‘I’m Sorry I Have To Do This,’ Says Kristi Noem Pumping Shotgun After Puppy Playfully Barks At Mailman

Via The Babylon Bee

PIERRE, SD — After Governor Kristi Noem caught her puppy playfully barking at the mailman today, she broke out her 12-gauge shotgun and apologized for what was about to happen.

“I’m sorry it’s come to this, Max,” said Noem, loading two shells in the magazine. “But you did bark at the mailman, after I specifically asked you not to. Don’t worry, I’ll make it fast.”

According to sources, Governor Noem had only last week blown away her last puppy with an AR-15 after she caught him digging in the garden. “These dogs are just so hard to train,” said Noem, cleaning her rifle. “It’s a shame you have to annihilate a few puppies with high-grade weaponry, but hey – that’s just life on a farm!”

Governor Noem reportedly led her puppy Max down to the infamous gravel pit where she prefers to perform her executions. “Stop dragging your paws, Max. Ugh, you are just the worst,” said Noem as they walked into the puppy graveyard. “Four dozen puppies, and I still haven’t found one that can be trained. Oh, well. Get ready for doggie heaven, Max.”

At publishing time, Democrats had condemned Noem for killing puppies when they aren’t even Jewish.

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72 Comments
hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 11:31 am

Did she actually shoot a dog or something?

k31
k31
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 2:38 pm

She has been demonically evil for a long time.

Puddy
Puddy
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 4:29 pm

It’s what you do with a rebellious animal.
The humans could learn from this woman.
Kill, beasts which are feral or exhibit feral tendencies.

Anonymous
Anonymous
April 28, 2024 11:49 am

Be glad it was not Your Goat. Either.

Kristi Noem Defends Killing Her 14-Month-Old Dog and a Goat

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  Anonymous
April 28, 2024 12:06 pm

That’s a bit weird. And not at all a typical thing to do on a farm, that I know of.

Gary
Gary
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 6:08 pm

These people are more than likely straight up Satanists, especially the ones who put on the mantle of ‘conservative’ and ‘Christian’ etc.

…and no, for anyone wondering, real Satanism isn’t the ‘Hollyweird’ and ‘Churchianity’ horseshit they feed you about a literal demonic entity these creeps worship. Real Satanists don’t worship the ‘devil’, they worship themselves. The 4 tenents of Satanism are: egotism, moral relativism, social Darwinism and eugenics.

Gary
Gary
  Gary
April 28, 2024 6:11 pm

One last thing, if ANYONE is telling you that Satanist worship the ‘Devil’, they either have no idea what they’re telling you OR they are intentionally misleading you! In any case, stop listening to them and tell others to do the same!

Doobie Goober
Doobie Goober
  Gary
April 29, 2024 6:47 am

I don’t care that they’re not worshiping satan properly. They THINK they’re worshiping the devil, they ACT like they believe it, and they do shit that ain’t right…. I’m for “no weird shit around here…”

Harry Lime
Harry Lime
April 28, 2024 12:26 pm

Babylon Bee is good but may have run out of ideas. They did a story on the burning man manifesto making him out to be some loony, talking such nonsense like we are in the midst of a worldwide fascist corp takeover. Gee, how crazy that is. Yet he did something with courage that few would do. Sarcasm is great but you can only take so much. Like Glenn Beck – he fights our takeover now not with action plans but with sarcasm – nice and safe like his Saferoom boy Stu.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Harry Lime
April 28, 2024 12:53 pm

The Bee could not possibly run out of ideas, as the world has not yet run out of loony news.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Harry Lime
April 28, 2024 5:25 pm

If you don’t like parody, don’t read the story it is plainly labeled as being from the Bee. Or would you rather deny others because of what you don’t like? Another petty dictator?
Better yet start your own site, then it will only have posts you approve of on it.

Harry Lime
Harry Lime
  Anonymous
April 28, 2024 11:28 pm

The Bee lost cred when they jumped to Trumps defense because they were afraid of MSM connecting burning man to Trump. Burning man may have gone over the edge but if you read his manifesto it was hardly insane ramblings. Not dissimilar in thoughts to Unabomber who also was right about NWO and totalitarian control. I guess the Bee would not like 99% of the views here as well.

Walsh
Walsh
  Harry Lime
April 29, 2024 5:58 am

Maybe the guy had terminal cancer and decided to make the most of it by stating his case in a way that would get some publicity.

Chuck Manson
Chuck Manson
  Anonymous
April 28, 2024 11:30 pm

No sense makes sense, like that comment.

Paragon
Paragon
April 28, 2024 1:54 pm

How many abortion advocates are infuriated by the death of a dog?

Gary
Gary
  Paragon
April 28, 2024 6:14 pm

They are too stupid to make any type of connection!

Walsh
Walsh
  Gary
April 29, 2024 5:59 am

Many of ’em are in green tents out on the quadrangle waiting for instructions for today’s protest.

walter
walter
April 28, 2024 2:29 pm

Not even Jewish, and already born! Good googly moogly it be bein a crime to kill a born… child… for the moment… but certainly not one who’s still in that pesky birth canal, even just a toe… kill away then, kill away. Thanks democrats, for sucking out loud 24/7/365.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  walter
April 28, 2024 6:11 pm

?

Anonymous
Anonymous
April 28, 2024 2:49 pm

Satanist

Anonymouse
Anonymouse
April 28, 2024 2:59 pm

Sometimes a dog just needs shooting…we have politicians in the same situation, the only difference is I happen to like dogs.

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  Anonymouse
April 28, 2024 3:07 pm

If it has rabies or just attacked and injured someone, I’d say yeah, but just because it isn’t working out as a farm dog?

And for the record, unless it is an incompatible breed for farm life, like a chihuahua, if the dog isn’t “working out”, it’s because you don’t know how to train a dog, not the dog failing to live up to standards. Either way, you couldn’t have found a home for it? At 18 months it isn’t even a fully matured dog.

And to write that in your autobiography?

Once more they shouldn’t be allowed to vote, much less run for office. But we’ll fix that after the collapse.

Anonymouse
Anonymouse
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 3:35 pm

It’s not something you do lightly, it’s something you do because you feel you have to for good reason…don’t judge until you have to pull a trigger. I’ve had six dogs in the course of this life and have only had to shoot one…and it needed to be shot.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymouse
April 28, 2024 5:33 pm

That was the old days. Now you better take it to the vet or risk getting arrested for animal cruelty. It was standard practice in the old days to put your old suffering pet down yourself, usually with tears in your eyes, but there were no vets remotely close enough to do the job. Many couldn’t have afforded a vet anyway. It was just life in a rural area.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Anonymous
April 29, 2024 11:30 am

Then you shoot the asshole(s) making the fuss about it. Shit’s gotta end somewhere. Might as well be right then and there.

anonymous
anonymous
  Anonymouse
April 28, 2024 9:31 pm

I have heard that, if farm dogs cannot be kept from attacking chickens and other such animals, it is common for them to be put down with no regrets.

I never heard of a goat being shot for being mean, though livestock being “harvested” early is common.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  anonymous
April 29, 2024 7:39 am

You have never been around a lot of goats then. Some are very mean and all billy goats are nasty. The only thing a billy goat is good for in my opinion is making sure there are more nanny goats born into the world. I love goat milk and goat cheese.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  anonymous
April 29, 2024 11:31 am

Oh, there BE regrets. That does not forestall the NECESSARY, though.

You sound as if you, also, have practical experience in life!

Everything you said here is totally spot on.

Unreconstructed
Unreconstructed
  Anonymouse
April 28, 2024 10:32 pm

…and it needed to be shot. Like some politicians.

Walsh
Walsh
  Unreconstructed
April 29, 2024 6:01 am

most politicians???

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  Anonymouse
April 29, 2024 7:06 am

You know your situation better than anyone else. I’m not judging anyone on how they choose to handle those things their own property. That’s yours to decide and live with. I just think that dogs have a different kind of relationship with us than livestock and should not be treated the same way you’d deal with a troublesome ground hog.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 11:38 am

Not everyone anthropomorphizes their animals as you do. I agree that dogs are a special case, but that “special-ness” comes from your personal RELATIONSHIP with that individual animal, and not by fact of Nature.

A junk yard dog with no human interaction aside from violence can not be equated with the family poodle! When one starts showing traits of the other? Time to put them down.

POSIWID

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Anonymouse
April 29, 2024 11:54 am

Once they taste your neighbor’s livestock, they’ll NEVER stop. The only responsible thing to do is put them down hard and fast. I’ve seen it play out all my life.

My father couldn’t believe his own brother shot his own pit bulls for killing his neighbor’s sheep. My Uncle told him…you live on that farm long enough and you’ll find yourself doing it too if you ain’t lucky.

Sure enough, Uncle Jim was spot on the money! Saw it myself just a couple years later.

k31
k31
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 3:36 pm

Under 2 and it is foolish to think they have the maturity to control their impulses. Some breeds are more known for that, like Pyrs that almost miraculously calm down and learn to behave at 24 months.

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 6:48 pm

comment image

Looks like we got us a puppy shooter on this platform.

Sue
Sue
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 11:00 pm

My nearest neighbors at my little ranch work their cattle with horses. And they have farm dogs. One – a cattle dog – dearly loved playing with his frisbie but had the really bad habit of nipping at the horses’ heels. Try as they might, they could not break the cattle dog of nipping the horses, which was a bit dangerous. They did not kill the dog. Instead, they found the perfect local home for the little guy with an elderly lady who needed some exercise outdoors. She got the dog and his frisbie. The dog was happy, the lady was happy and my ranching pals got another dog. Noem is an evil b—- on this one. Touting it is lunacy.

Walsh
Walsh
  Sue
April 29, 2024 6:08 am

Joni Ernst made a big deal about being the only girl who would work with the guys on the day the little boy pigs got their nuts cut off. For the uninitiated, it is a real riot when the nearby farm dogs come visit-the picker-upper guy would throw the warm nuggets over the fence to the howling pack for one of the lucky ones to wolf down.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 11:29 am

“killed neighbors chickens”

That’s a fucking death sentence right there…and anyone claiming to live on a farm ought to know that.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymouse
April 28, 2024 5:28 pm

Watch ‘Ole Yeller’. Dog was loved but definitely needed shooting.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Anonymous
April 29, 2024 11:57 am

…or To Kill a Mockingbird.

Shit happens.

Aodh MacRaynall
Aodh MacRaynall
April 28, 2024 3:28 pm

IF, its untrainable, what would you do, girly men.

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  Aodh MacRaynall
April 28, 2024 3:55 pm

Not sure if I fall in the girly man category, but as someone who has raised and trained some pretty spectacular working dogs, here’s a few things to try before you break out the shotty.

A) First, select a breed appropriate to your expectations. If it is a working dog it is always best to observe the dam and sire for their comportment, physiognomy, and temperament before you buy a new puppy. If they aren’t alert, healthy and completely on mark for their breed, look elsewhere.

B) If there is and expectation for the dog to be utilized for various tasks, such as herding or livestock guarding, spend as many hours as possible working with the dog in those areas until you determine how readily- or not- they are able to pick up on their training. This should begin immediately, not after they are no longer a puppy.

C) Spend as many waking hours as possible with the dog outside of training in order to build your alpha bond, no matter what you’re doing or where you’re going to establish the proper relationship required for a working dog. Do not confuse it by having every member of your family try to be the alpha. You control its feeding and training 100% of the time so there is no confusion.

D) If all of these suggestions are followed and the dog still fails to meet the minimum standard by 2 years of age (not 18 months), find it a home with another family or bring it to an adoption shelter.

There may be some untrainable dogs, but usually it’s a human problem.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 5:37 pm

Springer Spaniels are known to get rage syndrome, they have to be put down.

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  Anonymous
April 28, 2024 6:46 pm

Had to look that up, I never heard of it before.

I did notice this-

With proper treatment and management, dogs with Springer Spaniel Rage Syndrome can learn to manage their aggression and live a happy and fulfilling life with their owners.

Since it breed specific (it’s even called Springer Spaniel Rage Syndrome) the person buying that breed should be informed enough to be aware of that probability and do what the experts said above.

If it were me I’d get another breed. Sounds problematic.

Tigger
Tigger
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 3:52 am

Sadly the spaniel breed has suffered terribly from inbreeding.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Tigger
April 29, 2024 7:25 am

All AKC dogs have. AKC breeds only for looks, which destroyed the Irish setters in this country.

anon a moos
anon a moos
  Tigger
April 30, 2024 1:53 am

A lady brought me her cocker spaniel to train. She was terrified of the dog because it would attack and bite her. Even when setting down its dog dish.

I took it in and yup, it would attack me. My kids were 3 and 5 at the time so after a couple week of isolating the dog from the kids, hauling it around with me on the farm and training sessions.

I finally gave the dog back, gave her the name of another guy that didn’t have kids, that ‘might’ be able to train it. If he wasn’t able to take it in then put the dog down. Personally, I wasn’t going to risk my kids getting attacked. And the dog was about two and a half years old.

But yeah, it would go totally bonkers and I’d nearly have to choke it to death just to get it to stop attacking me.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 7:28 am

Had a neighbor with a Springer with rage syndrome. The breeder replaced the dog, and no doubt destroyed the one with the problem. Breeders are not going to waste the time, and most buyers don’t want to take the chance.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  hardscrabble farmer
April 28, 2024 8:32 pm

All great advice. Also it is not hard to train sit, stay, lay down, stand, come, leave it, look at me.

Tigger
Tigger
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 3:48 am

There will always be exceptions but HF is 100% correct with the above advice.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Tigger
April 29, 2024 11:47 am

He’s dancing around the edges of being right. I expect better from someone with such a high opinion of himself over others.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 7:31 am

#1 problem is people not knowing anything about the dog breed they are getting. Watch a cute dog on TV or in a move so they get a pup. Jack Russell and Dalmatians come quickly to mind. Many end up in rescue shelters. Also a couch potato getting a high energy hunting breed, or an apartment liver getting a herding dog that needs a lot of mental and physical stimulation everyday. The dog will end up a problem for them.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  hardscrabble farmer
April 29, 2024 11:45 am

That’s precisely WHY the SAME people keep bringing their dogs back for training every year! We train the DOGS. No one is training their stupid fucking masters! They don’t reinforce it at home. So every year they spent a few thousand dollars to teach their dog what it already knows. What they’re learning is: I have to listen to the trainers with the cattle prods, but I don’t have to listen to my pussy of an owner.

People are STUPID.

anon a moos
anon a moos
  The Central Scrutinizer
April 30, 2024 1:42 am

Yep… nothing there to argue against. Trained my fair share of working and pet stock dogs as well. Its always the same.

People think dogs know english. I tell them that the dogs are way smarter than they are because they learn whatever language spoken to them and the owners don’t know a word of dog. Animals will tell you what they are thinking, they’re always communicating. Learn to read animals and they are easier to train.

I quit training mostly because its the same dumbasses returning because their dog doesn’t listen anymore. Stoopid heads.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Aodh MacRaynall
April 29, 2024 11:41 am

No dog is “untrainable”. It’s a simple matter of VOLTAGE. I’ve trained over a thousand hunting retrievers in my life. Never saw ONE that couldn’t be trained to some degree.

pyrrhus
pyrrhus
April 28, 2024 7:15 pm

Huh? did the dog pee on a jew?

Anonymous
Anonymous
  pyrrhus
April 28, 2024 7:40 pm

Yup. Peed on her.

ILuvCO2
ILuvCO2
April 28, 2024 8:30 pm

I’d sleep with one eye open if I were her husband.

Walsh
Walsh
  ILuvCO2
April 29, 2024 6:40 am

Fact is she hasn’t slept with her husband in over 2 years-they live about a hundred miles apart.

ILuvCO2
ILuvCO2
  Walsh
April 30, 2024 8:48 pm

Smart man. Dick and split.

Treefarmer
Treefarmer
April 28, 2024 11:41 pm

I just had a neighbor shoot their nine year old dog. It developed a taste for chicken at age eight and they spent a year trying to teach it not to kill the chickens. If you’ve lived in farming communities, you know people who have put down “problem” dogs. It’s not my thing, but I’m not at all shocked by her doing it. As for the goat, who cares.

Anonymous
Anonymous
April 29, 2024 12:51 am

Maybe the dog was palestinian

ILuvCO2
ILuvCO2
  Anonymous
April 30, 2024 8:50 pm

Maybe the dog drooled on a hotel pillow.

anonomouse
anonomouse
April 29, 2024 1:53 am

She killed a puppy, a goat and 3 horses because she didn’t like they way they behaved. She’s a psycho.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  anonomouse
April 29, 2024 12:54 pm

‘She’s a psycho”

Well, then. She’s imminently qualified for the position she seeks, is she not?

Walsh
Walsh
April 29, 2024 6:22 am

Beagles often suffer at the hands of idiot hunters who will cull the non-performers in their pack by either leaving them in the woods or shooting them there. Where it is common there are often Beagle Rescue groups that try to make the best of a bad situation. Often the mistreated ones get sent out of state because there are too many of them for their home state to absorb.

For those that don’t know, Beagles are favored for medical research because of their wonderful temperament, plus their moderate size makes for easy handling. The photos of badly abused Beagles in a Dr. Fauci sponsored research program in Tunisia sickened dog owners everywhere.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Walsh
April 29, 2024 11:59 am

Bad owners MAKE bad dogs. It’s as simple as that.

ILuvCO2
ILuvCO2
  The Central Scrutinizer
April 29, 2024 2:26 pm

Well, here’s a rare upvote vote for the scrotimizer.

And stick with herding breeds.

anon a moos
anon a moos
  ILuvCO2
April 30, 2024 1:34 am

He ain’t wrong. Shit stain owners create problem dogs.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Walsh
April 30, 2024 1:47 am

Is there a beagle rescue group that doesn’t have over the top requirements for adoption? Like not having chips and inspections and costs nearly as high as just buying a pup?

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
April 29, 2024 11:49 am

“By GOD, man! I’d strike the Sun if it offended me!” – Captain Ahab

Gretchen
Gretchen
April 30, 2024 12:31 am

She is disgusting. Brought the dog to a gravel pit and shot him. What an evil horrible woman. I hope she does the smart thing and disappears so nobody has to see her face again. Satan can’t wait though to get his claws on her.