FRIDAY FAIL

An IQ below seventy is a moron, below fifty an imbecile, below thirty an idiot, and below that—Merrick Garland. Typically Garland manifests his incompetence through the FBI, our homegrown Stasi Keystone Kops–evil and dangerous yet funny due to sheer incompetence—but dispensed with the middlemen when he lied to Congress about the FBI targeting parents as terrorists. Chances of him paying for that crime are about the same as the government admitting covid is not so much a pandemic as a crime against humanity. From the leftist viewpoint, if you object to a trans freak raping your daughter you qualify as the lowest of the low; a transphobe! If you don’t know a man can identity as a woman and a lesbian to rape a girl with impunity, you need to stop being so rational and upstanding. Get a lobotomy and sell your soul and the leftist perspective becomes clear.

The FBI might deserve Friday Fail of the Century were there such an award. Among their Hall of Fame Failures:
– JFK, RFK, MLK – lone gunmen; move on and don’t embarrass yourself with these silly conspiracy theories.
– 9/11 – a bunch of evil Arabs armed with box cutters defeated the entire US security state to carry out the caper of the century; no need for an investigation of 3000 murders.
– Russiagate – Trump won because of the Russians, obviously; our entire senior leadership team wouldn’t lie about something this critical. Only a Russian stooge would think different.
– Epstein – killed himself because we and the Mossad said so!
– 2020 riots – Arson and murder are just fine so long as the Democrats benefit.
– Hunter’s laptop – what laptop? You mean the one the Russians planted?
– 2020 election – perfectly fair except for the Russians helping Trump again, but we foiled them this time! So stick your incontrovertible evidence up your ass.
– Raping cheerleaders –We investigated; the coach is a Democrat. Case closed.
– Whitmer kidnap plot – real; take our word for it.
– Jan 6th – People wandering through Congress on Jan 6 are domestic terrorists and deserve cruel and unusual punishment. They almost brought down the government for God’s sake! Those who assert undercover FBI agents prodded them to enter the Capitol are also domestic terrorists and their turn is next.

The FBI decision tree on whether to investigate a crime goes like this:

Was perpetrator a Democrat?
Yes –> shitcan it.
No –> send in the SWAT team (if no evidence is found, plant it)

Given this checkered history it would be a herculean task to make this clusterfuck of an agency even worse. Well, this week Garland’s FBI outdid themselves with their raid on the private residences of three Project Veritas employees, ostensibly looking for a diary of Joe Biden’s daughter. This was just routine action against a political opponent—par for the course for the FBI and DOJ—though it may also indicate that the diary is real, including a passage wherein Joe’s daughter reminisces about showers with Daddy. If there were 10 Commandments for fathers, right at the top would be, “Thou shalt not do anything naked with your children.” Not that any normal father would need such a rule; nature alone renders the thought abhorrent. But Democrats don’t do normal. Anyway, the FBI not only used the diary as a dubious pretext for the raids, it also leaked O’Keefe’s correspondence with his lawyers to the New York Times, which just happens to be defending a lawsuit from Project Veritas for earlier libel printed by the rag that publishes all the lies fit to print. This bit of illegality was so outrageous some leftists even decried it! They’ll be apologizing soon for briefly coming to their senses.

Yes, the FBI goes above and beyond when it comes to incompetence. How to explain it? I have inside information (inside my head) that none other than Merrick Garland ensures ongoing agency failure with a set of screening questions he crafted to weed out any possible competency: “Do you have any principles? Do you believe that the law should apply equally to everyone regardless of status and political affiliation? Did you vote for Trump? Are men men and women women? Does ivermectin work against covid? Are you a white, heterosexual, able bodied person with a penis? Does 2 + 2 = 4? If you answered yes to any of these questions, fuck off; you don’t qualify for the FBI, though you definitely qualify as a domestic terrorist, and we’ll be knocking down your door presently.” This, by the way, is why their frontline officers are called Special Agents (i.e., not the good kind of special).

Congrats, Mr. Garland, your failures have multiplied to such an extent that you qualify for the coveted Friday Fail of the Week Award! You should be one of those retards who gathers shopping carts, but here you are, Attorney General, fucking up the entire country. When you’re finished demolishing the American justice system we hope to retire you to a high security penitentiary to share a cell with Longfellow Bangbottom while Satan awaits your black soul.

As for the rest of us, enjoy Friday Fail.