Submitted by RiNS
Canadian trapper survives brutal sexual assault by 200-pound beaver
Jackhead | A Canadian trapper claims he has survived a brutal sexual assault by what he calls the “biggest beaver he has ever seen.”
Bill O’Connor, 63, was checking his beaver traps near Lake Winnipeg when a large bear-like creature attacked him out of nowhere.
O’Connor, who first thought he was being mauled by a small bear or wolverine, soon realized it was, in fact, a very large-sized beaver.
“I had never seen a beaver of this size in my entire life,” he told local reporters.
The beaver, apparently bruised by one his traps, was extremely aggressive and even managed to knock the sixty-three-year-old man unconscious before he awoke minutes later.
“I woke up, my face in the snow and gasping for hair. The beaver was crushing me with its weight and doing a humping motion on my head and neck while making a strange guttural sound. It must’ve weighed at least 200 pounds,” he recalls.
Moments later, the large-sized semiaquatic rodent eventually ejaculated on O’Connor’s head and neck, before leaving the area.
“I had warm beaver semen all over my hair, face, eyes and mouth, but man was I glad to be alive,” he said, visibly grateful.
Multiple sightings
Conservation officer, Tom McGreary, says visitors at the nearby Kinwow Bay Park Reserve have reported multiple sightings of an unusually large-sized beaver in the area.
“We have also had several reports in the area by local residents of excessively large beavers but until now it had been more of a local legend,” he said when reached by phone.
“Beavers are usually not an aggressive species unless they feel threatened or are injured, although sexual predation on other mammals, especially humans, is unheard of,” he adds.
Beavers continue to grow throughout their lives and adult specimens weighing over 25 kg (55 lb) are not uncommon.
The largest specimen ever recorded was captured in Red Lake, Ontario, in 1897 and weighed an impressive 107 kg (237 lb).
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It was a warning to the trapper. Next time he will rip off the clothes and give him the real treatment.
yowza…
pretty sure i wouldn’t be telling the world.
My first thought exactly. Clean yourself off, count your blessings, and never tell a soul.
wanna go camping ?
Man, you Canadians better eat your Wheaties or something. Letting a rodent jack off on you? And then bragging about it?
Two hundred pound beaver? Stacey Abrams?
Kind of what I had in mind.
this sound more like a man-bear-pig story,
I’m not buying it, fake noose.
She is more like another animal from Africa: Water Buffalo.
Abrams hasn’t been 200 lb since she was 12.
Did the Beaver smoke a cigarette afterwards?
Reminds me of that old joke about the hunter getting humped by a bear every time his shot misses. The third time the hunter misses and before the bear humps the hunter the bear says, “You’re not out hear for the hunting, are you?”
Are they trying to outdo the Onion with this one?
Yeah, ok, I went there…..
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?
Shit, right after lunch.
I’m gonna make her mine.
That’s not Gavin McInnis, is it?
if you guys don’t see a post from me within the next 24 hours,please call the local cops & have them come looking 4 me– as i was scrolling down & checking new comments my daughter came into the room where i have my computer,just as the pics above came into view–“ooh,what is that?”she’s in the other room telling the wife about it now–
i love you guys–
She won’t need a wood chipper with all the gators out back. You’ll be reincarnated as a gator turd.
I seen a 200 lb beaver once, it wasn’t pretty.
Must be referring to my ex-wife..
white guy,when you have that beaver in the truck you need to turn off the dome light–
Never went to bed with one, but woke up with a few.
TMI.
Watch your six, Hardy.
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I’m wondering if the redhead has shag or berber carpeting?
You actually went there?
Things are shut down everywhere, you know what I mean?
Auntie, your being unrealistically selective using club standards. You think you have your pick of the hundreds of women there when 99 times out of 100, you struck out the moment you walked in the door.
Now, imagine you were on a desert isle with the red head, would you or wouldn’t you? Me, I can’t wait to book a flight to the desert isle hoping she’ll be there.
i used to throw a paper route & outside the last apt bldg on the route there was a red sportscar w/a bumper sticker that read,”blondes may have more fun but redheads are more fun.”
you can imagine the image i had in my head as to what she looked like–one night the printing press broke & the papers were so late that i didn’t finish the route until 7:30 or so–
guess who was just coming out of her apt on the way to work?it was red’s older sister b4 she lost the 100 lbs. she had on red–
i’m sure it’s her b/c of the palms in the background–
What?
Yep… with Hungry Polar Bears Rampaging across the lands, along with Horny Beavers, Justin Trudeau is the least of our problems these days.. For the luv of Gawd folks please don’t tell TampaRed aboot this… he’ll be likely to have a nervous breakdown..
And don’t worry folks aboot me.. if worse comes to worse I am purdy shore I can ootrun my wife..
discretion being two-fifths of valour!
That brought back some painful memories of my slave days. Reparations, please.
Admit it, you loved every minute and would go back for more….
slave days?isn’t that you & the sexy mulatta?
Dont worry, they are on the way.
Nothing wrong with being short.When you toes to toes,your nose is in it.When you are nose to nose your toes is in it.
Tell us more about the fascinating wildlife you have up there in lower Alaska,please honorable sir.
And the dialect you use,is that Canadianese or some other language?
Somebody should probably check his internet search history.
Bob’s been getting into some strange jams ever since he got the butt implants.
damn, beat me to it…
Sorry in advance:
Now that is a fine specimen of womanhood !
very bad dopple job, moron..
dopple this, idiot..
Back is beautiful. Well, not when back is front.
I knew there was something wrong with Mr. Lib.
Pics or it didn’t happen.
I thought they were talking about the local females at first.
The locals pleaded with Bill not to go out alone because there were rumors of a big balled 200 lb. buck toothed beaver on the prowel by the name of Mortamus the dammed. Before being knocked out and humiliated, the last thing that ran through Bill’s mind were the residents telling him to….BEAVERY careful lol
I have been attacked by a lot of beavers in my time. Never so large though.
llpoh,
we’re your buds here,at least we pretend to be–
as much as you talk about booze when the subject comes up there’s no way that some of those beavers weren’t massive–
the fact that you deny it is proof enough–
maybe you need to go w/nkit to big gals anonymous —
we’ll be pulling 4 you to make it safely out the other end–
leave me out of this, you deviant…
Tampa – seriously, no big beavers in my history. I was nothing if not selective.
Uh huh….
You have to marry ’em to see ’em that large.
He was knocked out while he was mounted but made sure he came to in time to recount the horrors in detail to his friends at the bath house.
What brought him to was the warm semen coursing off his head….
Here is a video on the wonders of beavers….
Someone please show me where this came from the Babylon Bee.
Speechless.
I have no speech.
I’m a bit worried about RiNS and Tampa Red…They see Polar Bears where we see nothing…RiNS, I can understand, Tampa Red. no sympahty
No needs for worries aboot me nkit . Red on the other hand, after reading the thread this am, has got bigger problems than bears…
There were a few good laughs reading thru this thread and laughs are needed to compete with the farce unfolding in the Shitties across America
That Beaver should be made a LEO and sent to Toronto…
MEANWHILE….IN CANADA #2
Hope these fat bottomed gals don’t take over Friday Fail.