Trump Puts Renowned Paper Salesman Dwight Schrute In Charge Of Choosing Nation’s Healthcare Plan

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump has come out swinging against Democrats’ accusations that he’s weak on healthcare.

Trump has selected a star paper salesman from Scranton, Pennsylvania to choose a good healthcare plan for the nation: Dwight Schrute.

Despite a few scandals, including firing a loaded gun in a workplace and intentionally starting a fire as part of a safety demonstration, Schrute slowly rose through the ranks of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. He served as Assistant to the Regional Manager before being promoted to regional manager after working hard for years to be considered for the position.

Critics have pointed out that assistant to the regional manager doesn’t appear to be a real position listed on Dunder Mifflin’s books.

Schrute said in a statement accepting the difficult task from President Trump: “I don’t believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is: ‘Ow, I hurt my leg; I can’t run. A lion eats me, and I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.”

“This guy will do a fantastic job,” Trump said. “I’ve been assured that he’s a very good person, maybe the best on healthcare. He can slash benefits to the bone, no problem. He’s our guy.”

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6 Comments
motley
motley
May 2, 2019 5:51 pm

Couldn’t do a worse job than all the Einsteins that preceded him ….

NoThanksIJustAte
NoThanksIJustAte
  motley
May 3, 2019 3:08 am

E-X-A-C-T-L-Y

John Galt
John Galt
May 2, 2019 6:41 pm

Not to worry he will resign or be fired within a few weeks….

Anonymous
Anonymous
  John Galt
May 2, 2019 9:42 pm

Hardly; he voted for Hillary, so Comey will explain why no charges are forthcoming.

NoThanksIJustAte
NoThanksIJustAte
May 3, 2019 3:07 am

“Trump Puts Renowned Paper Salesman Dwight Schrute In Charge Of Choosing Nation’s Healthcare Plan”

Why not? You already had this halfwit running your entire country. How quickly you forget.

comment image

bob
bob
  NoThanksIJustAte
May 3, 2019 7:56 am

GWB was certainly the most life-like of all the puppets. Almost just like a real boy.