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It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
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To donate via Stripe, click here.
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Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
Patient: It makes me feel like you are a charlatan who’s ripping me off and laughing behind my back about it. You’re a Democrat, aren’t you?
You went to a therapist. See there’s your problem….
That officer went to see the rapist too.
I remember that skit with Sean Connery.
Bone Apetit
* 4 weeks later *
My tent has been repossessed after property values plummeted when the governor gave all the illegals a spot on a luxury ocean liner with free room and board, medical care, and day care for the kiddies. I now owe 200 grand and have nothing and I’m on the way to jail because I can’t pay my taxes to support the illegals. Can someone please tell me a painless way to kill myself?
Go see your therapist…
He said ‘painless’.
I assure you the therapist won’t feel a thing…
Sure, you can get the Jab, and for free too.
Black Capsule.
It worked for “Painless Pole” Waldowski.
a hand full of fentanyl would do it Bob but with your luck you’d get caught by the fuzz first and spend years with Bruno in the jail?
Why would he want help? I’d pay for his spot.
“Vintage” 90’s?
I got that same box in my garage.
I know that any subject I pontificate on is diminished by the effort, but nevertheless I would like to introduce the Friday Fail Shallow Thought of the Week. Since my every thought is deep as a babbling brook, any idea that crosses the vacuum between my ears is likely to qualify as FF Shallow Thought of the Week, but I don’t want to monopolize the franchise. Anyone is welcome to contribute their thought, not only because I have no say in who says what—and I don’t want any–but because I don’t want to have to think every damn week. I’m retired, and thinking compromises my cherished role as a useless eater.
I’ll go first. This week’s FF Shallow Thought of the Week:
Remember the good old days at work when you said something like, “Hey, darling, has anyone ever told you you have a damn fine ass for a chink?” or, “Hey, boy, you’re a hard worker for a nigger,” and everyone would chuckle except maybe the targets because they couldn’t take a compliment? Well nowadays all you have to say is, “All lives matter,” or “A man is a man,” and you’re out on your ear. If that Kool-Aid pitcher came crashing through the wall right now and sauntered over to blow me, that would be less astonishing than this turn of events.
A short rant this week, Bob. Is everything OK?
“Oh Yeah”.
Let’s see. Big glass of rye and coke; check. Having fun on Friday Fail; check. World hasn’t blown up yet; check. Everything’s great, Mix.
I’ll drink to that…
Give Joe a little time. The weekend is just starting.
It helps to work at a profession that people cannot do without, like doctors, plumbers and electricians to name a few.
Bar tenders too…
liquor store owner
I love this contribution on FF.
They made the perfect choice. Has anyone anywhere ever been better at incompetence?
And incontinence…
https://www.usmessageboard.com/attachments/1598749056864-png.381950/
And his running mate assures no one will do away with him.
If the future has fields planted with bathtubs containing beautiful naked women, I’m looking forward to it.
In the proposed future, they look like the old woman in room 237 of the Overlook Hotel. Sorry.
He’s confused because Brandon isn’t up there… otherwise he’d nail it…
How about fields of catnip?
“Oh, that? That’s just catnip, officer.”
Drowned naked women….
Still with me, Bob?
Shouldn’t the operative question be: “If you can just print money, then why am I working?”
It’s coming…..in the way of UBI. Wait for it. Grapevine says maybe Decemberish.
This gave me an idea for a perfect pickup line at the bar: “Hey, babe, you have 27 bones in your hand. Care for a 28th?”
I didn’t get a hand job but I’ll soon need a nose job.
Damn, I would have settled for a blow job.
My favorite pickup line:
Excuse me, miss. I wonder if you could settle an argument between me and my friend here. Do you think this hanky smells like chloroform?
My fav is “Tickle your ass with a feather?”
Particularly nasty weather.
If I were a prof I’d have typed: Fabulous! Now, for a B take off your top, and if you want extra credit see me after class tomorrow.
Meet me at ——— and I can help you personally.
I’m still at my office working late.
Swing by and we can cover some bases.
Best ending of a movie.
Good one for sure but the Jerk ending was better.
one of a kind and makes you laugh with just one pic.
I think it’s because they cackle all day and they’re constantly pecking at you.
Is this Mrs. P?
Same temperament, but the Mrs has fewer feathers.
What a chicken!
What is it?
What everyone on earth will look like in 100 years!!!
I’m gonna go with a Biden administration cabinet member.
Apparently a downvote attractor.
Boitch
“Oh, that? That’s just catnip, officer.”
Notice that he ain’t lookin’ at the negress.
They don’t look like lesbians?
I auditioned for the pool boy but I didn’t get it. Apparently 2 inches was not sufficient.
…and what about Pizza Bob?
I got the pool boy, Bob.
It really was the pool boy.
I had to clean up the pool between shootings.
Well, it’s probably because I listed my previous employment as a jizz mopper at the Lusty Lady in Seattle, before they closed down…
Bob, this is one of the benefits of using the metric system. 50mm sounds a lot better than 2 inches.
In my first porno, I got a job and the gov fucked me.
Works well to curtail a boring mass as well.
…and in a decent, normally classy place where articles get views, and noble exchange of opinions go back and forth.
Verbal turds in the punchbowl kill the good vibe at any good gathering. Even the light hearted, fun breaks from the gloom. Done purposely, out of spite for party themes and mockery for many of the attendees.
A few regular crashers seem to routinely be squeezing one out, in diverse settings.
Pattern? You betcha.
Best left ignored instead of admired.
Deep thoughts.
Pondering….
All I heard was Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Or, just unwrap a Baby Ruth.
“It’s no big deal.”
–Carl Spackler
Side effects include 6-day boner and exploding spleen. From the caring scientists at Pfizer.
Are you kidding? Have you seen the price of ground beef lately? Buy your own, bitch.
Now that you bring up the subject, why does sour cream have a “best by” date?
Best pickup line a girl ever used on me was:
“I haven’t had sex in 276 days. Do you want to help me so it doesn’t get to 277?
She should’ve said, “Good idea. You be the husband leaving for work.”
(Aren’t I original?)
yes Bob, but as you already confessed you’re not qualified to be the pool boy!
Now that’s a dog that knows what she likes.
But accident rates would go through the roof, despite the slower speeds.
Somebody gonna get rear- ended.
The sign is superfluous.
Two-legged motorboat.
What sign? I didn’t see any sign.
What sign?
took a lot of searching, but I finally found it.
British humor.
Why don’t the suicide bombers ever target the oligarchs? Imams on their payroll?
Speaking of bombers, anybody else notice that car bombings seem to have gone out of style?
I was thinking of this while perusing the Good Old Days column yesterday, and remembering back in the good old days when car bombings were quite popular.
The mob here in the US, IRA over in Ireland, commies in Italy, etc.
What happened?
How did we lose our way?
Have you seen the price of a beater car..damn
Thankfully the 2 in the bottom of the picture are dead.
Now for Soros and Schwab.
The descendants of both Rothschild and Rockefeller are continuing the ruinous march that their predecessors began …
I know you don’t like hearing this, but he knows way more about what’s going on behind the curtain than you and I do. I listen to his words and they match his actions. I am told to hate him by people I have no trust in and who’ve lied to me and you over and over. I simply can’t come up with a reason to hate him.
Words matching actions is a key component.
Hey, he’s white and he hates moslems and faggots.
I’m cool with it.
Trying to tell this exact thing to ppl is just banging my head against the wall. “Orange Putin bad” or in other words Putin Derangement Syndrome.
Because of (((who))) controls our media …
This is what is known in the political world as a slush fund. In fact it’s the classic definition of slush fund.
We subsidize them for their unending work of preventing that many more useless dindus and liberals from being born, or snuffing them right after being born.
Stellar performance, PP.
Margaret Sanger was right.
That smile of his didn’t last very long. Faked out face.
Face it, dude; as soon as you said, “I do,” she’ll henceforth choose veggie sticks over your meat stick.
To all f.f. readers…
our plight is mutual.
Well I could but you might sit on me, and I don’t have a death wish.
Oh! You’re pretty alright, it just a matter of pretty “what”
You are pretty, PRETTY FAT!
Remember those packs of “the pill” you thought were uppers?
Well…
A democrat shopper.
Got here late.
Not much else to say…
You are pretty.. pretty disgusting!!!
they say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder………..not here!
Well, actually, yeah, yeah I can, Tubby. Eat a salad now and then, fats.
This is a NO COMMENT gif.
Please act accordingly…
What? Oh shit, I failed.
Trolololololooooooow.
It’s Edith’s birthday!
The answer to your question is, yes I still want a bite.
Right you are, Ken
And here I thought a thousand bucks against her getting airborne was a safe bet.
Said Starbuck, the scrupulous and steadfast first mate of the Pequod.
Bob, you’re not to blame. we couldn’t see the boat and it must have had at least two engines?
Aye matey, Thar’ she flies. Haha Extended arms for that extra lift.
Yeah. But that didn’t stop her ugly mug from getting dragged through the sand as she stumbled over her own canckles…
That appears to be the closest a human can get to seeing what it is like to be a duck. See waddles across the beach and enters the water for a speedy takeoff.
She’d have to be gorgeous to get away with this without looking gross. Nope.
I don’t think I’ve seen a “nope” from you before, Bob.
Junior mint?
I can let kicking the kid go, but dancing with two men is totally unacceptable.
just another Mormon jamboree?
lucky for him he didn’t dive or he’d be using a straw to get thru life
When not to have an erection.
Fuckn Windex!!!
I recall something about penial fractures last week.
Out like a light.
… like an idiot light …
Just what is it in these morons that makes them consider these stupid stunts? Haven’t any of them ever heard of — you know — gravity and such?
Might’ve been more interesting to watch the truck and trailer flatten the idiot biker.
Unlike Blazing Saddles, this gets funnier every time I see it! LMFAO
And here I thought a thousand bucks for him breaking through the ice was a safe bet.
But look at that melon bounce.
Then the laydown.
Out like a light.
Again.
At least a double melon bounce.
I don’t like to brag but I was behind door number 2 and she got me really horny.
Nutsack SNAPPED!
Backhand FACED!
Perfect 1 1/4 forward flip
Look very closely….his head clips the top of the windshield/roof 1st. His loose arms might indicate he’s out cold during the flip b4 he hits the ground. Maybe?
Accelerated wall FACED!
And we have another
Out like a light.
Wile E always got up and walked away of some sort.
I’m finding this strangely erotic. Is that wrong?
As those perverts at The Chive say, we don’t kink-shame.
Railing faced, payment faced, and bicycle faced…. hat trick.
Trifecta!
Hey, kid, where’d you steal the bike, and are you okay?