U.S.—Many states have begun extending their lockdowns permanently in a bid to end traffic deaths for good.
States found that as they locked everybody in their homes, car accidents virtually disappeared. So they did the obvious thing and decided the lockdowns should be made permanent.
“A million people die in auto accidents every year, and if you want people to be able to go outside, you obviously want all these people to die,” said New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. “Why do you hate people so much, anti-science bigots? I’ll wait for an answer.” Cuomo then just stood there, arms folded, waiting for an answer, but since it was a live stream, he stood for hours before aides finally cut the feed off.
Scientists believe the lockdown can also end all deaths from various other sources:
- Shark attacks
- Falling into the Grand Canyon
- Getting crushed by a falling pine tree
- Being mauled by a grizzly bear
- Skydiving
- Getting run over by a steam roller
“Together, we can defeat death itself,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom as he announced the state would be under lockdown permanently. “O traffic deaths, where are your sting?”
Unfortunately, new projections indicate the number of people who will die of starvation and other lockdown-related causes may offset the decrease in traffic deaths.
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Water has been banned to prevent drownings, electricity banned to prevent electrocutions, and gravity banned to prevent hangings (lynchings too), or anyone from being pushed off a cliff/building/bridge, etc.
Yup! THE INSANITY OF IT ALL! What will we do with all the people? I love your sarcasm MrLiberty.
Vaccinate them and ship them off to New Jersey?
At the rate people are leaving the taxbase will need shored up somehow. By the time Murphy ends the lockdown in NJ the only employers in my area will be Six Flags, Wawa, and WallyMart. When Wawa put the Subway franchise out of business a new liquor store run by dotheads opened up, but hey, there will be plenty of space for more cheap-ass pizza joints to replace all the cheap-ass pizza joints going out of business.
You know who else uses the road?
JOGGERS
Thank the good lord they have seen the light. Now these benevolent governments just need to figure out how to stop robbing and killing their own people.
Lies, theft, and murder, are ALL THAT GOVERNMENTS DO. So the obvious solution is to get rid of government.