LOS ANGELES, CA—Local man Henry Truckman was filling up his gas tank today in preparation for the holiday weekend. The 19-gallon tank in his 2016 Camaro cost nearly $95 to fill up, and he was feeling pretty down about how expensive gas is under the Biden administration—that is, until he pulled up Twitter and saw that a slice of cheese would cost him 16 cents less this year, thanks to Uncle Joe.
“Wow — a whole 16 cents! Thanks, Biden!” he said, his mood having instantly shifted to one of joy and optimism. “This will change everything! I’d better drive home and tell the wife!” He happily drove toward his house, spending over $5 in gas to drive the 20 miles home.
Americans everywhere are pumped for the full 16 cents they will be saving on barbecues this year, as long as they don’t have to drive anywhere to pick up their groceries, since the gas costs would offset any savings on onions, mustard, and relish. But, according to the White House, as long as the nation is willing to walk to the grocery store, keep their air conditioning off, and not buy any chips or soda, they’ll have a full 16 cents to burn.
“And you can take that to the bank!” said President Biden happily. “16 cents will buy a lot. You can go get a sody pop down at the hop, pick up 16 candies, or even go see one of those new talkies!”
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Calling him Uncle Joe is an insult to the good Uncle Joes everywhere. Please call him Shifty or Sleepy or something else. At his next “press conference” I wish someone would ask him why their net July 4 spending reflected a loss due to gas prices, and not the 16 cent gain that he touted. Watch his head spin because his programmers didn’t program a response to that question.
Leah,just go with pedo joe,works every time,your welcome!
FDR referred to Stalin as Uncle Joe, so this could reference that.
FDR used the term affectionately. They were allies, after all.
That story reminds me of female logic. I have known women like the following, even lived with them.
Husband is sitting at the table paying bills. The wife is out shopping and walks in with with several packages.
Wife: “Honeypot, look at this wonderful Birchenfag purse I picked up on sale!
Husband: “Yes, it’s just as nice as the other 16 brown purses you have. How much did it cost?”
Wife: “ONLY $65 dollars!”
Husband: “Sixty five dollars!!! Are you crazy? That would have filled up the Prius!”
Wife: “But, but … the purse was originally $130 dollars!!”
Husband: “Soooo?”
Wife (shouting now, amazed at her husband’s stupidity): “Don’t you see?? I didn’t spend $65 dollars. I SAVED us $65 dollars!!”
You forgot “what are you – my father?”
Isn’t it true that occasionally, husband and wife must ‘parent’ each other? Or are we all perfect now?
Leaving genderlogic out.
I did spend $130 on a purse, in 2013. It’s the only purse I own. It is less than 9 in by 9 in. It has 2 pockets. One holds the important stuff and the other holds the rest. The stitching quality is impeccable. No sewing gaffes where the stitches veer off to the edge. I’m guessing the people in your examples bought the purse because “it looked cute and matched with their shoes”.
What is cute that matches shoes? That’s a thing?
Not so much anymore but yes, not so long ago it was telltale sign of dressing correctly to have matching shoes and purse. Now its more like a blending in thing instead of matching. I remember years ago women who bought shoes would automatically by a matching purse.
Well hell Doug…………you did ask.
Exactly.
It was. Matchy matchy with accessories and all. Shoes, purse, even belt. FTS. Be coordinated!
Gub’mint cheese?
Canukistan – one of the worlds largest oil reserves. Gas is at $1.45/per litre. Or roughly $5.80 /gal Canadian. Isn’t communism wonderful!?!? Making everyone equally poor as they always do.
Brian – Consider yourself lucky. I’m paying $1.62/ per litre for gas on the coast. It’s expected to hit $1.75 in four weeks!
I had sticker shock when we moved to Germany in 2006. I still can’t believe they sell it by the liter. They can have the autobahn, because nobody can afford to go fast on it.
Farmers being paid to trash their crops:
Evil.