Democrats Reveal They Have Planted Dynamite All Around Nation And Will Blow It Up If Biden Isn’t Elected

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—In an address to the nation written using letters cut out from a magazine and glued to paper, the Democrats are offering their most persuasive case yet for Biden’s election. According to the letter, Democrats have planted booby traps rigged with dynamite all throughout the country, and they are set to explode if Biden is not elected president.

“Why so serious?” said Biden’s running mate Kamala Harris. “It’s just a little joke! The real joke is Trump, and we’re just joining in all the fun! HEE HEE HEE HA HO HA HEE HO!”

“Vote for Biden, or the country you love will be blown sky-high — HAHAHA!” cackled Nancy Pelosi. “If you don’t want to see the Lincoln Memorial, shall we say, in a state of disrepair, you’d better vote for the old, senile man! Ha ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA… fnffff oh, do excuse me… ha ha ha ha ha! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” Her heavy makeup smeared down her face as she cried in laughter, making her resemble a clown.

In a statement, Biden’s teleprompter reiterated the point. “Threatening topline message: I’m not an agent of chaos,” Biden’s teleprompter said in a statement to the press. “But there are people out there who will create a lot of chaos if Trump is re-elected. Not that I want that to happen. I would hate to see something bad happen to this country. For your safety, I recommend voting for me. I’d hate for you to wake up with a horse’s head in your bed, or a bunch of killer clowns surrounding your house. Just give us what we want. It’s for your safety.”

Senator Mitt Romney also issued a video statement in support of Biden, flipping a coin and shouting about how blowing up the country would be much better than the bad orange man before he turned to reveal half his face had been burned off in a recent peaceful protest. “You either die a Republican or you live long enough to see yourself become basically a Democrat.”

Rep. Jerry Nadler revealed he has planted TNT all throughout the Capitol Building, as he wielded an umbrella and munched on some raw fish.

“A vote for Joe Biden is a vote to not die in an elaborately designed Rube Goldberg-style booby trap rigged with confetti and explosives,” said Biden Director of Strategic Communications Kamau Mandela Marshall. “He’s just trying to protect you. Let’s not blow this out of proportion.”

“Madness is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!” Marshall then said as he attempted to push over a statue of Columbus, though it proved to be too heavy.

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11 Comments
Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest
September 14, 2020 7:31 pm

Demoncrats already have their Bio-weapons and fire-bombings in action and won’t need any TNT to get the dirty job done.

Cow Doctor
Cow Doctor
September 14, 2020 7:51 pm

The Bee is for real it’s called Burn, Loot, Murder and Antifuque not TNT.

James
James
September 14, 2020 8:00 pm

Fine,we will bring semtex/c-4 ect. and show them how it’s done.

RiNS
RiNS
September 14, 2020 8:55 pm

comment image

James
James
  RiNS
September 14, 2020 8:58 pm

Hmmmm…..,are these leaf bears with us is my ?!

The answer yes, I do have a local station that has non ethanol gas,could be useful in the coming “festivities”,93 octane to boot!

RiNS
RiNS
  James
September 14, 2020 9:07 pm

Whatever you do James, don’t tell TampaRed!

He has some sort of issue with Bears

TampaRed
TampaRed
  RiNS
September 14, 2020 9:58 pm

rins,
i started reading this post from the bottom up & came to your corny maize maze below–
then i saw who posted it & realized that it was a fake meme–
james,i have no issues w/brown bears,only white bears invented by small white men,microscopically small according to the cuties in nova scotia–

Glock-N-Load
Glock-N-Load
  RiNS
September 14, 2020 11:22 pm

Don’t tell Mygirl.

RiNS
RiNS
September 14, 2020 8:55 pm

comment image

yahsure
yahsure
September 14, 2020 9:23 pm

I’m still waiting for all those people to leave. The ones that threatened that, if Trump won.
I heard that Liberals will burn their cities down if Trump wins. It sounds good, except they will move to your neighborhood.

BL
BL
September 14, 2020 11:20 pm

Dear DEMS,

Do us a solid and start with DC. TIA