We’re well on our way to a socialist utopia. 112 million people don’t have to work for a living, being “employed” to collect government hand-outs, housing and healthcare. And more than another 100 million people have “left the workforce”, meaning life is so good they no longer need to look for a job. Only suckers work for a living, and there’s 80 million more people getting money from the government than people working and paying taxes. Forward!
Unemployment drops to 0% as last worker leaves labor force.
President Obama today became the first to achieve a milestone coveted by enlightened central planners everywhere, as the Bureau of Laborious Statistics announced the much-followed meaningless headline: “U3 unemployment rate for last month was ZERO PERCENT,” which clearly implies that the glorious economic recovery he engineered after the disastrous Bush years has now resulted in full employment.
It appears that Professor Obama succeeded in finding the Holy Grail, which eluded history’s greatest economic thinkers like Lenin, Stalin and Mao. This landmark achievement, along with his establishment of free healthcare for everyone via the Affordable Care Act, cements his reputation as the Greatest Leader in this or any other universe for all time.
The dramatic moment occurred at 12:03 PM, four weeks to the day after Lyman Yilk, a pipe-fitter from Bittcling, Pa, finally gave up looking for work.
Mr. Yilk has been unemployed since 2005, but was on a celebratory bender since the day after Mr. Obama’s first election and failed to notice that the Keystone Pipeline (which Mr. Yilk was hoping to find work on) had been cancelled due to environmental concerns. When he finally sobered up four weeks ago and learned the project was dead, he abandoned his search to find a job.
Mr. Yilk was the last worker to leave the labor force and turned the lights out as he left.
According to the Bureau of Laborious Statistics, “Official unemployment rate (U3) per the ILO definition occurs when people are without jobs and they have actively looked for work within the past four weeks.”
Without Mr. Yilk, there was no one actively looking for work any longer, hence the U3 rate was now zero percent, praise Obama!
Naysayers were quick to note that the labor force participation rate had also dropped to zero percent, which, according to them, was not a good thing as it meant no one was employed. Rep. Nancy Pelosi brilliantly countered their racist, straw-man argument by observing that it also meant no comrade was any longer “job-locked” and each was free to be an artist, writer, or hooker, pursuing their passion.
“There is no underestimating this tremendous achievement of Barack Obama,” said Paul Krugman, an expert on hiding declines and fudging economic statistics, as well as on being the self-proclaimed “Conscious Liberal.”
“Comrade Obama has achieved the socialist dream of freeing all of The People™ from the slavery of work and permitting them to live off someone else’s dime – as God, if he existed, would’ve wanted.”
When asked if he was concerned that since no one was working, there would also be no one to pay for the benefits to all the non-workers, Dr. Krugman responded: “Nonsense! The Fed will simply print money for artists, writers, and hookers so they can buy goods coming from China. What could go wrong?”
“The genius of Dear Leader Barack Obama lies in its simplicity,” Dr. Krugman added.
Now that he has made it look so simple, it’s a wonder no one ever thought of it sooner.
This article is a fitting end to a crappy day. I’ve been fuming all day over how hard it is to get anyone to work anymore. Maybe the best course of action would be to give it up myself.
Here’s something I don’t understand-everyplace seems overrun with foreign nationals. The SO is temping at an investment firm and it’s majority East Indian/Pakistani; my temp place is Russians. Since we don’t have nearly enough jobs for OUR people why doesn’t the US suspend the H1 Visa program and immigration and tell these people to GTFO and go home. Just today the SO saw a bunch of Mexicans wearing blue shirts catching the train near some hotels as if someone was trucking them in for jobs.
Re: KaD, seems to me TPTB “Grand Plan” is to bring illegals and H1B’s (who are just grateful not to be dead in a ditch) to take our jobs since they’ll eat shit and work for same.
The glory days of this country under this gov are dead and gone, my friend. It will take a total reset to improve the standard of living and regain a “middle class”.