Woof. Ron Jeremy looks like he fell on some hard times.
I don’t know what cartoon character you are that came to life, but don’t you get sick and tired of little kids running up to you all day and having to pretend your’e a decent human?
Enjoy it while it lasts, you’re days are numbered.
It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
-----------------------------------------------------
To donate via Stripe, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------
Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
Okay, so by now I’m sure you’ve seen the newest thing to take the internet by storm for the next 5-6 days. The yodeling boy at Walmart. Further proving no good deed goes unpunished, he is already a viral meme. Joke all you want, but he managed to jump so far into popularity that he’ll probably miss out on 70-80% of the wedgies he was probably due in life, so good on him.
Short hair combined with a little long flavor in the back never goes out of style. So Who Wears It Better?
Millenials. Looking for a free ride everywhere. Am I right old cranky people?
I’ve seen these walking billboards work for sick people that need a kidney or something, why can’t it work to cure a lonely heart?
Cool story bro…I’m more concerned as to why I thought at first glance he had 2 giant almonds sticking up out of his pants.
Honestly, unless your hair makes a crack sound like a bullwhip when you flip your head around I feel like you’ve wasted however many years it took to grow that. Truthfully even if it makes that whip sound you’ve wasted a bunch of years on that ponytail, but at least there would be like 3 seconds where I’d be like “Oh wow, thats neat.”
Is that a TP tail or did someone just open up a little hole on a giant walking marshmallow peep?
Fantastic, as if riding around with you wasn’t annoying enough, I’ve got to listen to 78 bobbleheads nodding up and down the whole ride.
See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart
JOTD…
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are reportedly from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
—————————-
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________ _
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
____________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
_____________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
_____________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
Whew! I think it’s time for me to change my typical reference of BAR-fly LIEyers to that of BAR-fly LOSERs. And then there are the Hildabeast “MULElers” who will always remain BAR-fly CRIMINALS.
Oral. Lol. My next question would’ve been, “what kind of sex do you want to have with me?”