SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Oh no! The president visited San Francisco to offer aid and maybe make fun of the Democrat politicians running the state a little bit. But as soon as he stepped off Air Force One, Secret Service lost their visual on him, his soft, persimmon-hued skin blending in perfectly with the fiery hellscape around him.
“Anyone got eyes on POTUS?” a frantic Secret Service agent shouted into his radio. “We’ve lost him! Repeat, we’ve lost him!”
President Trump was completely invisible from the moment he arrived. He apparently got up to some wacky hijinks using his perfect camouflage, as a sack full of Ghiradelli chocolate bars was seen floating down Beach Street, and several taco trucks reported their tacos disappearing.
One woman claimed her baby was punched by someone she couldn’t quite make out through the smoky haze, though she admitted that might just have been Hank the Hobo.
Finally, Nancy Pelosi was aghast to see several pints of her favorite brand of ice cream floating away from her freezer.
After several tense hours, POTUS magically appeared back inside Air Force One. “San Francisco is great!” Trump said, according to several anonymous sources. “We should come back during next year’s fires!”
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