Congress Members To Wear Barcodes So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they’ve added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.

“Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process,” said a Planned Parenthood representative. “Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans.”

“We hate humans—like, a lot,” the PP rep added.

One major military-industrial complex lobby group, Americans For Bigger Bombs, said they are also in support of the new move.

“When you need to make a quick pit stop at our nation’s legislative body to purchase a few congresspeople to start a new war, you need to do it fast,” said one AFBB lawyer. “An attack on Iran can’t wait while you wheel and deal, wine and dine, and negotiate endlessly. Now, I can just scan and go.”

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9 Comments
musket
musket
June 21, 2019 4:39 pm

Will the bar code have ” use or discard data” so they can be replaced by fresh clowns to make sure they are they best congress clowns that money can buy?

TampaRed
TampaRed
June 21, 2019 4:59 pm

a perfect post 4 this article from the daily caller–
“blunders” by capitol police & democrats cause biggest data theft in senate history–

https://dailycaller.com/2019/06/20/jackson-cosko-democrats-data-theft/?utm_medium=email

monger
monger
June 21, 2019 7:33 pm

Funny until you think darker thoughts and a barcode for each and everyone, everywhere… forever

Anonymous
Anonymous
June 21, 2019 9:15 pm

Considering the fact that the spineless POS’s we have as a governing body the circle jerk of Wall Street to K-Street to Capitol Street is already barcoded with the blood and sweat of bankrupted American citizens at the mercy of the real owners of America . The politicians are nothing but parasitic low life’s playing the game they jury-rigged .
Once in America when you bought a politician they stayed bought but now it requires a continuous flood of cash and goodies to keep them bought so they bring their family members in under cover to increase the take . While pensions are bankrupted and health care increasingly out of reach the bar code is a great idea . Now we won’t have to hear them talk so much

VOTE HARDER
VOTE HARDER
June 21, 2019 9:33 pm

Conservative billionaire Charles Koch told his ultra-rich friends that they face a “life and death” decision whether to keep lobbying for tax breaks and government subsidies.

The best democracy money can buy!

JoMama
JoMama
June 22, 2019 8:27 am

Brilliant Idea! Big time-saver all around…for the buyers and the “bought”.
Scarier thought is when will they put those barcodes on We The People?
Rev 13:17 – No man shall buy or sell, lest they have the mark.

bob
bob
June 22, 2019 10:51 am

Oh, good. That’ll help a shit ton. Then when the Nielson data comes out we can see who is funding who and how it affected the legislators’ individual votes.

TC
TC
  bob
June 22, 2019 11:07 am

No need for Nielsen data to know who is bankrolling congress.