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65 Comments
Two if by sea. Three if Made in China.
Two if by sea. Three if Made in China.
December 17, 2020 10:28 am

Boy howdy

Ben Lurken
Ben Lurken
  Two if by sea. Three if Made in China.
December 17, 2020 10:30 am

This is too funny but so 2020 REAL!!
CALLER:
Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want …

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:
I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

Stucky
Stucky
  Ben Lurken
December 17, 2020 10:54 am

Whoever voted this down obviously sucks a bag of Diseased Donkey Dicks every morning.

Harrington Richardson-M2, It's A Ball!
Harrington Richardson-M2, It's A Ball!
  Stucky
December 17, 2020 10:59 am

Probably some Google bot. Or “Winnie the Poop.” LOL!

clayusmcret
clayusmcret
  Stucky
December 17, 2020 11:23 am

Personally, I wear the downvotes as a badge of honor.

Neuday
Neuday
  Stucky
December 17, 2020 11:47 am

22winmag, no doubt.

brewer55
brewer55
  Neuday
December 17, 2020 1:22 pm

BINGO! .22 mag, the punk that calls everything ‘gay’.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Neuday
December 17, 2020 1:53 pm

I don’t downvote.

I shitpost.
comment image

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  Stucky
December 17, 2020 12:18 pm

Please answer your phone from time to time, I’m developing arthritis.

brewer55
brewer55
  Stucky
December 17, 2020 1:22 pm

One day, the icehole troll that does all the down voting will be exposed! It’s probably the punk that always uses the .22 Win Mag imgur gif.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
December 17, 2020 10:40 am

Ain’t that the truth! (the cartoon)

Harrington Richardson-M2, It's A Ball!
Harrington Richardson-M2, It's A Ball!
December 17, 2020 10:45 am

Admin, I like the odds. You are our Henry V. We, this band of brethren and sisters will be the happy few who got shit done on our St. Crispin’s Day.

realestatepup
realestatepup
December 17, 2020 10:46 am

The loudest voices are just that. The loudest.
They are not:
The majority
Remember that. No matter how many times you see or hear BS coming from anywhere.
The pendulum swings and it never settles on the middle. The predators of today are the prey of tomorrow.

anthony aaron
anthony aaron
  realestatepup
December 17, 2020 11:11 am

For any who doubt that the loudest is not the majority — recall about 3 or 4 weeks ago when ONE whining, sniveling malcontent called Target on a book about T-bone-ism that the person didn’t want to hear about … and Target immediately caved in to that ONE asshole.

Luckily, a large swath of people read about it and THEY got after Target — and now the book is available there. Sometimes there is the slightest happy ending …

Cow Doc
Cow Doc
December 17, 2020 10:50 am

Sure feels that way

Steve
Steve
December 17, 2020 11:01 am

How fitting. I just posted on the “trust the plan” article that I have been unable to roust friends and family into seeing what is before them.

m
m
December 17, 2020 11:12 am

I had that [cartoon] moment around 2014.
“Either I am crazy, or everyone around me is crazy!”

Not good odds at first glance, but then I triple- and quadruple-checked my own reasoning but could not find anything strikingly wrong…

(Then in 2019 I stumbled across “The Crisis of Modernity” by Augusto Del Noce, and with its help I found out that ~70% of my life-long understandings/beliefs were completely wrong. But that didn’t make the herd correct, it just turned them from wrong to spectacularly wrong…)

Eyes Wide Shut
Eyes Wide Shut
December 17, 2020 11:31 am

“Right is right, even if everyone is against it, and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.”

William Penn

Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest
December 17, 2020 11:58 am

“Any man more right than his neighbors constitutes a majority of one already.”

― Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience

Auntie stands with Thoreau; the whole damned flock of Sheeple can go into the GMO mutton stew as being prepared by The Beast System chefs.

Captain_Obviuos
Captain_Obviuos
December 17, 2020 12:00 pm

Yesterday I went shopping at Sam’s Club. No mask, of course, for me.

It was like I was the weird one: a full 99% of everyone in there had on their muzzles. When I got to the checkout line, I noticed two Mexican guys beside me weren’t “on the rag,” so I fist-bumped them both and thanked them for their sanity, as it was needed. I just looked around me, taking in the sheer madness of a world gone wild, and I have to tell you, I’m losing faith, folks.

I’ve never felt more like Sisyphus than I do today. And I’m getting tired of it.

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  Captain_Obviuos
December 17, 2020 12:25 pm

While I rarely leave the farm any more when I do I go without a mask. For the first 9 months of this people pretended I didn’t exist- which is fine by me- so I gladly pretended to be invisible.

The last few times however I have been getting the leper treatment. People wrinkle their nose in disgust and make a big show of getting away from me even though I never come with 20 feet of people on purpose.

I don’t know if I was the first person to say it, but it bears repeating- this is never going to end. Social distancing, the closure of all venues where people interact socially- the reason restaurants and bars were targeted while WalMarts and Targets were not- and masks are now a permanent fixture in America until such time as the government is overthrown or collapses.

Crawfisher
Crawfisher
  hardscrabble farmer
December 17, 2020 1:06 pm

Of course it won’t end, look what happened after 9-11, we had many terrorist events that reinforced the need for the TSA and spying on us citizens. We now live is a surveillance state.
I assume the Chinese are very pleased with the results from this virus. I expect them, the Russians, or some other nation to ‘accidently’ release another mild virus on the planet in a couple of years. What is stopping them?
About three years ago, I realized can’t vote our way out of this mess; current events now prove it.
Conclusions I came with are (1) go along as sheeple (2) prepare as best one can, move out of cities and big towns, grow food, acquire ammo for protection (3) overthrow the government – which I doubt will happen until there is a loss of food supply level depression.

Eyes Wide Shut
Eyes Wide Shut
  hardscrabble farmer
December 17, 2020 1:53 pm

If it is overthrown or collapses who or what fills the void will be paramount.
Removing the Biden administration is only the first step.
Filling the void with a proper and just administration is step two.
Proper leadership is everything.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  hardscrabble farmer
December 17, 2020 4:01 pm

Apparently we have been getting a little uppity lately (massive boat parades come to mind) and we need to be reminded who runs the show around here. Shut up and put on your mask.

Mygirl....maybe
Mygirl....maybe
  Anonymous
December 17, 2020 6:20 pm

People are easily programmed. People are easily trained and manipulated. Bacon and eggs for breakfast? Toothpaste? Homosexuals getting married? Men having babies? Twenty seven plus genders and counting? Founding fathers were racists and confederate flags are hate speech.

You will wear the mask, you will love Big Brother, you will obey and if you don’t….you will be killed.
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m
m
  Captain_Obviuos
December 17, 2020 12:27 pm

Well it feels more Cassandra to me.

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
  m
December 17, 2020 12:39 pm

It is neither good nor bad.

A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.

-Seneca

Anonymous
Anonymous
  hardscrabble farmer
December 17, 2020 1:49 pm

“I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; and the only polishing I get is when some corner gets rubbed off by coming in contact with something else, striking with accelerated force against religious bigotry, … Thus I will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 304).

Beavis and Winmag
Beavis and Winmag
  Anonymous
December 17, 2020 5:16 pm

heheheheh
He said “rubbed off” and “smooth polished shaft” …

heheheheh

Mygirl....maybe
Mygirl....maybe
  Beavis and Winmag
December 17, 2020 6:13 pm


He said “rubbed off” and “smooth polished shaft”

….and he said that even before the part about his lance of manhood piercing her pit of passion….

Eyes Wide Shut
Eyes Wide Shut
  Anonymous
December 17, 2020 9:26 pm

Do you understand Joseph Smith was a charlatan and Jesus never came to the Americas.
No historical or archeological evidence at all.
Please just stick to the Bible.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Eyes Wide Shut
December 18, 2020 12:56 am

Man, where have you been? Pieces of ancient bronze armor and chariot wheels are ploughed up just about every day across a broad belt which extends from upstate NY to Utah.

On The Beach
On The Beach
  Anonymous
December 17, 2020 10:34 pm

Shove “prophet” joseph smith up your ass.

Mygirl....maybe
Mygirl....maybe
  hardscrabble farmer
December 17, 2020 6:11 pm

But a gem can be smashed into thousands of little pieces if hit with a large enough hammer.
-Mygirl

1Wise1
1Wise1
  Captain_Obviuos
December 17, 2020 12:47 pm

At least you were permitted entry .. here in the Land of “Chief’s Overtime” (where big-boxes pay PD’s $ for uniformed security) no mask means an officer with a gun “reminds” the unmasked to diaper-up or go home!.. no fist-bumps at checkout allowed!

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
December 17, 2020 12:16 pm

The truth doesn’t require consensus.

Fluffy Bunnyface
Fluffy Bunnyface
December 17, 2020 1:05 pm

Captain America said it best:

comment image

DAMMAN
DAMMAN
December 17, 2020 4:07 pm

I dont mean to brag or anything, but I have the same medical degree that Bill Gates has

Craven Warrior
Craven Warrior
December 17, 2020 4:48 pm

The majority is almost always wrong.

Glock-N-Load
Glock-N-Load
  Craven Warrior
December 17, 2020 5:02 pm

Not true on “Who wants to be a Millionaire”.