Guest Post by Darius Foroux
One of the biggest mistakes we make is that we assume we always learn from our mistakes. I’ve met enough people who learned little from their own stupidity. We all know these people. In fact, we probably are these people. You know why? It’s damned hard to learn from your mistakes.
One of the biggest mistakes we make is that we assume we always learn from our mistakes. I’ve met enough people who learned little from their own stupidity.
We all know these people. In fact, we probably are these people. You know why? It’s damned hard to learn from your mistakes. I’ve never met someone who actually enjoyed failing.
Let’s be honest, no one likes to make mistakes, and lose their time, energy, or money. So that’s why we need to make an effort to learn from the things that we wish we didn’t do. The father of functional philosophy and pragmatist philosophy, John Dewey, made that point obvious:
“The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.”
Learning from your mistakes does not happen automatically—it requires thinking and reflection. So here’s my reflection on the lessons I learned from the mistakes I made in my twenties. Here we go.
1. Don’t Think You Know Everything
There’s a word for people who think they know everything: Idiot. I meet idiots all the time. And the reason I recognize them is because I used to be one.
Every time you don’t listen to people smarter than you, when you want to sound smart, or think you know it all—you’re being an idiot. It’s time to move your ego to the side and understand that life is not about impressing others.
It’s about fulfillment, collaboration, and the common good. If you want to achieve those things, you need to be humble. But there’s good news for people who get annoyed by idiots: If they don’t decide to become humble, life will make them humble at some point.
2. Never Blame People For Your Unhappiness
As a child, you’re taken care of by others. That may be your parents, siblings, family members, foster parents, or any other person who takes responsibility. Hence, you assume that someone is responsible for you.
But that’s not true. When you grow up, you are responsible for you. So never look at others when you’re unhappy—it’s not fair to the people in your life. Instead, accept your unhappiness, and then do something about it.
3. Stop Wasting Time On Losers
There’s a big chance the people in your environment don’t strive for the same things as you. At some point in my twenties, I was surrounded by people who dropped out of college, were doing drugs, and went out every week.
But it doesn’t have to be that obvious. Many people live a timid life. People who don’t want anything from life and who spend their time watching tv.
Don’t give your time to those people. The cost is high. You might become one of them.
4. Love Is Not What You Think
Most of us have this twisted idea about life. “I want her to treat me this and this way.” Who are you to claim such a thing? And if the other doesn’t live up to our expectations, we flip out or leave.
That’s called conditional love. Strive for the opposite. I’m still learning this. It’s difficult to let go of your expectations about love. But you have to. Otherwise, you’ll never be happy in your relationship.
5. You Actually Don’t Have A Lot Of Time
When you’re young, you think you have an endless sea of time. You can do anything you want. And then you blink, and you’re celebrating your thirtieth birthday.
It’s a matter of simple math. Just ask yourself these questions:
- How much time am I wasting on things that give me zero fulfillment?
- Do I like my job?
- Do I like the people in my life?
The answers to these questions will give you clarity about how well you’re spending your time.
6. You’re Probably Not As Awesome As You Think
There’s always someone better looking, cooler, smarter, stronger, or you name it, than you. Always.
So stop thinking you’re awesome. Compared to what? Because that statement implies you’re comparing yourself to others. Just be yourself and don’t compare yourself to others.
7. Learning Never Stops
Look, when you stop learning and developing yourself; you’re dead. I’m not kidding. When I got out of college, I stopped learning. Guess what? I felt stuck after two years.
Push yourself to learn something every day. If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.
8. Doing Hard Things Gives You More Pleasure
I always ran away from hard things. Improving yourself, working out, saving money, building a business, helping others, investing time in your relationship—it’s all hard when you do it right.
But doing those hard things will have more return on your life, time, energy, and money. When you do something that requires a lot of effort, you feel good about it. When you’re tired and still go to the gym for a hard work out, you feel a sense of accomplishment and pride that’s unrivaled.
It’s the same with your career. If you’re not doing hard things, don’t be surprised if you don’t feel alive.
9. Being Alone Will Make You More At Peace
It’s a dangerous sign if you can never be alone. I come from a very tightknit family, and I always have had close friends. But I realized that I needed to be alone to grow. So I went on abroad trips by myself.
But that wasn’t enough. I decided to move to London. When you’re alone, you have time to know who you are. When you’re always with others, you’re just a product of the other people in your life. Sometimes you need to distance yourself from others, it will make you a better person.
10. Small Decisions Lead To Big Outcomes
Another drink wouldn’t hurt, right? Sleeping in today is not bad, right? No one cares if I skip my workout today, right? I can easily spend $1500 on a new iPhone, right?
The answer is no, no, no, no, and NO to every other small decision you think has no impact on your life. The truth is that your life is the result of your small decisions.
You are what you do every day. Surprisingly, that’s actually really good news.
That means you can turn your life around today—simply by doing something small that has a good impact on your life.
And what if you keep making mistakes? Who gives a shit!? Just make sure you always learn from it.
Darius Foroux writes about productivity, habits, decision making, and personal finance. His ideas and work have been featured in TIME, NBC, Fast Company, Inc., Observer, and many more publications. Join his free weekly newsletter.
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I’m every bit as awesome as I think I am.
I, too, am as awesome as I think I am. So is Administrator, certainly many contributors to this forum, and a whole bunch of TBP’s commentariat.
Small decisions abound.
Not as small as your dick tho.
A small decision, no doubt.
I am fucking awesome!!
This guy is right on. Don’t spend time at bars, don’t get hammered on weekends, don’t take fucking useless 4 day trips to your ‘best friends wedding’, don’t buy a new BMW when you’re 22. You don’t have as much time as you think.
Instead concentrate on your career / relationship / building a future.
I piss awesomeness.
Small minds, small decisions.
Wow, that’s deep.
So is a well 🙂
Frank, how old are you? Do your parents know you’re posting stuff?
Retired a number of years ago – does that help?
Tommy – next time aim down wind. The results are better.
I am old enough to know that all of these are true. We are our own worst enemy when we are young. A lack of humility and bad choices can make your life far more difficult with no rewards for all the crap you deal with.
These should be posted in every high school in the country.
From the Chinese: “When you can, improve your circumstances. When you cannot, improve yourself.”
Pretty good list. But the advice will go unheeded by almost all of the target audience.
I have told a great many young folks much the same, and almost universally there was no following the advice.
For instance, when a young person wants to know how to go about becoming financially secure, try telling them to work between 70 and 100 hours a week from the age 20 until the age of 30, so as to accumulate twice the experience of their competition. They will NEVER do that, save for a very select few, who will become their bosses in short order.
Try to explain thrift to a young person. No way the average young person will embrace being thrifty. Nope, spend now and repent at leisure. Or explain that college should be a time to learn actual valuable life skills and get a real education – say in STEM courses. Nope – criminology! Psychology! Art history! Alrighty then.
Try telling them to drive an old beater of a car until they can afford 1) to buy and pay off their house, and 2) to pay cash for the new car. Hell no, they have to signify. (In fairness, many are not buying cars anymore – Uber and such being so available). Instead of new cars, they have replaced that debt driven purchase with debt driven travel to various weird and wonderful places. Try telling them to put that off until they can afford that, and se the response.
Try telling them about the need for a strong, steady life partner with similar goals. Good luck with that. “They gotta be hot or I am not interested!” Uh-huh.
Try telling them that missing work is ruinous to a career. That weekends can be used to make extra money (Hell no, that is my time! I earned my time off!). To put down the phone and pick up a book. To not watch TV. To save money and invest.
The young, especially today, are great at screwing themselves. But it is that fact that makes today a special opportunity for any young person that has a dedication to hard-work, thrift, family, education. Those young people will survive and thrive.
Another lesson I found that they could not hear – learn from the mistakes of others, as you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
Your are right-on. I was a millionaire at 32.
The “don’t be a work-a-holic, enjoy yourself” – It’s a line of bullshit. Prevents people from really succeeding. What it is, is focus. Focus, focus, focus – do the very best job – it will pay off.
If you are a millionaire, let’s see that TBP fighting meter tick up a bit will ya? Focus.
Amazing. I’m starting to think down votes are clicked out of spite for the author of a comment,
regardless of its validity.
Sometimes think a down vote should require a reason to be stipulated before allowing submittal.
Bowing to nobody, and I can’t always agree w/ you,
but can recognize real world experience from someone who is successful.
On a smaller scale, my experiences show that which you speak of is truth.
And explains why your commentary is usually sought by some.
-To potentially learn a bit more. As the base article here suggests.
A favorite phrase I use, in evaluating false know-it-alls:
Confidence is attractive, but Arrogance is repulsive. It’s a fine line separating the two.
Personally, I try not to cross it, as arrogance sometimes comes full circle, like a boomerang,
to deliver its painful blow.
Hope you never get tired of the 96% of the crowd subject to Pareto’s Law, that may cause you to disengage. Keep commenting. Your contributions are appreciated.
~L
I think I picked this up on TBP a while back. “Everything happens for reason. Sometimes that reason is that you are stupid and make bad choices.” That is now in needle-point on my kitchen counter as a constant reminder of why I am where I am today. Heard a preacher say years ago that every time you point a finger at someone else, there is always 3 (or four) pointing back at you.