Guest Post by Mary Christine
The obvious answer to that question is the loss of a loved one. Grief is not reserved only for the death of a loved one. We grieve over all kinds of losses. Our pets, our health, a body part, a house, a job loss, our dignity. The grief, and how we walk through it, will be different depending on the type of loss.
A few weeks ago, I had to go to the DMV to get a new drivers license. Going to the DMV is never fun but I was prepared for a wait. My license still had a year to go before it would expire but I needed an updated license with the correct address on it. It was correct in the database so I didn’t even consider I would need some additional piece of ID with the new address. After an hour wait, I was informed that I would need to produce that piece in order to get the new license. Fortunately, I could run to the bank not too far from there and have them print out the first page of my statement with the address and that would be sufficient. They gave me a place holder so that when I returned, I could jump to the front of the line. Slightly inconvenient but no big deal, really.
In my state, you have a choice to get the REAL ID compliant license or a regular license. In October of 2020, REAL ID will be a requirement in order to fly domestically, enter certain Federal Buildings, military bases and nuclear facilities. While I was waiting, I picked up the brochure that listed the documentation needed to acquire the REAL ID compliant license. If you already have one, then you know the requirements: birth certificate or passport, social security card or some legal document with ss number on it, two documents to show proof of state residency, and if applicable, documentation of name change. Basically, this is the same documentation that you would need to get a passport.
On the way home I was overtaken by a bit of road rage when someone sped up behind me, flashed their lights and hung on my tail until I moved out of the way into the right lane. I was in the process of passing, obviously not fast enough for them but I could not get over until I got around the cars next to me or dropped my speed and slipped behind them. I usually just shrug off these types of incidents, get over and out of the way. Not this time. As soon as they passed, I pulled out behind them and gave them some of their own medicine at which point they slammed on their brakes…in the fast lane…during the rush hour time of day. This type of behavior is not like me but today I was not myself. I followed them like that for 10 miles until I needed to turn.
As I drove down the country roads that lead to my house, I burst into tears. Believe me when I tell you that I am not a crier and my better half will attest to that. More behavior that is not like me. By the time I reached my driveway the tears had passed. But I was agitated and unable to pinpoint the reason for it. My husband was out of town on business and when I talked to him later that evening I told him what had happened, including the road rage incident. He wouldn’t scold me because for one thing, he knows that type of behavior is nearly unheard of coming from me. And for another, it would be the pot calling the kettle black. I emailed a friend to relate the same story. It bothered me that I could not pinpoint the reason for being upset.
The next day, out of the blue, more tears. “This is ridiculous!” I kept thinking. “What on earth is my problem?” Then as quickly as it started, it stopped. But wondering why it started in the first place kept me thinking about it for the rest of the day. I slept on it.
Sometime after I woke up the next morning it suddenly occurred to me what my problem was. As weird as it may seem, I was grieving for my country. The trip to the DMV was the trigger. To be exact, it wasn’t the DMV. It was reading about the necessary document requirements for the REAL ID that was the trigger.
I hate to use the word “trigger” because it has been co-opted and used improperly by the media and academia. I’ve had some training as a lay grief counselor. A grief trigger is anything that will remind us of the loss we have endured, whether recent or not. It can be a big thing, like a birthday or anniversary. Or it can be something you would not even expect such as walking down the cereal aisle in the grocery store and spotting a box of oatmeal. Because your loved one always ate oatmeal you are overcome with a wave of grief. Months, or even years can pass, and you can still experience moments of grief like this. They seem to pop up out of nowhere.
On my way home from the DMV that day I kept thinking about how we will be required to show the REAL ID drivers license or a passport to fly domestically. This is supposed to keep us safer. The suspicion is that this will not stop with airline travel. It will eventually have to be shown for all kinds of travel. Unfortunately, it won’t be necessary to show it in order to vote. But this is not specifically about that particular issue. Others have written extensively about our incremental loss of freedoms over the years. I have no idea why this particular issue was the trigger for me. Loss of freedom is not one of the losses I ever expected to grieve but there it is.
Maybe a review of what the 5 stages of grief are is a good idea. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
“ While these emotions and experiences are common in those grieving a loss, the term “stages” is misleading. There is no straight path or progression of emotions that mourners follow. There is no timeline. Grief is unpredictable, with good days and bad days. We never “get over” the loss of a loved one. Each individual and each loss will have its own unique process for healing.
What a mourner is experiencing today may fade and be replaced with other reactions. It is not a linear process. Mourners may circle back to emotions. The bereaved may go through a period of time when they feel at peace and then return to sadness. All of this is normal.”
The 5 stages link is a good reference for anyone dealing with a loss, also for those who want to support someone dealing with a loss. Personally, I would quibble with using the word “depression”. In my opinion it should be changed to “profound sadness”. There may be days where it feels like depression. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep or you sleep all the time. You can’t manage simple tasks because they seem overwhelming. But it should be a “bad day or few days” situation and should not continue for very long. If it does it can turn into classic clinical depression. Pay attention if someone says they are worried about you.
Is it a proper thing to grieve for one’s country? Is it the country I’m grieving for or the way of life that I have had that I fear my children and, particularly my grandchildren, will not have? Are they one and the same?
We have had more than one discussion about how we ended up in the place we are at now. Lots of blame gets thrown around.
In trying to come up with an analogy, I settled on a family dealing with a loved one in the throes of substance abuse.
A family member that has serious mental issues compounded by substance abuse will cause an uproar for the rest of the family. The 5 stages of grief will apply in this instance. Since everyone goes through those stages at different times the person continues to get worse while the family argues about the problem. There is always an enabler who makes the problem worse. Nothing gets accomplished when someone is still in denial about the substance abuse and mental issues. Sometimes the enabler never stops enabling. They stay in denial until someone, either the enabler or the substance abuser, dies. In cases where all of the functioning family members have entered the acceptance stage, a plan can be made to get help for the dysfunctional family member. When they are all cooperating, recovery can restore the family and things get better.
This is far from a perfect analogy but on a micro-level it can be compared with how the rest of our countrymen are dealing with the problems we have in this dis-United States. How many times have those of us who are past the denial stage been left frustrated and perplexed when we try to convince friends and family how dire things are at this point in history?
Everyone moves through these stages at different times. You can throw all the information in the world at them and if they are not ready to face it, they can’t be pushed through them. It doesn’t help that The Powers That Be would like us to stay in denial forever. We are so much easier to manipulate when we are in that state.
In my opinion, there are still far too many people in the denial stage. Even people with whom we can agree on what our problems are still are convinced we can vote our way out of this. It’s the classic definition of insanity. How many times does it take to see that no matter who the President is, we still end up worse off than we were before? We can argue over the reasons why our current President hasn’t kept the promises he made on the campaign trail in 2016 but it doesn’t matter. I won’t make a list of how much worse off we are now than four years ago. Jim Quinn has just done a fine job of that in his most recent 2 part essay.
Some will say that I’m a pessimist. I will insist that you are in denial. Powerful people are anti-bill of rights. Our three letter agencies are corrupt and need to be dismantled. Case in point, last November, one of them released this report. It is designed to try to predict crime based on past incidents. It’s full of charts and graphs and bases its conclusions on a study of only 52 incidents between the years of 1972 and 2015. I don’t blame you if you don’t read it but it’s not really that long. This tells you who they think the enemy is. Here are a couple of highlights.
A message written by Christopher Wray states:
“Bystanders need guidance to recognize concerning behaviors and overcome natural resistance to reporting. Just as important as early recognition by bystanders is the need to have well-trained, skilled, and competent receivers of that reporting – individuals who can assess potential threats and share information with other stakeholders so that they can gather additional information, further assess the threat, and take action to mitigate that threat. “
Further down you will see this as part of the conclusion:
“The offenders in the anti-government violent extremism category (n=13, 25%) adhered to a range of ideologies, from those that endorsed the belief that the current government was corrupt to those that were against the idea of government itself. Many of the anti-government extremists in the study shared the conviction that part or all of the United States government had been corrupted. Offenders sometimes expressed belief in a global conspiracy, or “New World Order,” which purportedly seeks to seize property and rights away from citizens”
However, in the introduction they admit:
“Predicting lone offender terrorism incidents is not possible, but prior research and operational experience support the conclusion that acts of targeted violence, including lone offender terrorist attacks, may be preventable through early recognition and reporting of concerning behavior.”
Remember “If you see something, say something”? Thank you, Janet Napolitano for spreading this worldwide but leaving it so general that “something” can be “anything”. Other agencies thought this was such a good idea they have expanded upon it.
I said I wasn’t going get specific but in my research, I accidentally came across this while looking for something else. It’s just one of many reasons to grieve which is the topic of this essay, so I shall further try to refrain from being specific.
Where was I? Oh yes, denial and our frustration with our fellow citizens who are still in it. Denial can be a very useful tool when we are processing through grief. In the first stage of dealing with a loss, denial allows us to function. In the case of the loss of a loved one there are immediate funeral arrangements and the subsequent mounds of paperwork to get through.
A week before Thanksgiving 2015 I received a breast cancer diagnosis. In between that time and Christmas, I had CT scans and consultations with 2 surgeons. A bi-lateral mastectomy was scheduled for January 5th, two days after my birthday. Denial served me well during those weeks. I didn’t whine and cry and mope around. We had lots of fun during those holidays. Friends and family kept saying things like “You sure are taking this well!”. I really didn’t know what to say when someone said something like that to me. I just laughed it off.
Sometimes it takes a punch in the gut, so to speak, to push you into the next stage. For me, it was looking at myself in the mirror a few days after my surgery. Yeah, it was pretty jarring. I did experience anger. I bargained, knowing I had some rough chemo coming up that I really didn’t want to go through. I don’t think acceptance came until after I was done with the chemo and I was getting some of my strength back. You can’t move on with your life until acceptance comes. And, remember, no one can push you through those stages. You move through them at your own unique pace.
When we have a loved one who has been given a diagnosis of “I’m sorry, there is no cure”, we all have to go through those stages at our own pace. Family members argue because they are in different stages. Our country is our “loved one”. By country, you all know I mean the one we grew up in; the one that gave us a paper driver’s license that didn’t need a picture. Well, maybe a picture isn’t such a bad idea but originally, it was just a piece of paper that said we could drive a car responsibly and knew the local driving laws. That’s all it was for, period. Even longer ago, there were no certificates of live birth. Families recorded births and deaths in the family bible.
While denial is a useful stage, it becomes a problem if it lasts too long. Any of those stages becomes a problem if we get stuck in them. Grief counseling is useful when that happens. But what kind of grief counseling is there for our fellow citizens who are stuck in denial and refuse to believe we are living in a country that is suffering from death by a thousand cuts?
Is grief appropriate or am I just weird? Don’t answer that. I found I wasn’t alone in my grief. This lady cried, too. And after hearing this story I can understand why.
I don’t expect people to burst into tears after going to the DMV like I did. That was my trigger. My “oatmeal” so to speak. We have some hard times ahead of us. Just as there is no way to prepare ourselves mentally for the loss of a loved one, I don’t think there is any way to be mentally prepared for what is to come. I do think that it will bring more grief. It would be nice if most of us could be on the same page at the same time but that’s not in any way realistic. I don’t have a solution to this dilemma other than to wait until more people start to realize that that the patient is terminal and hope it doesn’t take much longer. Because we are running out of time. And I feel the need to stress that acceptance does not mean that we just give up and accept the future that The Powers That Be have in mind. It means that we can make a plan for where we should go from here.
For now, we should enjoy what time we have left. I don’t mean that we should shift back into denial, if that’s even possible. But getting away from the bad news we tend to wallow in is a way to keep ourselves healthy. Indulge in some guilty pleasures. Help out your neighbors.
I have a couple of my own guilty pleasures I will share. I have a soaker tub that I fill up a couple times a week with really hot water. I drop some lavender essential oil in it and soak until it gets too cool for me or my skin turns pruney, whichever comes first. I know, hot water is bad for the skin. Lots of lotion gets slathered on afterward.
My husband and I have a “happy hour” about once a week. We turn on music, make cocktails and hang out with our two dogs and two cats. If it’s warm we are out on the patio, if it’s cold, we are in the shop. The animals don’t come in the house, so we go to them.
To get away from bad news, I listen to a local afternoon radio show that is “news talk” in name only. They avoid politics unless it local and they make me laugh more often, than not. It tends to be sophomoric in humor which fits my sense of humor quite well.
Just one more thought for those grieving the loss of a loved one and wondering why God took this wonderful person and leaves horrible people still here seemingly enjoying life. Scripture is mostly silent on this issue, but I did find it addressed in one place some years ago and bookmarked it because I knew I would need it in the future.
Good people pass away;
the godly often die before their time.
But no one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand
that God is protecting them from the evil to come.
For those who follow godly paths
will rest in peace when they die. Isaiah 57:1-2 (NLT)
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No comment. Thank you.
Actually, that was me a couple days ago, but some things don’t always have to be said right away.
It was a beautiful essay at a timely moment.
When I really try to analyse what makes my heart heaviest in my chest, I realize it is a sense of the loss for what could have been, and, in our hearts we know should have been.
I hope you take a few moments and listen to this at least (watch it if Barbara doesn’t enrage you like she does my husband) . I can remember so many things related to this song and I am planning to put together a nice photo essay using the song in the background.
I do cry a bit when I think about how the entire world changed so drastically for all of us then. It was rushing toward us and instead of moving to higher ground, we were rushing back.
One of these days we shall lunch in some city near thee or me, but not in this icy mess, so God Bless.
If nothing else, folks griping about the songwriter and the movie’s politics will take you beyond 100!
I can’t believe I didn’t get one Babs hater!
Yes, Mags, I’m a Babs hater. You got one.
It was a beautiful song and the movie was actually quite well done. It was a damn shame she had to insert herself into both.
I don’t care for her either. The song? Makes a spectacular background for photo essays at reunions and memorials.
I don’t like Babs the person but she is a very good actress.
We will have some decent weather soon. I hope. Florida is calling my name. Crazy people and all.
I have that picture hanging in my bedroom. My mother had one in the house as well and I grew up looking at it.
We had an old framed print my grandmother gave my sister and I. I imagine my sister got it if she was smart!
I bought the Guardian Angel blanket last year for some kids I am fond of.
I hung a wall decoration with the image on my son’s wall, near his doorway. I tossed it in his “to go” box one day. If it is really a “guardian” angel, it will stick to him somehow.
My son does not wax poetic very often. However, today he told me that he was feeling kind of sad for his generation because in spite of always having the latest gadget and gizmo available, he realizes how hard it is for any one segment of his generation to even converse with any other segment.
He said he pretty much decided to get his finances in order while focusing on learning the types of machine languages he needs to know to do what he hopes to do in the coming “Big Change” and I handed my son The Fourth Turning by Strauss and Howe when he was 19. He read it in a couple of days, then said he thought it sounded about right. He still thinks the generations work except he couldn’t imagine who the artists or poets are who might inspire a better world instead of a new dark age. He thinks Artificial Intelligence should restructure the world for mankind in a more rational way. A pragmatic brat.
I’ve mentioned that my son may or may not have Aspergers personality disorder. Well, according to him, now, he thinks he does not. He says he has come to realize the data mining he is helping facilitate in the Medical Data World is patterned on the same sort of relational correlations the CIA uses (he says as if he knows) when searching for certain persons on the internet. He then made a snarky remark about all my conspiracy theorist friends and is positive I’m on someone’s radar somewhere.
He explained to me that the reason the relational (lacking a better word, he said, he chose “correlations”) correlations work the same is because they are the same.
The same algorithm that tells the pharmaceutical company you have symptoms of depression because of a google search you performed can tell the CIA if any of your known characters or “hangouts” have been activated by any of your known aliases. Relations are relations.
He further explained personality disorders are really very useful for prescribing medicine that makes no real difference but does no harm. He told me the algorithm to find and target people with personality disorders is very successful at generating clients for counselors and prescriptions for certain medications. Same with “depression.” Do no harm but make a little money.
He says the work he does is intended to maximize the company’s market share. Hopefully, it speeds up medical services and delivery systems. But, first, increase market share.
Sure, he’s interesting but he is also a little scary. He’s like my father, but 70 years later talking bits and bytes instead of seeds and sprouts.
Then, he told me I should read this book, so I guess I will.
http://www.missioninabottle.net/
I had that moment of grief for my country with tears back in 2007 when i became convinced 911 was an inside job.
The scripture quote is from Isaiah 57:1-2 (NLT)
That was heartfelt and sincere. That alone is a revolutionary act in times like these, and it rang true to anyone who took the time to read your words.
Most of us have gone through this to some degree or another over the past few decades, watching something beloved slowly change into an almost unrecognizable form and it does provoke a deep sadness. Everyone who has a family to raise or loved ones and neighbors who count on us has to find a way to keep getting up in the morning and that act alone is the first step towards whatever waits up ahead for us. It is the choices that we make and the code we choose to follow that helps us determine if we have done what we were supposed to do with our precious little time here on Earth.
Knowing a little bit about your story I can see that you and your husband made the right kinds of choices, crafted out a comfortable niche amidst the din where you can be yourselves. And when it all becomes too much, TBP offers an almost perfect venue to share the stories of what a daily struggle with real life can look like, to remind us that we are not alone, that even the smallest efforts can yield the most bountiful rewards.
I said it to Uncola the other day- I feel proud to know know you although I’m sure that’s not quite the right word. What others accomplish isn’t something I should take personal pride in, but I don’t know a better way to express it. Knowing that people like you are out there makes everything I do seem easier, and it lightens the days having that small bit of knowledge, that there are good people living honorable lives scattered all over, like seeds, waiting for the Spring.
Hope you can make it back out in July, if not, hoist one in our memory and we’ll do the same.
Wouldn’t miss it. God willing, we will be there.
I had to write about this. It was so weird and out of character for me. Someone, and I can’t remember who, said “Write what you know.”
It kept going around and around in my mind. So I sat down and wrote it in two different sittings. I almost didn’t finish it. A friend, the same one I emailed, told me I should.
I’m glad you took the time. As usual, HSF says it best.
Thank you Mary Christine for bearing your soul to us. With all the insanity that seems to be out there these days this article is truly needed and well timed. Sincerity and heart felt honesty is a rare commodity these days. Thank you again for sharing and God bless you and all of yours.
Charlie
I know what you mean .It’s hard watching your country be sabotaged on purpose.Its is hard seeing your country being filled with people you share no common cause. I can see the civil strife that is coming. Maybe civil war .With me it’s knowing the nation I grew up in and still have so many wonderful memories will never be again. I guess a part of me has died.Thank you for sharing your thoughts.I know I’m not alone.
It won’t be long before Real-ID is required with every purchase. Not long after that your health insurance company will know about every purchase of Twinkies or M&Ms & deny all coverage whether you pay their bills or not. Infinite information enables unlimited interference.
My son says it is already in place for the most part… he works for the software engineering company that networked all the companies together on ebenefits for the military and veterans.
Not actually put into people as “chips” but enough information gathered about habits from data mining to make it work.
“Make it work.” That’s what their motto is…
Agreed!
if you email me at [email protected] i will connect you to what’s his name
Not me, I’m tied up at the moment.
baring
Admittedly, everyone grieves in their own way. Over the years I have buried so many family, friends, and work mates the list gets longer each time I think of them. I have begun to realize there should be far more grieving done for those left still living than for those who have already left this world. Even though I still dearly miss my parents, in many ways I am glad they do not have to see and experience some of the things which are happening today.
Our society has never learned how to deal with grief very well. That’s why they use the word depression in the 5 stages. Throw pills at it and make it go away. Sadness is a necessary part of grief.
I lost both parents before I was 40 and my brother, my only sibling, when I was 53. My sister-in-law lost friends because they didn’t know how to support her. I walked with her by email and phone for a long time. We were never close before my brother died but his death brought us closer together.
Well said.
Big Brother is a more than adequate description as to where we are, not where we are going.
I know you have a larger point, but I want to address the road rage incident. I wish to share with you what I have dubbed “The Flaming Asshole Theory”.
My premise is people are pretty much the same the world over and pick a number, say 1 out of every 100 is a Flaming Asshole like the one that couldn’t wait for you to pass. I now live in the country and one of the reasons I live in the country is to avoid Flaming Assholes. You see in addition to the 1/100 statistic, there is geography/population density. Where I live there are only about 3000 people in 700 sq miles. That works out to about 4 Flaming Assholes per sq mile. So for me it is routinely possible to move around, go to the store or wherever and never run into one of the four. It makes life much more pleasant. Whereas in the city or suburbs where there are literally hundreds of Flaming Assholes per sq mile it is virtually impossible to avoid an encounter with several on a daily basis. The psychological effect of this daily onslaught is very detrimental.
I think your math is off a bit, as it calculates to .04 F-A/sq mi., making it a rarity to ever encounter one of them.
We got a whole bunch of people from LA this last decade when they sold their hovels in Compton and East LA for 3/4 of a $Million and came up to the AV buying new houses, cars, and boats. They are mostly flaming assholes on the road, they will pass you is they can gain one second of velocity.
You just reminded me of the time a semi-truck driver almost cut my husband off in traffic and my husband, the “I grew up driving in Cleveland traffic” expert paralleled that truck in the passing lane for a half mile or so and THEN…swerved across in front of the truck and took an exit.
I called my husband a lot worse than Flaming Asshole that day, let me tell you.
Unless, like my husband, you are a Flaming Asshole magnet.
I’m really glad you wrote this because I’ve been telling him for a year or two that he attracts bad drivers to him.
Now I have a name for it.
The way people drive is a reflection and a very accurate one of their mentality. The “I’m the only one that counts here so get out of my way” type is very prevalent. The polite, considerate driver is becoming rare. How many times do people rely on their automatic brightness dimmers rather than dim their lights when cresting a hill? Either way I have been grieving about my oatmeal for quite sometime. Time to move on and accept that our former way of civility and politeness has moved on and left us here with a base and craven society around us. Glad I’m cresting the hill into being an old fuck, and by the way “Get off my lawn”.
Mary, I couldn’t agree more with the sentiments of your essay. I had just finished reading the article by John Whitehead entitled “Deadly Distractions: Laying the Ground Work for Civil War II” here on TBP. It is a hard hitting in your face on where we are. (Not that I needed to know).
I know about grief, as I’m sure most of us do and how it can be suppressed. I’m months away from transitioning to Medicare but, when I was 7, I lost a brother to Leukemia. My mother who was over protective kept me and my younger brother from going to the funeral. My deceased brother ceased to exist in our household as in no pictures, no discussion, no saying his name, etc., as my mother could not deal with the loss. My father “protected” her by going along with it. My mother was a basket case for many years and very very angry at God.
Flash forward to early adulthood. I got married very young, had two children, and within 9 years, the marriage was over. I began dating about a year afterward and was making some very bad choices. After several years of sowing wild oats, making bad decisions, I decided I needed some help. I asked my MD if he could recommend someone for me to talk too. He gave me a name and I made an appointment. I went to see the guy under the premise that I was making bad choices with women I was being attracted to. However, after a few minutes in his office and after he started asking some pointed questions, I began crying for no apparent reason. I soon discovered that ~25 years later, the grief I had never expressed for my brother those many years ago began pouring out of me like a wave. The first 2 sessions I had with this guy was mainly tears and lots of tissue. A friend from long ago, who is a psychologist told me while I was going through that divorce “If you don’t deal with it; it will deal with you!”. (Grief that is).
Anyway, I went through a period of therapy, learned about my family, and my place in it, and I became “healthier”. Shortly thereafter I became a Christian (he talked about higher power — my higher power is God Almighty and his Son, Jesus the Christ). Then, a few years after that I met my 2nd and current wife of 27 years.
Now, regarding where you are at in the grief process regarding our country. I share your views on this too. I believe I am in the same place. I listen to music more than I used to, especially from the 60’s and 70’s. If it is cold, as it is now, I sometimes sit next to a roaring fire in front of the chiminea with a cigar and a bourbon or a beer and just chill out.
You did open my eyes to one thing. I still pass around articles that I find particularly well written and spot on to my conservative friends. I no longer waste my time trying to change the minds of my 2 liberal brothers, or anyone else for that matter. We have become too divided as a people for that which is extremely sad. I pray for my unchurched brothers and other family members and friends and, I try and live as good a life as I can in the present. I volunteer with a local free medical clinic where I take care of their computers. (My ministry my wife says).
I’ve already written more than I intended. I’ll leave it there for now. Thanks for you heartfelt and personal essay, Christine. As I’m sure you know, you are not alone in this.
You had a good counselor, Brewer. We need to talk about our loved ones we have lost. People love to hear stories about them from friends and family. It helps us keep them in our memory. That’s why my sis-in-law lost friends. Everyone avoided the subject. It becomes the elephant in the room.
I want to hear more stories about guilty pleasures, too. It’s those things that help us stay sane.
A very provocative (goodway) post.
Very nice.
I was composing a somewhat lucid comment when the computer blinked it away and now I am out of time. The shorthand version is +1000 and thank you.
The “key” to living in today’s society is to do what you want, but “fly below the radar”. Don’t publicize your activities that may be criticized by toxic types. Try to minimize interactions with toxic types. The DMV is a good example of toxicity. Be thankful that you only have to deal with them (and other governmental drone types) on an infrequent basis.
Regards,
We grieve simply because our expectations of how we wish things were or want things to be sometimes or often don’t match up with the way things actually are or reality.
If or when we come to the biblical understanding that this world is under the curse of sin, ALL people are sinners and inately selfish. ALL of us, some more than others, and that it isn’t truly going to get better, but probably much worse, we get sick, injured, and eventually all physically die, some much sooner than others, life can or will be much easier but never easy to deal with.
Natural disasters happen, crime happens, accidents happen, houses burn, people get sick, lose their jobs, their family members and on and on and on. Sometimes due to our own actions and sometimes for reasons completely beyond our control. No one is immune.
Life on this planet is often very difficult, and unfair or unjust and under control of Satan or the god of this world for just a little while longer.
The good news we MUST in all things cling to, rejoice always in and share with others throughout all of this is that one day very soon Jesus will come for His faithful, His church, and then Jesus will soon return and make ALL things right for eternity for those that truly believe upon Him by grace and through faith.
Spot on comment to a very heartfelt article. Hate missing gems like these. Been real busy with the shop but better late then never. Thanks for sharing MC.
What’s the ‘shop’?
Who’s asking?
AN AVID SHOPPER
Import millions of third world immigrant and eventually America becomes a mirror of the shitholes from whence they came. It’s not rocket science. Demographics is destiny and there’s not a criminal in Congress that does not get it. Our homeland has been sold and We The People never had a say. There is no Republic, only elite opportunists in control of the criminals we call government. This is not pessimism. It is realism. That’s all.
Very profound essay, M C.
I think many of us here on TBP are grieving for our country and have been so for many years. Every Thursday, I gather at breakfast with a few friends from church and we always bring up the country and her problems. We invariably decide that prayer is the only solution, as nothing short of a Godly miracle will restore us to our founding ideals of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
We can all pray for another Great Awakening while we wait for the King of Kings to return to us.
A visit to the DMV can trigger a road rage episode. Unfortunately, I’m beginning to get the kind of episodes my granny suffered from. I feel a rush of anger over things I usually overlook. Most of the time, I can sublimate the reaction, other times I snap at people. I hope I don’t turn into an old crank.
——————————————–
They took the old crew chiefs, once they got to be too cranky that nobody could deal with them, and put them in that shop. – Old Pangloss
too late
Et tu, Paula?
I mentioned an old Vietnamese woman Yin Nguyen I knew. She’d purchased that home with the proceeds from the complete loss of her home and husband in the F5 Tornado.
She’d lost everything she’d owned three times in her life, she told me. In that home on two full acres she kept manicured and trimmed so beautifully, she had her shrine turned Christian by crosses and Holy Bibles, and almost nothing else.
She was a very happy lady for someone who washed ashore on a boat long ago.
Is me but wishing to be anonymeme for a bit.
My oh my, did this memory of Yin Nguyen send me on an interesting side bar note.
Mary? Yin (pronounced In and not Yin but when your last name rhymes with When, is In better than Yin?) really did not have any real furnishings in that home all those years we lived nearby. A nice woman and very kind to my son when she saw him, but definitely a quiet grief about her. I mentioned she’d lost her family and all she’d owned three times.
I hope, when someone talks about me, they say I am like Yin Nguyen seemed to my son. He says she seemed ageless and wise.
I try hard to be ageless and wise with the kids I hang with but I end up seeming silly like them quite often. One of them asked me “Are you an adult or just a really old kid?”
So, I am guessing my epitaph will say something about my being a really old kid and perhaps nothing about being ageless or wise.
UFOs in the sky over Arizona… fascinating.
Wow, loved this article. It touched me on so many levels. Thank you Mary Christine
It a rare thing for Avalon to chime in. I’m honored that it touched you enough that you had to comment.
psssst…
you deserve it mary christine. there is a quiet dignity to your words which invites the rare and subtlest of praise…
When I was in high school we were taught East Germany was a horrible place to live because of government spying and control.
Pretty amazing how quickly we got here and how few people are concerned about our current situation.
I had a similar experience while at our DMV: had to show birth certificate, marriage license, previous license (different state), etc. just to get license in new state of residence–all the while tv was on for those in waiting line and lobby–“folks” from south of the border, climbing over wall, welcomed with food, water, beds, medical care and all for “free”. Their “documents” required? None. One definition of satanism is “rules for thee, not for me”. I get it now. At some point there will be a one world government, economic system, and religious system, erasing national borders is speeding up that goal. (Luke 21:28)
40-45% of America is stuck in the denial stage, while another 40-45% of America has bypassed every other stage and gone straight to passive and ignorant acceptance. They are the ones ganging up on the realists who are hanging out in the anger stage, trying to fight like hell to keep the stages from advancing.
thanks for the great article, mary christine. you’re an important voice here. i was so happy to meet you and your hubs. he’s a great guy. smart and funny ?. you two are solid.
a couple guilty pleasures:
and
Thanks, CZ. Maybe we will meet again.
I found myself at a similar crossroads of awareness when I realized that the changes in our country; that shift of emphasis from rights to controls; was something that I could not alter nor resist. It is a surrender of sorts to the realities of our existence and how powerless we truly are in the face of all the evils we are confronted with.
I was left with the knowledge that I could only affect and improve my own place in this world. This includes my life and that of those I love. Even then, being human, I cannot change the things I cannot change.
Increasingly difficult health issues became reality as I got older. My grown up children are themselves independent and I can only love and offer hope and advice and little else. Our nation and our internal battles between the notion of true freedom and the safety of society is something that I can only offer my own voice to. In all of these much larger forces are at work.
How do I live beyond these things? I live for the good of the day. I teach and preach knowledge and fundamental values of personal responsibility when the opportunity presents itself. I turn the other cheek when people like the discourteous driver you mentioned rise up to insult and endanger me as their path in life is their own. Time and our creator will sort them out.
As to real ID, I have no where to go and no need to even consider these things. With the onset of mobility issues I have seen my orbit in life shrunk down to a very manageable area that does not require my getting too far from the nest. I do see the entire concept of ID as such a fools errand with the instant database access to our identity so readily available. Seems sort of stupid that the government can look our records up at a moments notice and yet we are expected to carry an expensive and tedious to obtain piece of plastic ID in order to travel about our nation. Are we destined for approved ‘Travel Papers’ Next??????
Despite all of the things that are either troubling or actually debilitating I am happier these days than I have ever been before. I think it is because I found gratitude for my blessings that I have and this is probably the most liberating thing I have ever experienced.
Incipient dictatorship formula:
Write up the PATRIOT Act, domestic spying, face recognition, upgrade state driver licenses to national ID level, random roadblocks for sobriety and papers inspection, gun control legislation, AGW licensed to kill civilians for any reason, social networks and search engines dominate voter opinion and voting patterns, freewheeling opioid distribution in red states, non-reporting of black on white crime, sex education of kids, tranny normalization, gender re-assignment of children as a precursor to involuntary re-assignment surgery for adults (on the testimony of 2 witnesses about your transgender latency), constant threats – meteors, epidemics, alien invasions, race wars, muzzies in the midst, sexually dissatisfied women, etc.
I have been grieving for my nation since the ’60 election.
Excellent article. Thank you.
“It means that we can make a plan for where we should go from here.”
Those words are the gem from which we begin our progression.
Do people feel they are where they should be?!
Is it a false hope in things returning to where they once were that prevents “The Move”?! Or a lack of hope?
The time to stop being spoiled and melancholy is now. Make your (most TBPers) customized move and be glad.
It gets worse.
https://www.albiontimes.co.uk/white-children-groomed-branded-and-sold-for-sex-in-florida-youngest-victim-11-years-old/
Much worse.
We could improve the country by nuking Florida from space.
Just make sure the wind is headed due east, and not north.
I like it here in FL.
A lot to unpack there, MC. And much of it resonated in quite personal ways.
I’ve grieved for my country and still do. But, now, instead of dwelling upon what’s dead and dying, I do better to heed that which survives and thrives.
A short while ago, I thought I would search the TBP archives to see if I missed any comments on my last article that fell into the digital abyss earlier this morning. I do that every time, at least one last time, and the same thing happens to me all of the time: I forget the name of the article. Every darn time. So I sit here for a while in a daze like an aged Alzheimer patient and quite often end up looking up the source file just to remember.
But when reading an article like yours, I’ll recall past writings, seemingly, out of the blue. Two years ago this month, I wrote an article entitled “Choose Love: Don’t Ever Let Fear Turn You Against Your Playful Heart” – about a friend who died of alcoholism and, therein, admitted to my own paralysis several years ago. In truth, I was, for a time, immobilized by grief, regret, fear, and just plain not knowing the way forward.
Seven months later, I wrote a piece entitled “Those Who Don’t Take Heed Die of Ingratitude”, whereby I admitted how “acceptance”, felt like “losing” and stressed “positive action” as my “leap of faith”. And eleven months after that, I wrote the following in an article entitled: “It Is What It Is”
And concluded as follows:
It’s about time. And with acceptance, I have gratitude. We are fortunate that it happened and I’m glad we’re here.
Wonderful post Mary.
My wife and I have a routine just before we go to sleep…it always gets us both laughing, it’s a two way personal tease, and unless one of us is sick or there has been some bad news that day, 99.9999% of the time it always, never fails to end the day with hearty laughs and affection.
What a wonderful piece of writing.
In previous times navigating a journey thru the 5 stages of grief was doomed to fail for me…. Strategies employed predisposed to crashing on the rocks spectacularly . This has caused endless frustration. It should have been easy to get past the anger. It was as though, a Fool’s errand. Yeah there would often be a rush when the bargaining commenced. And yeah for a while it would look like I was on my way. The problems came while passing onward and to acceptance. Then the anger would rear up, a stove hot to the touch and always there. Deep down I knew it never left and back it was to denial once again..
It was my mistake to entwine my anger with my contempt, because my contempt for the Government of Nova Scotia is non negotiable. But once cleaved, the contempt was dealt with separately. Making final confrontation with the anger easy to get past. My contempt is still harboured, though tied at a wharf and at a safe distance..
I hope that this makes some sense
It has worked for me…
And thank you again for writing this very thoughtful piece.
Cheers
RiNS
p.s.
This video popped up in my suggested feed just prior to reading this…
It was a lovely piece of imagery on loss..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLlpD-34cXY
and how we all grieve…
That was moving.
It does make sense, RiNS. I can’t really explain why, well actually I can, I just choose not to at the moment.
Wonderful article Mary Christine, as evidenced by the number of thoughtful comments.
On Monday I experienced the loss of a little black cat I rescued 16+ years ago. I would see him sitting on the porch of a rental house on the road to my farm, then vacant because my wife had tired of country life. He was waiting for his people to return but they never did. One morning he heard my truck and came running from behind the house. I stopped, picked him up and said “You’re coming home with me.” He was just skin and bones and tried to get into a partial chocolate bar resting on the seat. I took him to his new home in town, where he learned to avoid traffic and meet the neighbors. He would usually be waiting for me when I got home from work. He repaid his rescue a thousandfold. We moved to the farm, discarded by my wife of nearly five decades, and started a new life.
Cats are resilient and often do not show illness. He faded suddenly. The vet said we could try antibiotics but in truth he was an old cat ready to die. I stroked his face as the vet injected the pink liquid into his leg. He was gone in seconds. In the recent past I have lost my spouse, my mom, my house, and sold my business but losing this loyal little cat was the hardest to take.
maybe it’s time to scratch that ‘land of the free’ …. words are pretty hollow these days.
……
I shed a tear for my country, when I started to understand all the betrayals of people in the distance past (Woodrow Wilson, JP Morgan) who made today’s DMV possible
Well, I went from escaping denial decades ago straight to pissed off. Nuthin in between. I remain in that state, but with a softer edge as I get older. I need to work on forgiveness, but it is hard given what they have done.
Thoughts that popped, after finally getting a chance to dive into it…
That feeling you call grief, felt from the DMV and intensified with the almost road rage…
I would call frustrating melancholy. A sadness prelude to despair.
Perhaps a touch of humiliation received or felt.
Why?
For me, because things have changed, and not for the better.
There seems to be so much conflict in our towns, country, and the world.
So, too, in the air among strangers going thru their own struggles, trying hard to deal with all the negatives, as best they know how.
And not sure if they are reacting to it all effectively.
It’s a foreboding, brought on more frequently than in years past, that leaves me not depressed, but more bummed out.
As in: “Geez, it didn’t have to be or end this way.”
It’s a hunch that things are slowly getting worse, in many aspects of society.
The blues. Mental ones, not the music style.
Now then,
How to overcome it, and not let it engulf you, or cause one to give up?
I have my own little ways, but what might work for me, won’t work for others.
Your hot baths, and quality time with your hub are great examples.
So then, broaden the options to capture those small pleasures.
Take fun in enjoying small pleasures. Think of them, even if past.
Smile more and extend courtesies, without expecting payback.
Express gratitude often. 10 times a day. Or moar!
Pay compliments often, and sincerely.
Find new things to laugh about. It’s magic for your soul.
Replay the feel goodz often…music that picks you up, memories of fun times.
I catch myself irritable at times.
Most often it’s from too much media input of negative garbage, judging what’s wrong.
Or paying attention to people doing irritable things.
Well, those are poor choices, on how we react to stimuli, if we allow it.
We can be aware, but choose to ignore them and not dwell upon them.
The antidote is soothing music, or silence, while re-reading from a collection of saved scraps of paper, 3×5 cards where wise, uplifting adages inspire.
Go away for a while in silence, suspending thoughts, if possible,and rest in the peace. Called meditation by some.
Also, remove yourself from people that habitually give off a negative vibe.
Ma taught me, if bound up with mental melancholy, get busy doing something productive. Physical effort required, and stretch your self imposed ability restrictions. Make an improvement to something, somewhere.
If alone, the thoughts haunting might still linger in the back of your mind, so improve on something that takes careful planning and concentration.
If you get outside your ego / self angst, by focusing your attention on helping someone else, in any variety of ways, it has a calming effect.
With each small success, take joy in it, but not credit for it.
When somebody gives you kudos, it’s sometimes good to express that any glory for something you did was because you were given the gift to express it, manifest it, by the grace of the One true source, who simply used you as a conduit to express His or Her Glory and Power.
How do we get better at all this?
Same way as perfecting any good endeavor… Practice.
Then keep at it it, habitually.
We won’t get warm sitting in front of an empty, cold wood stove,
waiting for the heat, without putting any wood in, and we keep the warmth coming by tending that fire, without letting the embers dwindle and extinguish.
And always, always remember, you’re never alone, or the only one facing
the blues from time to time.
Grieve if you must, occasionally, but don’t bog down and let your grief immobilize you.
Turn to sympathetic, helpful friends and family for support.
You are loved, and appreciated way more than you realize.
Re-read Desiderata.
Good thoughts, Lager. To quote “First Aid Kid”, two Swedish sisters who love American music, we just have to “keep on keeping’ on” in the most upbeat and positive ways.
[As in: “Geez, it didn’t have to be or end this way.”]
That is the deep ache I have inside.
For what could have been.
My husband got home at 9:30 last night from traveling so I bugged out for the night. I get to see him this evening and tomorrow before he leaves again for the week. He’s here but he has to work all day. Maybe that’s part of my problem. Too much alone time lately. If the weather were better, I wouldn’t stay home as much.
So the wood stove line, even though it was not meant to be literal it hit home since we have a wood stove and they are kind of a pain in the ass to keep going all the time.
I don’t wallow in grief at all. I hope my post didn’t imply that I do. There a several things in play, winter, crappy weather that keeps me home, no sun for days. It’s that time of year in this part of the country. January seems to have 331 days instead of 31.
I get that, MC.
Not telling you what to do.
No offense intended.
I like Vitamin D supplements.
Sylvania makes a desk top lamp with soft white light,
specifically designed to ease Seasonal Affective Disorder.
S.A.D….ironic? or by design?
My niece bought one for me.
It times out, and shuts off after say, 15-20 minutes.
Used to simulate sunny daylight.
Does it help?
Can’t hurt.
That’s a tough deal, if hub / best friend is gone for days at a time.
But, look forward in anticipation to Spring.
And in the meantime, Best of Luck to you, in coping
with any challenges, and discovering tips and methods to
find effective ways of figuratively feeling the warmth of the sun.
Brighter days are coming.
Vit D – Check
My Northern Lights sunlamp broke last year and I just realized I miss it. I think they do help.
Ya, I take 50,00oiu pill with k2 every week. seems to work.
I’m pretty sure we are in the drizzle dome here and that the brief sunshine today is but a teaser.
My people, the Aryan race. We have a lot of chips stacked against us.
My people, the Mayan race. We had a lot of chips stacked against us.
Incan too
One encouraging note is that the author is not rooting for an asteroid to clear the land. I have to question the sanity of of folks who pine for plagues and long for despotic ‘liberators’ -morons who mourn the mixture of races and pray for ethnic purification even if it would take a billion or two deaths to make it happen.
There is no way for an orderly ethnic cleansing. Society will be destroyed and America will look like Iraq or Syria. Survivors will be the worst elements in society. Sure, they might be white and you can rest easy in your shallow grave because you got your wish but they will be thugs, murderers, rapists, assorted alpha males who have wiped out the soys, the blacks and the mestizos. Or they will be whites who have joined forces with MS-13, the black panthers and assorted biker gangs to subdue and exploit the normies and impregnate the healthy young white, black, hispanic or oriental women to bring about a new generation of mulattoes and mestizos who don’t give a shit about race.
But hey, at least it’ll be change we can believe in; a new America.
Maybe, maybe not.
Dr. Fleming found penicillin because it cleared out a space on the Petri dish; an area where no pathogens could live, because the penicillin microbes created a region where nothing else could live. It literally made life impossible for microbes other than itself.
I see this coming with respect to people; strong and strong-willed folks will band together and drive out the evil ones. It is not guaranteed, and certainly not going to happen everywhere (some areas will become uninhabitable once the water works break down and cannot be repaired locally); some areas will remain backward, crime-ridden and poverty-stricken where the thugs rule. But thugs usually aren’t interested in safe neighborhoods, good schools and sound infrastructure; their days will be brief, as they consume everything local and fail to travel far when hungry.
But there will be places with veterans, engineers and family men who care about themselves, their kids and their people; and these alone will prosper. It will almost certainly fall along racial, social and familial lines; few will sacrifice for strangers until they prove trustworthy. Once you secure your perimeter, you defend it until the external threats are gone. This will happen by starvation, disease and external conflicts; or it will happen when the enclaves decide they are tired of the random theft, rape and murder from external groups and clear out a zone to be kept empty. Either way, the zone outside of Normalville will be cleared, kept clear and function as a breakwater to keep the lunatics at bay. It will require a firm determination, lots of weapons and ammunition and the knowledge that failure is death for yourself, your family and your “tribe”, full stop.
Maybe in a hundred more years the survivors will want to put the USA back together. Maybe they shouldn’t. Maybe local is all the will be for generations, my crystal ball is in the shop. But when they look back at “diversity”, “multiculturalism” and “equality” – they will shudder, remembering what they brought. Maybe light a few candles or sticks of incense to the memories of the good people lost to complete insanity, back then. And refuse to ever be led to slavery ever again.
Maybe you haven’t been keeping up with current events. The new normal is headed towards the apocalypse.
—————————————————–
For at that time there will be great tribulation, unmatched from the beginning of the world until now, and never to be seen again. If those days had not been cut short, nobody would be saved. But for the sake of the elect, those days will be shortened.
—————————————————–
But understand this: In the last days terrible times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, without love of good,…
Sounds like a bummer
EC- I have no doubt that these are the “Last Days” of which the good book speaks. It may be one minute to midnight EL, IDK.
My third grade teacher told us the story of the bread mold and how it led to the discovery that it killed bacteria, especially that which caused venereal disease like syphilis and thus it was named after the dick cure, penis-cillin.
I-S promised to write an article on mold. He had gotten an ozone machine to clear out moldy homes and refresh smelly houses. We are still waiting on the mold article.
Yes, Galt’s Gulch comes to mind. I have thought about places such as Phoenix Az without electricity for the air conditioning as well as other places.
Do you know why invading armies rape and pillage?
It’s not for lack of exercise, Maggie. There was that story of Caesar’s army threatening to leave him. He told them that he had recruited a better army that would rape and pillage so well that he would soon be able to pay them back for their poor service. The bastards were shamed and motivated to reenlist.
I was wondering if you thought it an act to cloud the bloodlines of the enemy and demoralize the survivors
We cannot see our neighbor’s home from our own but we see and hear the cars as people who love them come to pray for them and with them.
We pray from a distance. Because it is raining and cold.
Paula has shoulder surgery ongoing… she and I chatted on the phone. She has you confused with Stucky and thinks BB is from Australia.
I miss her.
Maybe we should move to a state that gives out drivers licenses to illegals, no questions asked.
In CT we now can choose between THREE gender designations to be on our licenses. The inmates are running the asylum.
I’ve grieved for our nation back when other boys and girls were picking books about sports figures and cute kid stories from the monthly Book Fair flyer, printed on cheap newspaper, I bought books on Lincoln, the fate of JFK, and the Titanic. Not that I agree necessarily today with those original authors conclusions beyond the events took place if not exactly as they explained. In high school I tried to make the point to dozing classmates, and teachers who regarded me as some sort of novelty act, that “reality” as we know it is false. From those days to this, technology has only increased my capability and appetite to learn more of what most others consider ,”conspiracy”, truth is always so much worse.
The gamut of answers to, “what do we do about it” runs wild. The federal govt modus operandi is always infiltration and prosecution, especially of the innocent as useful examples of forbidden behavior to the rest of the dissident populace, Order masking Control.
If I could say to my lost loved one that they were the heart of our family, and we appreciated each moment with them, that we were all grateful for the time we had, is what I would say to America too. As long as we live America exits.
Perhaps that’s trite, or naive. Doesn’t matter, we don’t have to discuss it in person anyway.
It’s not trite or naive. There is that scene in The Perez Family where expatriated Cubans sit at a coffee counter lamenting old Cuba. The recent arrival hears them and noting that they are surrounded by Cuban businesses and people, tells them that Cuba is not lost, Cuba is all around them. We can complain all we want that RMS Boomerlandia is sinking but GenX and Millennials are still Americans, their heart will go on.
I actually wrote three stanzas of the RMS Boomerland ballad and then lost them.
RMS Boomerland
The legend lives on from the Millennial on down of the Myth we called USA Boomer.
The Wars never end with the missiles they send and they open new wars on a rumor.
Cause policies rule when they’re written by fools and the minds of our leaders are evil
Obsessed with the power more and more with each hour; time’s running out on the devil.
Gen XXers came to call Boomers bad names for they’d traded their wisdom for knowledge
They changed all their genders stamped return to sender on IOUs they’d run up in college!
The Gen XXers swore they would pay bills no more and they insisted all incomes be equal.
But when the Bankers were told their bad loans had been sold, they petitioned the FED for the 2008 bailout sequel!
The Fiat rained down on that Boomerland Town and the elderly held onto it dearly.
But, Odin looked on while the warriors swarmed over Boomers watching quite clearly.
As their homes and their children and all they held dear were swept up in great revolution
The Legend lives on only in this Song because for Boomerland there is no solution.
RMS Boomerlandia
The legend lives on from Generation X down of the big place they called RMS Boomer
Boomland, they said, never gives up her dead but instead makes them hide like a rumor.
With blood treasure at War with the ones from before the Boomerland’s cupboards were empty
The Boomers were strewn from Mideast to the Moon and the warriors from Mordor came early.
Boomers were the pride of the American team, their numbers could hardly be beaten.
They built bombs that flew and they claimed more than they knew trading gadgets and gizmos for freedom.
The Boomers were told that their bullshit was old and the Gen Xers told them to Bite Them.
They retired them to homes where they could be watched with drones and then the Millenials came in to smite them.
The Fourth Turning bell rang while Boomer choir angels sang for heroes of Odin to save them
But the Boomers all died in spite of all that they tried and they lost everything the Founders gave them.
But, the legend lives on from Millennials beyond that Boomerland exists if we follow
Trails of liberty restored when the ship hits the shore of that promised land known as Valhalla.
(Gee… I just hit Ctl Z and came up with the original verses I penned… I like the way this one ends better, I think.)
MC,
Wondeful article. It inspired thoughtful introspection, and here are a few things that came to mind. I hope these thoughts help ease your mind, that there are plenty of people who are going through exactly what you describe. My hope is not in men, but in God who directs all things.
I think from the very beginning true patriots have grieved for their country. It says a lot about people who care enough to grieve.
“I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that His justice cannot sleep forever.”
-Thomas Jefferson
“Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.”
-Abraham Lincoln
It’s hard to put up with road rage, jerks, and the self-important people we inevitably run into every day. Personally I cannot watch television at all anymore, not even local news. It used to “trigger” me into rage all the time because of the blatant corruption of the national news, and the complete ignorance and incompetence of the local news. But rather than spending my life angry, or just dropping out of society, I realize I need to deal with these people by loving them. It’s really hard, I still suck at it, but it is slowly transforming me, taking away the anger. God created all people, even the jerks, and He loves them even when I don’t.
“I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go to the mountain. And I’ve looked over, and I’ve seen the promised land! I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land.”
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
I think the Bible does speak a lot about grief. The whole book of Job is dedicated to how a good man, who does nothing wrong, still loses everything. It’s a difficult book to read and many people get bogged down pretty quickly in what seems like repetitive arguments. But the bottom line is that God made everything and knows what’s best for everyone, in all circumstances. Think about reasoning with a three year old about bed time, or too much candy, or playing outside during a thunderstorm, or a thousand other things they learn as they grow and mature. Now realize that compared to God we will never grow and mature to His level. We can’t hope to understand things as He does, but we can take comfort in the fact that He loves us – every one of us – and wants the best for us, even when we choose otherwise.
“For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.”
Lamentations 3:31-33 (All of Lamentations chapter 3 speaks about grief)
Lamentations also brought me to reflect on God, which brings up a few more thoughts.
“God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.”
-Martin Luther
“We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass – grows in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls”
-Mother Teresa
“If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.”
-Johann Wolfgang von Goerthe
‘Triggered’
It appears that your heartfelt story has impacted TBP family. As I read every comment I found myself nodding in agreement.
Since we can’t turn back time I like yourself have found my therapy group, we meet at the local pub on Friday after work.
Thank you for all of your comments. It helps to know you are not alone. I think I will skip out on the doomish stuff for the rest of today.
A happy hour is in my very near future. Before that, I need to get outside, even if there is snow on the ground and the sky is gray.
I may check in on the Friday Fail Thread. If I do, no telling what might come out of my keyboard.
Very touching post, thanks for sharing. It brings to mind something a friend told me a long time ago — “You know what depression is? Impotent anger.”
No wonder so many people today are depressed, or told they’re depressed — we can see what’s wrong, we can wish things were different, we can try to change something, do something, do anything, and … nothing changes. Or we think nothing changes. How can we not be angry and frustrated that we have these thoughts and feelings and experiences and lives and it all comes to nothing? We are impotent, and we are angry. We are depressed. We’d have to be crazy not to be depressed.
But depression, like grief, is not a thing that we can “cure” with drugs or sitting in some office talking to some shrink. It’s more like the cry of a baby or an injured animal — it prompts a reaction in us, a fundamental human response to life itself.
Everybody has to die. Not everybody has to live.
FYI, Lavender oil may be bad stuff – an endocrine disruptor, a kind of estrogen. It is associated with abnormally early breast development in girls and in development of breasts in boys exposed to it.
https://factor.niehs.nih.gov/2019/9/feature/3-feature-lavender/index.htm
One day you’ll go to the DMV to renew your DL and the person on the other side of the counter will say to you “Oh dear, it looks like you’re not current on your vaccinations.”
The problem is not with either Democrat or Republican Americans, for the most part. The problem, and a very big one it is, is with the leadership of both parties, which in truth is a Uni-Party of power, influence peddling, corruption and war mongering. What we hear out of the mouths of local “progressives” are just the regurgitated talking points of the propaganda mill on the Left. On the Right, we have the “Trump as Augustus Caesar” crowd who must believe Trump is half Vulcan to be able to play so much 5D chess.
What can we do in the face of this onslaught? Well, the lone wolf has options the battalion doesn’t. I agree about flying under the radar. There is nothing to be gained by painting a target on your back; the choir already knows all the lyrics and the sinners outside aren’t listening. Do what you can as that lone wolf in whatever way seems ethical and effective when an opportunity presents itself. For instance, there is no such thing as “tax evasion”. There is “retained earnings to avoid its use for mindless death dealing.” There is no such thing as “lying to authorities.” There is the “inability to recall details accurately and hence confusion.” Let the current state of government be our moral exemplar and feel free to disobey and gum things up every chance you get.
We will, at some point, collectively have our Martin Luther moment regarding so-called representative government, a fucking outright lie if there ever was one. Not one thing about the US government as currently constituted represents my values or the values of anyone I know. We owe it nothing, we owe our culture and our country everything.
The US government is a corrupt, failing anachronism. It is in its death throes, thank God. Something so grotesquely evil that is attempting to defy the natural laws that govern all life is doomed. It will probably take a lot of good people with it, as these things usually do. But it starts with clearing our minds and really drinking deep at the well of observation. Look at what government the world over has become. It is nothing more than the Mob with badges, a criminal syndicate disguised as The Righteous.
I know it’s been said that hate and anger will consume you, you have to give it up. I don’t subscribe to that. I think, if dealt with properly, it can give you a calculating and cold determination to be ready to fuck things up at any given moment. I agree with the maxim, “It’s better to be a perfect soldier than an imperfect saint.”
That in and of itself is a healing balm that should chase dem ol’ blues away.
It seems I always have to be on the run when the most poignant articles show up.
Timing; the bane of my existence, lol.
Thank you for sharing, MC. So many comments reflect my thoughts and experiences, that I really don’t see any reason to add to them.
One thing – your article has prodded me to finish my 3rd Saying Good-bye article. It will be To A Dream.
I am always fascinated by how so often the same thoughts are penned or voiced by so many people, almost like a wafting breeze of inspiration floats around, touching and settling here and there.
Almost as if guided, hmm?
Anyway, a very good article. Causes introspection and head-nodding ‘yups’, and a sense of camaraderie and a quiet recognition of how private and personal this present walk is, all at the same time.
97, Mag; ball’s in your court.
Thank you Mary Christine.
A very appropriate subject for our times.
I grieve for my country that is not, with compassion,
with deep sadness and despair.
I have a great pic to go along, if I could only figure out how to upload it.
For you TS but especially for rayray!
Thank you Mags, I had no idea.
My body feels as if it is 100 years old, but I am actually a few decades younger.
Over 100 posts is a reflection of the relevance of Mary’s piece and the quality of her writing. Thanks again Mary Christine for posting your writing.
99.
Just for you, darlin’ Mags. I have to head on out; got a problem calling my name.
Enjoy.
We know that CNN has called for violence against those who have challenged it in the past. Was this a hit job? And if so, was it by CNN or some other DS element?
Mary Christine
Dear lady, How interesting the parallel in our lives. I have considered your piece for two days and my conclusion is this. Those of us who have this experience and I am comfortable that there are far more than one might suppose…… those of us who have this experience upon inspection will discover it is the result of a form of isolation.
The forces driving the social aspects of our existence do not want you nor me to feel as though we “belong” to anything. That would be as we are paying members of the greatest nation on earth God forbid! And pay we do! Institutions are the targets of this “social revolution” – unless you are from the lgbtqxuafdr group then that is OK…. I would find it a great surprise to discover I am the only one who sees this disparity. So MC I suggest since I sense a gentility to your post – a touching of the tenderness of moments like a personal Happy Hour – and there my dear is the secret – expand your Happy Hour – find another couple or more couples who are of like minds and turn this time into a moment of direction and meaning. Also interesting about this is you brush scripture. My personal view is that all religion a means for control. But I assure you that I am rock solid convinced in the power of prayer. So should this assemblage come to the conclusion – you might pray for the removal of george soros from our sphere…. this need not be some huge undertaking, several folks taking a moment to unite in this one noble thought. And there is a solid beginning. Develop a closeness with these people and watch how this little group blossoms, note the enjoyment from time with them, the anticipation of an upcoming dinner, or a grill afternoon, any activity that allows you to touch each other comfortably and personally. From such thoughts come great results for the simple reason that each has a different perspective. Such differences often yield a sum great than the parts.
I commend you for the thought and energy it took to generate your piece. Having been a part of several different groups I am well aware of the effect that camaraderie has upon the groups members. I experience it every time I go to the VA hospital……
My thoughts here are but one direction – there are many others that one might find fulfilling as well, and at the same time be meaningful. Unfortunately a force has to be developed to counter the witless hoards now attempting to run the country into the ground. Action is required!
There is an effect called the Kruger Dunning effect and the people trying to tear up the place suffer from this. It is the inadequacy of mental power to be able to determine that you don’t have enough upstairs to do as much as you think you do.
God bless you Mary Christine and I pray for you a long happy and peaceful life. Thank you for sharing the light in your heart with us.
https://www.ajmc.com/focus-of-the-week/study-reveals-declining-life-expectancy-among-white-americans-that-defies-easy-answers