WebMD Front Page Now Just Says, ‘Yep, You’ve Got Coronavirus’

U.S.—To save time, WebMD has changed its front page to read simply, “Yep, you’ve got Coronavirus.”

“People were spending hours searching their symptoms fearing they had contracted the novel Coronavirus, and we didn’t want to waste anyone’s time,” said a rep. “So we’ll just go ahead and confirm it for you now. Also, you’re probably going to die. So say goodbye to your loved ones.”

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The handy message means that no matter if you have a light cough, mild fever, or simply sneezed one time yesterday afternoon, you’ve definitely contracted the virus that the media has been hyping recently. All symptoms certainly point in that direction, no matter how unlikely it may seem.

At publishing time, WebMD had conceded that your mild symptoms could also indicate you have the worst form of cancer imaginable but more likely it’s the Coronavirus. “But it’s absolutely not lupus.”

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