The Pointless Flex

Guest Post by Eric Peters

It’s amazing what you can do in a three-row/eight passenger SUV   . . . but not many people do it anymore.

This 2020 Kia Telluride I’m test-driving right now (reviewed here) can hustle through the curves faster and with less effort and much more margin than my ’76 Trans-Am. Which is no small thing because in its day, the Trans-Am was the best-handling high-performance car made in America. It was designed for speed; everything else was secondary. The Kia is a family hauler.

But it hauls better.

One hand on the wheel through the esses and not even close to pushing it at speeds that would have the Trans-Am’s rear end slip-sliding and near the break-loose point. Its 15×7 inch BF Goodrich radials as dated as the 8-track in the dashboard.

If something solid – a deer or a slower-moving car – appears in the road ahead of me I might as well turn the 8-track up up (KISS, Destroyer) as apply the brakes, both having about the same effect as far as slowing the car down in time.

That’s how far we’ve come in the intervening nearly 50 years.

But we’ve also gone much farther in the other direction.

People no longer like to drive (much less corner) fast. Or they’re afraid to. Either way, they rarely do so. The Kia is wasted on them. A Corvette is absurd.

The Safety Cult has practically destroyed car culture, but – oddly enough – not cars. Which are much more powerful now than they have ever been. This is an across-the-board truth. Any current family sedan accelerates to 60 faster than almost any ’70s muscle car; runs a quicker quarter mile – and has a much higher top speed.

The family sedan’s brakes (which are four wheel discs) stop the car faster, the tires (which will be 17s or 18s at least and probably rated for 130-plus MPH) are grippier  . . . everything is better. And yet, almost everyone goes slower.

Chiefly because they’re terrified of the consequences.

A brutal regime of speed enforcement – of seatbelt enforcement – has supplanted the old regime of reasonableness or at least not-murderousness that used to exist. Guns were rarely drawn on people merely for driving fast.

Today, they’re drawn on people for talking back. Over broken tail-lights.

There have always been radar traps; now there are checkpoints – manned by body armor-wearing stormtroopers trained to regard the wispiest absence of total deference as a “threat” to their Authority.

80 in a 55 used to be a ticket – and that was it. Sometimes, you could talk your way out of it. You could almost always at least talk it over – on almost equal terms. This will sound unbelievable to those under 30 today but before the sun began to wane in the late ’90s, one generally got out of the car after pulling over and walked over to the cop’s car to discuss the matter.

We weren’t under martial law, then. You had to pull a gun or a knife, at least, before a cop would pull his. It took real effort to get yourself cuffed and stuffed.

Things have, as they say, changed.

Today a pull-over for any reason, even the most trivial and non-moving, can lead to life-ruining and even life-ending consequences. You are at the mercy of armed government workers – there are no cops anymore – who don’t need probable cause to force you out of your car and let themselves into your car. Sure, you can say no – which will delay them for the 10 minutes it takes to summon a four-legged AGW and its handler, who will discover probable cause.

Your rights are to Submit – and Obey.

If they find cash on you – any amount – it’s “forfeit” if the AGWs decide they want it. And good luck getting it back, even if they never give you so much as a ticket.

Even if all you end up with is a ticket, it’s the equivalent, these days, of taking out a payday loan at 32 percent interest – only worse because it’s more than 32 percent interest (factor in the insurance-rape for the next 3-5 years the ticket will be used as the pretext for mulcting you).

And if you don’t pay up – even if you literally can’t pay up –  they’ll do more than ruin your credit.

A Hut! Hut! Hutting! has become a much more realistic threat than angry bedouins.

Best to avoid the pull over.

Thus, people hew to the speed limit, try to blend in. They text and chat and zone out. It’s safer.

People have also been conditioned to fear speed as much as speed enforcement. They accelerate tepidly, usually in a pack – no one pulling ahead. This goes for merging, too. Often, people just stop on the ramp, signal – and expect to be let in.

Traffic creeps along accordingly.

At least two generations now have been taught – it has been hammered into them – that it’s not saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafe to drive the way people used to drive when cars had half the power and a third the capability that cars have now.

Today’s road speeds are about what they were in 1970 but 2020 cars are much safer at those same speeds and if speed limits were adjusted to jibe with the increase in the capability of today’s cars – of cars made since the ’90s – highway speeds today should be closer to 90 than the 70 that’s typical.

Instead, people in the main drive slower today than they did back in 1970 – in cars with angry faces, screwed up with rage but no outlet for it.

It’s akin to bodybuilding. Lots of flexing of muscles not used for much of anything.

More absurd, actually – because they don’t even flex.

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10 Comments
IPNW The South Had it Right
IPNW The South Had it Right
August 26, 2019 3:13 pm

The Kia is made in North Korea by North Korean communists.

Cricket
Cricket
  IPNW The South Had it Right
August 26, 2019 4:29 pm

The Kia Telluride is made in the USA and Kia is based in South Korea.
https://www.kmmgusa.com/kia-motors-manufacturing-georgia-begins-production-of-all-new-2020-kia-telluride/

You have to buy a GM if you want a communist made car.

Pequiste
Pequiste
  Cricket
August 26, 2019 8:13 pm

Had a KIA Spectra 5 for the commute. Holy canoli what a fun little car. In four years never did anything but routine maintenance.

A great machine:tight and zippy.

TN Patriot
TN Patriot
August 26, 2019 4:43 pm

Not sure where you live, but when I venture into Memphrica, I never heed the posted speed limit, but go with the flow. Holding up traffic on the 240 speedway is a sure fire way to make the news as the latest drive-by victim or end up being pushed into the wall.

None Ya Biz
None Ya Biz
  TN Patriot
August 26, 2019 7:59 pm

I live in Memphica and I second your amendment!

You are a slave
You are a slave
August 26, 2019 4:47 pm

We weren’t under martial law, then.

That’s correct Eric and whether people know it or not we are under martial law. It doesn’t even have to be declared to be true. The police are now merely extensions of the military. The FBI’s new classification system brands you a terrorist if you disagree with ANYTHING your government tells you. Congress goes along with the Trump Administration’s request to permanently re-authorize the NSA’s de-activated call records program.

Better yet, take a look at “Megacities: Urban Future, the Emerging Complexity,” a Pentagon training video created by the Army for U.S. Special Operations Command.

The training video is only five minutes long, but it says a lot about the government’s mindset, the way its views the citizenry, and the so-called “problems” that the government must be prepared to address in the near future through the use of martial law.

The training video anticipates that all hell will break loose by 2030—that’s barely ten short years away—but the future is here ahead of schedule.

According to the Pentagon training video created by the Army for U.S. Special Operations Command, the U.S. government is grooming its armed forces to solve future domestic political and social problems.

What they’re really talking about is martial law, packaged as a well-meaning and overriding concern for the nation’s security.

read more https://www.strategic-culture.org/news/2019/08/26/american-apocalypse/

Big JiLm
Big JiLm
August 26, 2019 8:33 pm

What’s going on with muscle heads lower buttox???

the philosopher josey wales
the philosopher josey wales
  Big JiLm
August 27, 2019 10:23 am

It’s called striation, an effect of near dehydration and lack of body fat.

People who have immature teenage boys can relate to this article. The kids will go off to the gym to work out for two hours, but can’t take five minutes to put out the fucking trash by themselves.

Constantly seriously annoyed
Constantly seriously annoyed
August 27, 2019 9:37 am

Todays cars weigh more than my old 77 trans am abd cant get out of their own way. I have driven rentals, and even the wifes explorer, if you dont stomp on the gas, it wont go. Theres zero tip in acceleration. Drive my ram, press the gas a little, it goes a little faster. Wifes car, press the gas a little and nothing happens.

the philospher josey wales
the philospher josey wales
  Constantly seriously annoyed
August 27, 2019 10:44 am

Congratulations, Dodgeboy.
You bought a Ram hauler because you couldn’t afford a better-performing modular 5.4 with intercooler and supercharger Ford sold as stock over 15 years ago. Most people can’t drive for shit and only know how to go fast in a straight line, so any “performance” add-ons to a contemporary vehicle is a waste.
I see $100k+ cars driven on East Coast roads that aren’t worth driving on because the fucking union labor won’t patch the roads properly, and besides, it isn’t worth going fast because on the Jersey DorkWay, you’re only going as fast as the a-hole ahead of you.
So save the cash you’d waste on performance add-ons. Drive a Japanese beater and buy beer instead.