WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an awesome display of action movie MAGA-greatness, Trump walked away from the exploding Republican Party like an absolute legend, without looking back or even flinching. Witnesses say they saw Trump power-walking in slow motion away from the massive explosion as smoldering wreckage and shrieking Republicans rained down around him.
“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,” said Steve Bannon and Nancy Pelosi in unison.
Trump supporters and Democrats collectively cheered while the steely-eyed Trump strutted confidently without any indication that he cared about the scorching inferno behind him as it laid waste to all the “losers and second-rate cowards” caught up in the blast. Mitch McConnell tried his best to escape, but he was too slow due to being a turtle. The force of the blast tipped him over on his back and he lay there with his arms flailing helplessly.
Authorities arrived on the scene to try to extinguish the flames but Trump stayed their hands. “No,” he said, slowly removing his glasses and finally turning around to gaze upon the torched ruins of the Republican Party. “No… let it burn.”
Libertarian Party officials raised their hands and offered to take in anyone orphaned by the blast, but everyone threw spitballs at them and then stuffed them in a locker.
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It would be great to see Trump do some kind of Mic Drop on his way out. Not that I think he’s a hero or anything. He was our best hope though, no?
Indeed he is. He was imperfect but at least he was the people’s president who tried to put America first. The GOP is worthless. It’s all a TV show.
The Uniparty went ONE WORLDer a long time ago amigos. Corporations don’t need no party, they own it all.
Trump went out according to the script.
Remember the story of Dole Fruit in South America?
George Washington tried to warn us about political parties:
“However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion.”
Wow. When even the Babylon Bee turns on Trump … well, that’s sumthin’ to behold!!
It’s all over but the cryin’.
It’s funny as heck! If there is anybody thinking they will survive shitting on the most popular political figure in some time, the idea of them in the flames of their own making with the Murder Turtle flailing on his back is just too good.
Even though the actual criminal acts yesterday are now blamed on identified Antifuqueres, the Dems and the media are losing their shit demanding Trump be imprisoned and thrown out and of course-all of us.
If they try I can’t wait for the sweet sound of the “lamentations of their women.”
Proof we live in an XXXL CLOWN WORLD….
HONK HONK HONK!!!
He didn’t set off the blast, the gop did yesterday and for the past 4 years of collusion with the deep state.
We owe a great debt to President Donald J. Trump for pulling the curtain aside on the petty corruption of petty politicians and bureaucrat and lying media and tech giants. Let It Burn.
You all lost your sense of humor? That’s the funniest Bee article I’ve read in a while🤣🤣🤣🤣
The Bee failed to report that Elaine, upon seeing Turtle Mitch tipped over on his shell, pulled out her knife and sliced off his worthless turtle balls.
I wish the President well and hope he gets in a lot of golfing on calm, sunny days.
Auntie was kind of thinking along those same lines for the finale:
(The Man Formerly From Queens is going to have to quietly lease the Schloss Adler after all this.)
Am I a bad person for wishing that Dr. Tony was inside the building?
Ronald Reagan told us what would happen with freedom but no one was listening then or now.