‘I’m Proud To Select Hillary Clinton As My Running Mate,’ Says Joe Biden While Covered In Laser Dots

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden has finally announced his running mate: Hillary Clinton. He made the selection while several laser dots were carefully trained on his vital organs.

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“I’m proud to select Hillary Clinton as my running mate,” he said, wiping sweat from his brow. “She’s a good gal, real swell. No malarkey from her. And in no way am I being coerced to make this statement, and my family certainly isn’t in any kind of trouble. Please do not hurt me.”

“No, it’s simply that I think Clinton will make a great vice president,” he said, gulping. “Is it hot in here?”

After the press conference, Clinton offered him a ride in a special car just for him. He declined but was told it’s an offer he can’t refuse. The car was last seen heading down toward the docks.

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