Conservatives Sit Down For A Relaxing Evening Of Being Insulted By Every Major Corporation In America

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—All around the country, conservatives have invited friends and family over to enjoy food, funny commercials, football, and being insulted by every major corporation in America.

“I love football,” said local Christian conservative Brad Longaberger, “but I also love the humbling experience of sitting through hours of sermons from powerful corporations reminding me how rotten and terrible I am for not supporting progressive causes!”

According to sources, millions of Americans are looking forward to taking a much-needed break from scolding about masks, social justice, immigration, and toxic masculinity to be scolded about all of those things while watching a really fun football game.

“It’s a great tradition in our family,” said Longaberger. “Now who is playing again?”

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22 Comments
musket
musket
February 8, 2021 11:57 am

Did not watch…….and probably never will watch professional football again

Doctor de Vaca
Doctor de Vaca
  musket
February 8, 2021 10:05 pm

Yep!

clayusmcret
clayusmcret
February 8, 2021 12:20 pm

Not in this lifetime. Not ever again. Ever.

Harrington Richardson: Founder of the NFD
Harrington Richardson: Founder of the NFD
February 8, 2021 12:33 pm

That headline nails it but good. I watch it for the commercials. Unfortunately, Prog shitheads Prog shitheading is not material for good ads. Decrepit and almost unrecognizable Bruce Springsteen driving a Jeep calling for unity dressed like a rancher or “real American” is just lame as Hell.
I am quite amused today by Kamalato Ho-ass’s previously unknown niece complaining about and hating on white people and Brady in particular as a Trump supporter.
Invest in lamp posts. There will be a shortage. Hopefully soon.

TampaRed
TampaRed
  Administrator
February 8, 2021 1:18 pm

that tweet thread had a tweet w/a great line,”gas prices are climbing faster than biden’s 3 am vote counts.”

A. R. Wasem
A. R. Wasem
February 8, 2021 12:43 pm

Skipped the whole farce; have not watched pro football for last two seasons and have no intention of ever watching again.

Karen
Karen
February 8, 2021 12:57 pm

I don’t take an interest in Negroes from one part of the country bashing into Negroes from another part of the country. Tom Brady is the best, I will agree to that, but he is White.

motley
motley
  Karen
February 8, 2021 3:48 pm

Also a satan worshiper … did you know that?

falconflight
falconflight
  motley
February 8, 2021 4:22 pm

Is he Catholic? s/

Anonymous
Anonymous
  motley
February 8, 2021 6:09 pm

Based on what?

Mary Christine
Mary Christine
February 8, 2021 2:25 pm

Biden wins and it’s ok to celebrate in the street. Tampa wins? Bad, bad people. Not that I care about the Stupid Bowl. But I do care that Florida is taking a beating in the press for people acting like people are supposed to act when they are celebrating.

Harrington Richardson: Founder of the NFD
Harrington Richardson: Founder of the NFD
  Mary Christine
February 8, 2021 7:20 pm

No shame, morals, standards, principles etc. I see the BLM/Antifuqueres rioted in DC over the weekend for who knows what or why.

motley
motley
February 8, 2021 3:48 pm

According to just about all of the Superbowl advertisements yesterday, there are no white men left in America. And forget about white couples!

yahright
yahright
February 8, 2021 4:09 pm

The only game I watched this year and the commercials were something else. So many people are fuked up in the head.

falconflight
falconflight
February 8, 2021 4:20 pm

Well, not tooting my horn, but our household has worked hard to divest from supporting all these entities. Whether it’s pro or college sports, Hollywood (TV, NetFlix, etc.), ATT, et. al. (Telephone or TV subscriptions), even Chic-Fil-A. Our world of consumption is getting ever smaller. My extra duty job while watching to TV is to mute every commercial. We stream via Roku TV. Additionally, it is my responsibility to provide financial support to sites such as this one and others like The Blaze. So Be It. ;0

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
February 8, 2021 5:45 pm

Can you imagine the economic impact of 80,000,000 Trump supporters NEVER AGAIN watching any of the white-hating, racist, major league sporting events? Include in that the fantasy football crap too.

In Montgomery, blacks went over a year without taking the bus to their jobs, to the store, etc. It was a MAJOR inconvenience for them. They did it to end discrimination on public buses that THEY were forced to help pay for with their taxes, etc. If they can manage to get around using essential public transportation, people can certainly find something else to preoccupy their time other than the racist woke circuses the ruling elite count on to amuse and distract. Even watching the commercials supports the folks who hate whitey. Every minute your cable box, dish, etc. is tuned into a program it is recorded and the data used to sell advertising. Time to withdraw your support of this crap too.

falconflight
falconflight
  MrLiberty
February 8, 2021 7:11 pm

A bloodless counterrevolution…

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
February 8, 2021 9:15 pm

It would be handy if there were a list of companies that didn’t insult us with PC bullshit. Problem is that it would shrink so fast that pretty soon the only place we could buy anything would be the Peoria Duct Tape Emporium and the only restaurant we could patronize would be Bob’s House of Suet.

Ken31
Ken31
  Iska Waran
February 8, 2021 10:23 pm

America is a corporate cartel. And still they did this whole scamdemic to try and kill the remaining small businesses.

Machinist
Machinist
February 9, 2021 12:47 am

I’ve never liked sports-ball, at all.

However, I have been watching a game that has been in play for some time. It officially started in 1776 (some would say 1789) and continues to this day. Hell, it is in the 980th Quarter now.

But, I must warn you. The cheerleaders are ugly and mean and look like high-end hookers, the food sucks and everything is expensive. The security becomes worse and more thuggish every year. Spectators have become rude and selfish to the extreme. Accommodations are uncomfortable (unless you are quite wealthy). The players are inept clowns whose names change occasionally, but there is no difference in the outcome. The umpires are corrupt.
The suggestion box is now managed by some company called Dominion.
The ‘bang-for-the-buck’ is just not worth it and never was.
To top this all off, it’s really hard to get out of the place.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Machinist
February 9, 2021 4:43 am

I used to be a Yankees fan in the DC area years ago in the ’90’s, but not anymore. It’s all a racket.

The whole “Moneyball” game finally got to me. One of the biggest problems I had as a fan was when Brian Cashman, the general manager, spent millions for an overpaid, over-hyped Alex Rodriguez.