GOVERNMENT & MEDIA RIDICULE

“Before I answer that, Commissar, know this first. The chair that you sit upon, now as we speak in my home, has small explosive discs, mines you might say embedded in it. They were armed and set. If you decide to remove your weight from that chair that explosive force would remove a significant portion of the flesh upon which you now sit. But, that would be of little consequence because bleeding-out will take seconds. Understand that? Good, then I’ll proceed. Did you happen to notice the chatter of geese outside? Yes, well those geese are happy to be picking at the shiny buttons and insignia of the uniformed men you brought with you. My children have learned well and are skilled in silencing insurgents. Your men are all dead as we speak.”

“Since you asked about the cigarettes, your rapt attention will now be required and you will need to follow my directions diligently. I have a menthol cigarette here, which I will now place on the table in front of you. I might remind you not to shift your weight from the chair. Here is a full match-book with which to light it. Now! I will proceed to regale you with some thoughts on freedom and human nature.”

“Light another one, Commissar. Smoke up while you listen. We have all day, no?”

“Do you remember the so-called Surgeon General of 1964? Yes, yes indeed, Luther Terry, who informed us all about smoking and cancer and other ailments. They were “linked” he said, “causation” he cried. Nobody cared, about 35% of the population smoked and most had long noticed that their were consequences with tobacco. The same can be said of alcohol, eating too much or eating bad foods like oils from grains, you see? Then along comes Joe Califano. He also was a “anti-smoking Nazi”, he was still railing against tobacco in 1978. By then cigarettes were well on their way of becoming socially unacceptable. Sure, there were assholes who light-up in conference rooms or in a crowded elevator. There will always be schmucks and that will never change, however when the minions of government come to enforce their will upon me, that’s another matter completely.”

“Light-up Commissar, I have plenty to share with you. You must allow me to impose my will upon you now. Take long slow drags. Do not let me see the growing ash without you exhaling the smoke.”

“Those who could have always known that this little ‘crack in the rock’ these little intrusions into our liberties would be exploited for those who seek raw power and attended to by the minions such as yourself. Today there are many ‘agencies’ ,’bureaus’ ,color-of-law edicts and ‘mandates’ that pervade the country side.”

“Smoke Comrade smoke, you need another one. The windows are wide open, there is plenty of fresh air to breath. Smoke another one now. I will prepare a mask for you to wear while you smoke. There is a pandemic going on, do you not know? I am fearful for the health of my wife and children. You will now wear this modified mask as you smoke. I have generously cut a small hole so that the cigarette fits your lips. But you cannot remove it or alter it, understand? Because, you are a possible viral spreader.”

“Smoke another Commissar!”

“What is that you say?, You are…what? It’s difficult to understand you through the coughing and through the mask. What are you trying to say? ”

“I believe that we have had enough discussion for today, Commissar. I know you must leave now. It has been my great pleasure to entertain you and to share some rare commodities with you. I am so sorry that you are sick. The children are coming in now, they will see you safely home with your men. The geese will be happy.”

Can someone of 4 chan please turn that bridge advice into an official looking CDC advert?

Communist, not “Conmunist”

MZSAM says true.