I met Ms Freud on a dating website, plentyoffish, about 12 years ago. I saw immediately that she was but a 5’1” Munchkin … not a great fit for 6’7” lumberjack looking dude. Nevertheless, I was captivated by her eyes. They were chock full of compassion, empathy, and they twinkled and smiled. While rummaging through her stuff this morning I came across an old plaque she squirreled away. It said “Two Time Psychologist of The Year Trinitas Hospitals”. She had an avid following. New clients asked for her specifically, and ONLY her. She did everything from convincing at least half a dozen people from committing suicide (really) to helping anorexics overcome their phobia (really) to helping rich Westfield soccer moms cope with their shopping addiction (really). You see, she loved people … all people … and all that matters to her (other than me !!!) was to be there for folks, and help them. Much later she told me that she became this way is the result of her father’s suicide when she was in high school.
So, I emailed her. She responded the same day. We met for coffee at a Starbucks a few days later. We both had been through the hell known as internet dating. In fact, Ms Freud later told me that come hell or high water I was the very last person she’d agree to meet with. We both agreed on the protocol; a 15 minute “meet and greet”, just to see if there’s this elusive thing called “chemistry”, then we would leave, and then either one or the other may or may not call for a “real” date. In other words, a no pressure “wham bam, thank you ma’am” quickie.
Things didn’t turn out that way. We met somewhere around 1PM. We were still there at 10PM when Barnes&Noble closed!! I have never ever been mesmerized by anyone in my life yet, I hung on to EVERY word coming out of her mouth as if she was The Goddess of Eternal Wisdom in the flesh. Truthfully, I knew she was The One I was looking for my whole life after the first hour.
As we were saying our good-byes and exchanging phone numbers I attempted to give her a quick goodbye kiss. I felt I earned it after my marathon speaking session which I estimate consisted of about 40% of all the words I had spoken up to that point in my life. But, she would have none of it. She was a lady, after all.
But, I didn’t want the enchantment to end … to ever end. I suggested (OK, I begged) we go next door to the restaurant for a nightcap. I ordered a tequila… something she had never tasted. I convinced her to try it. Wanting to impress Ms Freud I told the waiter to give his top shelf brand — $14 bucks a shot. I went through the lick-suck-chuck routine. It took her breath away for a few moments and then said, “That was great! Can I have another!” lol She didn’t need a third drink. The little lady can’t hold her liquor and she was already getting a little tipsy. We left about a half hour later. I walked her to her car. Made her promise to call me the moment she got home even though she said she only lived a mile away. And then I bent way down to kiss her …. and she let me!!! Not a French Kiss, mind you. Just a quick peck on the lips. She is a lady, after all. But, the BEST first kiss of all time.
When I got to the hospital yesterday late afternoon Ms Freud was not conscious. There was a big misunderstand about “pulling plugs”. Her living will stated that no machines were to keep her alive in the event of some crash. In her case, the doctors would not put her back on the ventilator. Earlier in the morning her blood pressure spiked to 200 and her oxygen level dropped in the 80’s again. They gave her some meds. By the time I arrived her blood pressure dropped to 143 and her oxygen was at 99%. She didn’t need the respirator to stay alive!! The nurse said she looked remarkably better … and doing better .. than in the morning. I was trying to keep from jumping with joy.
Her daughter (Joy) and husband (Craig) arrived from Chicago around 8PM. Craig is a cardiac nurse at Northwestern in Chicago. He told me he had a vivid dream the night before. Maureen came to him in the dream, tapped him on the shoulder, and simply said “I’ll wait”. It scared him so much so that he woke up out of a deep sleep.
Craig is not a particularly religious guy. Before getting his nursing degree he got an aeronautics degree from Purdue University. A real smarty-pants who has no use whatsoever for organized religion, but he does believe in God. It is a belief born from the pain of losing his infant daughter about 7 years ago … a pain he shared through tears with me this very morning. He said that he too considered suicide very seriously, and it is only his belief in God, and that there is another life/dimension beyond this earthly plane, and that he will again see his daughter, which allows him to even function in the here and now. Makes a lot of sense to me. I don’t know how anyone who has ever lost a person they love very very much — how can they cope with the idea that they will never see that person again? I think it would be better if we all just blew our brains out . I cope by having hope. My dad when he saw me crying over him chided me by saying “I have hope. Without hope we have nothing”.
Immediately upon entering the room Craig looked at all the instruments, and their numbers, and their incessant bleeping, and even smelled her breath. He than said something to the effect that it doesn’t look good for Maureen. I got into quite a heated discussion with Craig – my first one ever since I’ve known him — I basically told him to shut his damned mouth, stop being such a know-it-all Negative Nancy, or just fly the hell back to Chicago. I pretty much surprised everyone in the room with that uncharacteristic outburst. Nevertheless, he pretty much kept silent the rest of the evening. Until about 10:55PM.
He said “it’s time”. Ms Freud’s breathing had increased to rapid shallow breathing, and then it would stop for a second or two, then resume. He said he knew what Ms. Freud meant – she would wait to die until the people she loved most were all in the room together. He asked if we could all hold hands. There we were, Ms. Freud being held by her circle of love.
She died at 11:04PM.
It was a death totally free of pain, surrounded by love. Her tiny little lungs had enough, and she decided now was the time to go.
She never regained consciousness yesterday. The last time she was conscious was exactly at midnight the night before. I was leaving to go home to sleep. I sang to her “You are my sunshine”. I then kissed her on the lips. Not a French Kiss, mind you. She’s a lady after all. Then, she then took my hand, lifted my fingers to her lips, and kissed them.
It would be my last kiss ever from ever … and even more memorable than the first one.
I love you Maureen more than life itself. Wait for me. I’ll be with you again, my love.
—————————————-
(I probably won’t be posting for a while. Don’t worry. I’ll be back when my heart is healed. It’s probably gonna take a while. But, I’ll be reading)
Blessings
=============
I’ve been a lurker here for years…never posted bc it seems like such a boys’ club. But this just reduced me to tears. Dear Stucky, so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your Maureen. She was a very lucky woman to be loved like that.
Wanted to post some STT on the New music thread, but it was too crashy-y. This one is for Stucky.
Miss_Mary, thank you for your condolences to Stucky.
I hope you will comment more often and not just be a lurker. There’s a decent amount of females here, including myself, Maggie, Mygirl…maybe, Chubby Bubbles, T4C and Mary Christine — and that’s just off the top of my head. There are more. With more women, we can thin our the boy’s club. 🙂 Just kidding. We all have loud voices here. And there’s no censorship, which is a plus. If you’ve been a lurker that long, you know what to expect. So join the shitfest.
And Gayle
Avalon, Paula, KaD, Agnes
Suzanna, Annie
No disrespect to the ladies I didn’t mention. I was just trying to give a quick example. There’s a lot of wonderful women on this site.
Let’s not forget Real Estate Pup.
they wuz complimenting your comment VeeVee, not chastising ya for who ya missed. but, your sentiment is unnerstandable.
sometimes tough to remember all,
when grouping shout-outs & hat tips.
so, others chime in.
agreed. there are a lot of wonderful wymenz that hang out here and check in from time to time.
-and it’s a better place because of their presence.
they add value, to this predominantly men den.
Hello Gayle. AND You Know Who, too. I won’t tell. They’ll banish us, you know.
https://pictorial.jezebel.com/the-sweet-savage-sexual-revolution-that-set-the-romanc-1789687801
Am working (offline) on a project related to this piece. Coyote thinks I’m trying to turn TBP into a Penthouse Forum tell all but what I’m really trying to do is figure out how I managed to be convinced that reading a piece of trashy literature and paying $3.99 plus tax for the privilege of doing again and again (same story, different names) was more interesting than my Calculus homework when I was in high school. Good ggrief, calculus is NOW fascinating and the trashy literature in the trash.
Am planning to Title it “For (Real) Women Only: Subtitled something” to honor the big Stuckenheimer. I will try hard to offend as many of the new genders as I can and entice a shitfest worthy of any of the big lumberjack looking dudes shitfests. (((Stucky)))
Who can tell me what color Ginny’s hair was when she begged the handsome Vaquero Stephan (later Steve) to take away her pesky virginity because she was ALMOST seventeen and, well, let’s face it ladies, Steve was HOT wasn’t he?
Who remembers? Ladies? Even Anonymously?
I hope you will join the debate when I get it posted. I’m trying to wrap my hands around a topic that began at a Tree a long time ago. In the beginning, some say.
Scan the article and gather some thoughts to share. One way or the other.
I’m all choked up. Thank you for that. I hope Stucky sees it and is as touched as we are. Thanks vv.
It’s so hard to endure these things. I’m so sorry, Stucky.
Agnus Dei – Samuel Barber — One of the most beautiful songs ever.
Nancy and Michael
Yessir, you will. Until then, I think that you’ll have a beautiful angel watching over you.
Stucky- I am deeply, deeply sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved little Munchkin. You have had so much to deal with in the last few years.
Please know that we are thinking of you at this time. BL
Hi, Stucky
You wrote that you’ll be reading, but not commenting for awhile. So I figure you’ll see this.
Yesterday we had a Celebration of Life for a dear friend, Toni. Her husband, Pete, has been a friend and classmate since the 7th grade. She fought pancreatic cancer for several years and it finally, suddenly, overwhelmed her in just a few weeks. As you know as well as anybody, Pete was crushed. They had been married for about 40 years. She was only 59. As my friend Norm said, she was truly unique, a force of nature.
The outpouring of support was incredible, with hundreds gathering in our Memorial Building to share the grief and stand with the family. There were hours of laughing and crying, and a splendid potluck feast furnished by at least a hundred different people.
Well, in the midst of your sorrow, as every day is a struggle to even keep your sanity, remember that the people here are your family, too. You don’t have to speak. Just read the comments, as we continue on with the daily living, and take comfort in knowing that we will all be thinking of you at the oddest times and praying, probably in the oddest ways at times.
There will be hard times for you, and there will be moments of fond reflection for Maureen.
Stand fast, Brother, stand fast. You are not alone, even though there will be times when it seems so.
I think I’ll stir some shit, somewhere on one of these posts, just for you.
I’ve got my For Real Women Only piece from 7000 to 5800 words. I’m aiming for 2500 or less.
When I’ve edited it so much it no longer makes any sense at all, I will know it is ready and submit it.
That sounds like Jack Nicholson’s formula for writing women.