Nation’s Cable Companies Announce They’re Just Going To Take $100 From Everyone
NEW YORK—Offering no justification for the action aside from their own desire to do so, executives from the nation’s leading cable companies announced plans Wednesday to take $100 from every one of their subscribers. “At midnight EST tonight, we will deduct exactly $100 from each of our customers’ accounts and, frankly, there is nothing that anyone can do about it,” said Comcast President and CEO Brian L. Roberts in a morning press conference, flanked by like-minded executives from Time Warner, Dish Network, Cox, and numerous other cable companies, all of whom confirmed the non-refundable $100 charge would apply to all subscribers regardless of service package and would most certainly not be applied as credit toward future charges to the account. “The bottom line is we want $100 from you, so we’re just going to take it. As a cable subscriber, you really have no other option here. And we’ll probably do it again in a few weeks, too.” The cable company CEOs added that any subscriber who was dissatisfied with the plan was more than welcome to call their customer service lines.
It’s quickly getting to the point they would only have one or two execs on that podium, as we are merging our way to just that.
And this is barely satire to begin with, those SOBs have been stealing from us for years and years.
One corrupted, contracted, appearance of choice in market/industry after another in this country.
I thought this was real! There’s no onion graphic, just tiny print and I hardly read the headlines, let alone the text! This was TOO close to real life to count as satire and more just a misquote. I am not amused. …well, maybe a little.
I cancel Directv 3 weeks ago. Don’t miss it a bit. I only used to watch it to see what lies the MSM were peddling in the morning. Anyhow they did fuck me for 280.00 in early cancellation fees. Rat bastards.
They asked me why I was cancelling. I told them that I have never had a problem with their service and they do a fine job of providing the garbage that passes for TV nowadays. However, it is garbage none the less. She even agreed with me.
Back in the days of the USSR, consumers had one choice for almost everything. Consumer goods were crap (GM), and “services” were intermittent and unreliable.
That’s the direction the U.S. is heading.