- No man shall have a conversation in the men’s room
- No man shall walk around sucking on a lollipop
- No man shall tickle another man
- No man shall compliment another man’s scent
- No man shall actively enjoy a small dog
- No man shall get brunch with another man
- No man shall bleach his b-hole
- No man shall use moisturizer on his hands for the sake of moisturizing
- No Man shall chat with another man on the phone for more than 15 minutes
- No man shall follow another man’s directions on being a man
Bonus Commandment:
No man shall take a bubble bath. If you light candles, and pour essentials oils into the tub as well, cut your peepee off and give it to someone who deserves it
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It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
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Number 10 is like contemplating infinity.
Number 7 has no business in this list inasmuch as no man needs such an image in his head.
In regards to #7: I never heard of such a thing. Do people really do that?
You might want to ask a male homosexual.
How would you know that?
The ten go without saying–a real man simply knows these things–but as to the bonus commandment, there has to be an exception; a man may take a bubble bath if and only if a gorgeous woman is also in the tub. Also note, a man may take a bath by himself and generate his own bubbles.
I got your bath ready, did you also want rose petals in the water, hon?
Bean powered hot tub
No man shall ask permission to buy any tool or equipment.
the most pathetic sight of a man I’ve ever seen was one time in Home Depot a man with one of his little kids next to him was looking at a battery powered screw driver and his wife came up and as if she was scolding a child says “PUT THAT THING BACK, YOU DON’T NEED THAT!!” And he put it back!!
Not once in my life have I ever asked anyone’s permission to buy any tool or equipment.
Big one right there, ASIG.
Similar situation at HD about 6 months ago-youngish couple, guy actively looking at some power tool and his sweetie a few feet away. I whispered to her to suggest to him he ought to buy the bigger one because it would have more power. I hope she followed my advice.
peepee?
Should apply to guns as well.
Absolutely; after all a gun is just another tool.
Now that right there is funny, I do’t care who you are!!
And a man may not ask a gun salesman if a handgun has a lot of recoil. If you’re a man, you can take it. If you’re injured or have arthritis or some other form of disability, you know that already, and most likely are smart enough to not contemplate a titanium framed .357 snubbie. Or a 500 S&W. If you believe your self to be a man and you think a .454 Casull has too much kick, you should dang well keep that to yourself.
Glockamole, I once made the mistake of asking the dude at Lowes if the patio door was heavy. I had pre-diabetes at the time and even pushing the gas pump handle into the tank was a struggle. He demonstrated by manhandling the door. I felt like a soy Millennial.
Yeah, I get it. I once had to lift a 220 lb hindquarter from the floor. I had to get someone hold the hook still so I could get it through the achilles.
All these are legitimate except number 9. Do you honestly think this nation would be in existence if the founding fathers cut conversations short after 15 minutes? Sorry, but great minds need more than 15 minutes to hash out the modern corruption of our time. Putting a rant limit on smart people talking about crap that is severely messed up is anything but productive.
Can you read? It says chatting. I’m never going to chat with a dude for longer than 3 minutes on the phone. Unless it’s about poontang, then we could go into overtime.
I could have left off a couple and added a few more like:
No man should ride a skateboard downtown in tight shorts. No man should wear a tank top and sport a mustache simultaneously. No man should actually follow through after “allowing” his wife to win a disagreement when he knows he is right. No man should drive a Miata unless it is jacked or loud. No man should feel the need to be politically correct. No man should refrain from helping the weak or helpless. No man should expect charity. No man should feel guilty about avoiding paying any taxes. No man should be ashamed of his ethnic heritage or be proud of it without reasonable cause. No man should give a shit what color someone’s skin happens to be. And finally and most importantly no man should ever hold back from acting like a man.
WTF is a Miata, is that like a Fierro or Del Sol?
At 21, I used to pull 90 degree curves at 55mph in my Fiero.
Had widest tires I could get on the factory mags.
That would have been great if it weren’t for the fact that the fire prone Fieros were known chick cars. Real men were actually banned from driving them.
GM engineers, in their infinite stupidity, deemed it ok to produce engines that only held 3 quarts of oil. Too close to the margins and when they naturally burned a little off they’d be low on oil and -poof-.
They eventually fixed that, but like the rear suspension on Corvairs, too little too late.
Bonus commandmants….never order quiche…..or curley fries…..or watch more than one Christmas in July Hallmark movies…..or cry at the end of any movie, even Up or Field of Dreams….or order steak really well done…….or were a ribbon….or a mask!
That’s a lot of rules. Who is this rule maker?
I disagree with #8. We do not like to be caressed with hands that feel like sandpaper. It just shouldn’t be a routine.
Suggestion: after you clear the table and before you go do the dishes go over to him with a bottle of hand cream, squirt some on his hands, then gently rub it all in while telling him to turn the TV off a little early before bedtime. He’ll be glad you know how to be proactive and are not the whiny type.
A lot of old timers here, let me clue you in – women do not clear the table and wash dishes anymore. Your lucky if she even cooked dinner.
Or, in the sage words of Jeff Cooper: To ride ( a horse), shoot straight and speak the truth.
Did you mean Gary Cooper?
Jeff was the idiot brother
Spend a day or days with cracked and bleeding hands and you will value the use of appropriate care…..whatever you want to call it. If you wish to keep your machine running, you take care of it.
Men are allowed to use Cornhuskers Lotion, IRRC.
WTF is this joke list?!?
#1: No man shall hesitate to use violence against women who violate his values.
Chivalry needs to completely DIE for western civilisation to survive.
No anal bleaching? Fine. I’m out.
I drew the line at shaving the ass hair, anal bleaching is – damn, who would even dare show his asshole at the nail salon or wherever this bleaching is done?
We were sent to get flu shots at the work clinic. A couple of young women in our group. My buddy Ray couldn’t get his sleeve up over his fat arm, he finally said screw it and dropped his pants, exposing one generous butt cheek. One of the gals caught sight of the white drive-in screen and gasped. Dudes don’t care.
I told the sexy mulatta about the physical I got from the work nurse, she asked me to drop my shorts and I complied. My wife asked if I even hesitated. I said, I used to do that when I was hopping from ass to ass (cuando andaba de culo en culo) so what’s the big deal?
Likely what killed Farah Fawcett.
Before being allowed on the ballot, every male candidate should be required to publish his score for this test.
Alright, I confess. One of the guys from church invited me to lunch at his favorite diner. Other than that, if you are going anywhere with a dude it should include beers.
If you are going to lunch or dinner, you should invite a woman; a tranny will not cut it, I mean come on, you can’t bullshit a tranny and there is no seduction happening, you get my drift?
Never take a woman to a hardware store or a car dealer. Do not go with her to the grocery store or a department store unless that store has a tools or electronics section – Sears, Target or Walmart.
Never argue with a woman, you look desperate and she is never going to give you the handjob you need so badly, how long has it been? All that pent up rage from living alone, poor fellow.
No man shall actively enjoy his pussy
cat.
I loved my Chihuahua and I’ll fight anyone who’s got a problem with that ?
Some of those are horseshit. I do what I fucking please. I like what I like.
I will have a lollipop, if I feel like it, and anyone who says different might find themselves extracting same from some orifice for which it is ill suited. Plus it was good enough for Kojack.
I like dogs. I like some small dogs. I loves me some Jack Russell terriers. They are the size of a rabbit with the heart of a damn lion. I had one that drove two mean ass German Shepherds off our property once – had one by the balls howling until it crossed the property line, when it let go. My wife had a lovely Maltese cross once, that was real nice dog. But Jack Russells are dogs for real men. They are bravest fucks I have ever seen, and have no idea they are the size of rats. Loyal, brave, friendly. Would have another in a heartbeat.
I used to like the odd bubble bath. Very relaxing, toss in an herbal bomb, lay back with a nice Scotch and relax.
Terriers are ten foot tall and bullet proof
Dogs with that kind of courage are a marvel. We’ve got a weim that’s absolutely fearless, quick like lightening, and has a mouth that looks like something out of a horror film. He’s dopey/friendly until he gets a bad read on a person or the scent of game. Then you better either stand back or hang on. On top of that, we’ve got a chihuahua/min pin mix that has literally hung from the lips of the Weimaraner as a “correction” in the parlance of pack dynamics. Nobody effs with the chihuahua-and we’ve got a ridgeback as well as a couple dobey/shepherds also. Known several folks with Jack Russells, though. They are little badasses.
Glock – if my Boerboels get a bad read, stand back or hang on are not options. The options are run and pray they let you go, or stand and possibly die. They can literally crush bones, and they will defend their families to the death. But if you leave them and their families alone, no problemo. But they will not take their eyes off you until you are a confirmed friend.
Many many folks have been offered to meet them. Many respond with “hell no!” because of that stare.
I love Weimaraners. But never met ine that was not dopey. Part of their charm.
Nice. We used to have a shepherd named Lilly. ALL visitors had to be greeted in the driveway. We’d sit/stay Lilly near the visiting car, and then my wife and I would in turn hug the occupants of the vehicle. Then, and only then, the visitors were accepted and safe to interact and roam about the property. I also have a funny story about Jagr, our Weimaraner, scaring a Utah state patrolman back into his car, but its kinda long.
Kojack was a man’s man with a lollipop
Speaking of Men of the West, there’s no better weekly podcast than the Full Haus. If you haven’t listened, you should.
Number 10 negates the purpose of the article.
I think number 10 is an admission that you already knew all that. It isn’t really a list of don’t for men, it’s a list of things we sure as hell ain’t doing no matter what BLM/Antifa says.
Real men don’t needs lists, they already know all that shit.
Real men don’t read lists.
#11-Pay no attention to what some woman named Josh the misanthrope says about being a man. Maybe Josh the Lycanthrope…
#11. NEVER wear a man bun!!!
#12. NEVER carry your wife’s purse at the Mall.
#13. Never hug a Teddy Bear…….at age 22.
#14. Never drink a Latte at some freaking coffee shop!!!
#15. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER wear Skinny Jeans!!!!!!!
#16. NEVER wear one of those RIDICULOUS Fedora’s with the ultra-narrow brim!!! Gross!!!
#17. Never seek a “Safe Space” because your Best Bud criticized your clothing.
#18. Never take your vehicle to a oil change place. Real men change their own oil!!!
Real men never read the assembly instructions.
Or at least not until after you put the thing together and the damn thing doesn’t work.
asig,
it’s ok to read instructions but just don’t follow them–
a couple of weeks ago i needed to fill a gap between the door & floor in one of my trailers–
i had a can of great stuff big gap filler–it said to screw the tube into the can & then shake it well–
i picked up the can & shook it 4 a minute or so & then pushed the insertion tube into the can–
bad mistake–i ruined a nearly new shirt,ruined the tenant’s rug & after i took it up to the house & showed it to her my wife told me i got off lucky for only having to buy it from her for $25 —
#7 ‘oi, theys people what do this?
#1 is actually: Don’t be a dick.