Guest Post by Eric Peters
What do you do when you are a divorced middle-aged dude looking for female companionship? You go online.
One of the pratfalls of this, I’ve discovered, is that most of the online sites are populated by . . . “curvy” chicks.
That is, overweight chicks.
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Often, severely so. Morbidly obese. Most dudes aren’t looking for a date who weighs more than they do. Not me, at any rate. But there they are: One side of beef after the next. I do not mean to be mean.
But why are so many girls so fat?
Lots of fat guys, too – I realize this. But that is neither here nor there since I am neither a fat guy myself nor in the market for one.
Where are all the non-“curvy” women?
And, please – spare me the euphemisms. You are not “curvy.” You are fat. A weighty waddler. A non-portion-controller. You eat too much – and exercise too little. A Porsche 911 is curvy.
You are tubby.
Gawd. Bad enough getting divorced; the psychological/emotional brutality of that. Much worse is the prospect of one Large Marge after the next. Cellulite and diabeetus. Hungry, hungry hippos… .
Truth in advertising. It is not “OKCupid.” It is OCowCupid.
Plenty of Fish?
More like Plenty of Fat.
And what is it with the serial nose rings? Overnight, they abound – like a bad case of carpenter ants.
Are these holes-in-the-nose considered attractive? In a Shaka Zulu kind-of-way, perhaps? Are lip plates and neck-stretch rings next?
Pit hair?
I dunno, maybe it’s on account of me being a Gen Xer, from an era when attractive girls didn’t emulate pygmies of the jungle dark by poking holes in their flesh on purpose. In any event, artificial holes in the body are not appealing. Not healthy, either. Especially in the nose. Think about what is inside the typical nose. Now add a couple of holes – plus a piece of metal to, you know, grab hold of the stuff that tends to flow out of noses… .
Vomitous. Besides which, who wants to kiss a tackle box?
And when every last girl has the same nose ring? It is the female equivalent of the idiotic Van Dyke beard that every other guy now sports. Along with the apparently obligatory barbed wire tattoos that almost all men in their 20s and 30s (and women, too) now have.
Am I alone in regarding tattoos as things for SEALs – and skanks? How does a cartoon or gothic lettering, gangster-style – inked on some chick’s arms and shoulders make her more sexy?
If she already was, she is now less so.
And if she was not . . . ? Recall James Carville’s quip about dragging a $20 bill through a trailer park.
Picture her – not at 25 – but at 55.
A whole box of Viagra will not rouse the flesh, then.
When did mutilation become cool?
But it’s the lemming-like Me-Tooing that annoys me more than the tattoos (and nose rings) themselves. They are as original – and as interesting – as a parking lot full of Camrys.
What may have been novel and daring when the one Bad Girl in the group did it becomes trite when all the girls do it. Especially when they are also fat.
And tattooed.
Toss in a liking for rap or EDM music. Salt with some vocal fry.
Sigh…
Well, the word is the Japanese are near to perfecting the robotic Sex Chick. She looks real, she feels real – and you can get her without nose rings and tattoos and she will never grow “curvy” or divorce you, either.
Plus, when you’re done, you can push the Off button, roll her under the bed and go to sleep, untroubled.
Happy Fourth, everyone…
-Eric
I’m so glad not to be in the dating scene any longer.
It’s way worse with the guys. Trust me. Or at least as bad. Men old enough to be my grandfather not only confused but MAD when someone half their age is not interested in them.
And yes, the uninvited dick pic. Because you know, we may not know you actually have one?
You’re correct Pup.
My wife is from Germany and my wife/dau usually fly over & see my widowed 85yo father in law over Xmas & summer break.
A couple of years ago the church was having a New Year’s Eve dinner/dance,mostly widows/widowers.
They had wine/beer there and my fil does not handle alcohol well.
He started hitting on a woman in her mid 50s and she didn’t want anything to do w/him.
My wife saw what was happening and went over & grabbed him for a dance.As they were walking away he said loud enough for the woman to hear,”She’s not that good looking anyway.”
Nose ring = Snot ring.
Tatted girl = F&F girl.
(F&F – F***k and Forget)
Eric, you don’t understand, all you do is roll these above average women in flour and look for the wet spot. Problem solved!
From the sounds of it, Eric is looking in the age range of the younger set.
I feel Eric’s pain. Makes me glad I’m happily married, even if she is a deep blue, Hillary-voting liberal.
Living with a liberal is better then living with a fat, tattooed, nose-ring sporting woman.
I always said I’d never do a tattooed girl but if I were single today I would probably have to if I wanted anything.
Completely off topic but this is an active thread so I’ll put it here.
The House has voted to sunset Presidential authorization for the use of military force.
It’s not yet law but it’s progress.
http://thehill.com/policy/defense/340330-possible-war-authorization-repeal-reflects-growing-shift-in-gop
There are millions of wonderful traditional Latin and Asian women begging for a chance to love you and make you a wonderful wife for the rest of your life. Beware, no matter how wonderful an American girl seems, if she’s got even the tiniest touch of hidden feminism, it’s a mental disease that will ultimately consume her whole brain and cause her to hate you and try to make your children hate you; she’ll divorce you and take everything you hoped for and worked for all your life; you and your children will suffer the rest of your lives. This is another painful testimony, not an advertisement (honest).
My dtr-in-law is one of those. STEM college grad (biochemistry), from a humble village background, very conservative and religious, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, never used drugs, is polite, respectful, never swears, no tats, no piercings, not overly materialistic (clothing being the weakness) and utterly indifferent to feminism.
Now married and the mom of two toddlers, she stays at home but started up an increasingly successful photography business to bring in some extra cash. The icing on the cake is that she’s very pretty, hasn’t let herself go at all. She has a married sister who is very much the same. Any young man would be wise to follow your advice.
Good women are hard to find in North America these days. I fear for my son as he gets older. I might send him back to his mother’s ancestral homeland (Russia) to find a bride when it is time – an arranged marriage – been threatening him with it for a couple of years. Truthfully, I think he will have a hard time finding a suitable woman here in this day and age. Even the churches are full of liberals and he’s too young for the right minded single women who populate this board.
Good advice there, I have tried to teach my son in order to find a women of character he has to become a man of character and at 22 years old his best chance for long term happiness will probably be a Latin or Asian woman.
I’m sure that based on what I’ve seen living in the country some nice girls still exist.
Volunteer at a good sized hospital. Hospitals are FULL of women. I am a male RN and if I was single again would have no problems. Course, I also prefer women in my own age range as well. The thought of dating someone young enough to be my daughter is gross.
Have you seen the women your own age?
Iska the ageist. I’m proud when I see women my age still taking care of themselves. But in a decent fashion, not the 50+ skanks that dress like teens because they’ve dried up enough to fit into stretchy jeans. You never want to be drunk enough to imagine that one of those is better than sleeping alone. The horror of waking up with one is too painful to imagine. No thanks, I’d rather take my chances at a black concert.
I feel your pain bro. Been there, done that. Not meaning to sound preachy, but my advice to anyone looking for the woman of their dreams is the same advice I gave to my kids when they were young. What kind of man would your dream girl be looking for? We’re talking being realistic here, as this is serious subject matter! Then….. Become that man! Yeah I know, easier said than done. But, what other way is there? No one is saying there’s going to be a 100% success rate, but at the very least if you sincerely try, you will become more of the man you wish to be! Best of luck. PS I enjoy your writing and always look forward to the next installment.
Online dating? Never tried that. I’m living with a lady now and we have our good times & rocky times but for the most part, I enjoy the company. She saw my 2 GSD in the back of my truck and came over and started talking to me. But back in that day, if I saw a woman that caught my fancy, I would approach her and begin a conversation and I don’t mean, is it hot enough out here for you? You can tell fairly quickly if there’s any interest and if not, I always felt it’s better to have been shot down that spend the rest of the day wondering.
The advantage is of course, there’s no deceptive photos and you can immediately tell if you’re attracted, you can speak directly to her and I believe most woman prefer that over thumbing through dozens or 100s or 100s of dozens or whatever of pics & profiles.
Went in the navy, developed a taste for foreign women. Saw a large percentage of the merica girls getting tatted, pierced or becoming liberal harpies. Online girls were mostly crazy and “curvy”.
Stumbled across a traditional minded single asian girl with no kids, she can cook and likes too do so. Jumped in with both feet and never looked back.
Eric, agree 100% with everything you said. Tattoo’s and piercing’s are huge turnoff for me. Why any woman would want to mutilate their God-designed beautiful body is a mystery to me.
Theres no reason you have to only eat at mcdonalds, so why confine your search to america?
Buy a ticket to Manila, or Jakarta, or.. many places, and try again. Plenty of young, hot, feminine women, and your options are nearly endless.
But if youre new to the dating scene in foreign countries, learn what to watch out for from the expats there. Ive gone through a couple bad relationships, some of which were mostly my fault, until I figured out the scoop.
But Ive been in a wonderful and happy relationship for over a year, which would have likely not been possible if I stayed in the US.
Viva Latinas!
Sorry guys, I got the best one, but there are plenty of other pretty damn good ones waiting for you.
No tattoos, they usually wear dresses, very feminine and love the patriarchy. And they don’t give you the silent treatment.
It took a while to get used to telling her what to wear and how to clean the house but I needed to step up my game after being married to a ball buster and getting my every choice questioned.
Glad to see Eric has expanded his commentary from cars to all things you can,.. um,… navigate?
End welfare and soon there will be no new tatoos, big wheels,electronic cigs, booming stereo, nose rings or fatties. Chicago here I come.
Why not just cut out the middleman and hang at Pretty & Plump?
Mentally ill women might be fun in bed, but you don’t LIVE in bed. Also, even if they’re mentally ill they have FEELINGS, and lots of them. Why would you want to bed a woman you don’t have any intention of living with (in any real sense of the word), and find out that
(a) You HURT her;
(B) She’s a stalker, or
(C) She is or knows someone who can shoot straight.
It’s just not WORTH it for a roll in the hay or two; even paying for it you would be farther ahead.
jimbo, I live with that psycho. Silent treatment, snide comments, questioning my every move. The bitch moves through a cycle of feelings all day long. Here I am, the happy camper smiling as I recall a particularly funny comment on TBP and the bitch is radiating negative energy with her Rolodex of emotions. And BL wonders why I’m so mean to Yohimbo sometimes.
Thank God my wife is not like that.
This is how the immigration debate ends. It won’t be over jobs lost or multiculturalism. The sensible, deserving ones (not already happily married) may well choose to emulate Romans and others who refreshed the population via inter-marriage. Sensible choices made for the sake of personal survival and happiness will trump policy debates, and it may not just be men who drive the trend.
Turnabout being fair play, I imagine a woman posting here and saying that chubby ‘gamers’ and ‘men’ without a hint of muscle tone, dudes in cargo pants and beater shirts, etc., are to be avoided – and she’d be right. I’d rather have an Indian engineer for a son-in-law than someone who sports more ink on his skin than Queequeg the Harpooner. (My late mother used to remind us that our British ancestors dyed themselves and worshiped oak trees, so perhaps we’ve just come full circle.)
I explicitly advised my son to avoid an American woman, as others posting here have theirs, too.
The elevation of Trump may turn out to be the last hurrah of a dying blood-line, in a most literal sense.