said Gustaf Weisenheimer at a press conference announcing the new flavor. “And while crickets are wonderfully delicious by themselves, we wanted to do something very special for the fall season.”
The announcement was met with a mixed response from the public. “I’m a nut for anything pumpkin spice-flavored,” said full-time mother and part-time goat farmer Annie Lupascu, “but crickets? No. That’s gross, no matter what spin you try to put on it.” Others weren’t entirely opposed to trying the new product. “Sure, I’ll try some crickets,” said Caitlin Anderson. “Honestly, I would probably eat a shoe if it was pumpkin spice-flavored.”
There are rumors that this could be a sign of things to come. If the pumpkin spice flavor goes over well with consumers, the WEF has tentative plans to develop other popular cricket flavors, including cheddar & sour scream, flamin’ hot, and cool ranch crickets.
At publishing time, officials were eagerly awaiting word regarding the public’s response while simultaneously denying the allegations that they are actually producing crickets because they are the favorite food of a cabal of secret lizard people overlords ruling the world behind the scenes.
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Auntie thought for certain that the fuckers at WEPH were really going to introduce farmed genetically modified rats for the serf’s nutrition. It still could happen.
Rats-A-Roni the San Fransicko treat.
Rat tail soup & rat on a stick.
I think I had rat on a stick at a chinese buffet one time.
Just add some duck sauce and everything will be fine, comrade.
Also some spicy mustard.
I do not like pumpkin spice and I do not like crickets, so I will give my portion to Klaus.
They can lace it with cocaine and I’m still not consuming it. Gross.
Take the crickets and a 2 cups of sand and pound them rectally for 30 minutes until done.
I bought some of these crickets. They’re not bad dipped in whipped cream. They go well with a hot spiced cider(adult version). After 3 or 5 drinks you won’t need the cream.
Strange times make strange bedfellows. Just imagine PETA actually joining us to fight off Chez Anal Schwab’s Insects-‘R’-Us-Davos.