Media Says Spike In Myocarditis May Be Linked To Ukraine Crisis

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—Thousands of people across the US have been diagnosed with some form of myocarditis, a potentially deadly but rare inflammation of the heart muscle. Media reports say the dramatic spike in cases may be linked to the Ukraine crisis.

“Correlation does not equal causation,” said CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. “But this time it may. The nation is currently reeling from an uptick in myocarditis cases as Russia invades Ukraine. Honestly, we really can’t think of anything else in the world that could possibly be causing this.”

According to sources, Cooper had invited Dr. Fauci on the program but couldn’t get a hold of him because he’d also been diagnosed with myocarditis.

Rachel Maddow of MSNBC also noted the striking correlation. “As Ukrainians fight for their homeland, are they also suffering from myocarditis?” she said on her program. “It’s certainly the case with Americans. Are we, as a nation, so sympathetic for Ukraine’s cause that our hearts are literally breaking? This random nuclear scientist says ‘yes.'”

Though an enlarged heart from myocarditis is not technically the same as a broken or ruptured heart, it remains the consensus of media reporting that Russia is directly responsible for the failing health of vaccinated Americans, though medical professionals have thus far disagreed with the notion.

CNN’s Don Lemon agreed that myocarditis was certainly related to Ukraine, but did propose another possibility. “There’s also an alarming correlation between myocarditis and high gas prices that we simply cannot overlook. Could our hearts be enlarged by climate change?”

“Anonymous sources say absolutely.”

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15 Comments
Balbinus
Balbinus
March 7, 2022 1:56 pm

My close contact in Belarus has just confirmed this to me in an email.

Doohickey
Doohickey
March 7, 2022 2:29 pm

Now that is some funny sheeit.

Please CNN and Anderson Blooper, don’t insult what little intelligence the American public has.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Doohickey
March 7, 2022 7:20 pm

They didn’t insult anything. There are plenty of morons out there that will lap this up like all the other BS spewed out.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymous
March 7, 2022 7:22 pm

Yeah, double checked headline…good old Babylon Bee. They will be out of business soon. Really hard to actually create the absurd anymore.

Ken31
Ken31
  Doohickey
March 7, 2022 11:54 pm

I wonder, now that BB has become basically the MSM, will they go the way of The Onion?

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 7, 2022 2:39 pm

I had to check if this was real.

I could see this being a real story.

It’s not that far away from the tripe we’ve been listening to for years.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymous
March 7, 2022 3:02 pm

I had to do a double take, too. I saw the headline and the image before I saw it was the Babylon Bee.
God bless the Babylon Bee.

Meanwhile, (not satire) mere seconds ago Psaki was saying that the shots are still the best way to stop covid and they’re still pushing the vaxx for teens and kids.

Ken31
Ken31
  Anonymous
March 7, 2022 11:51 pm

And should we be pushing for bringing back burning by the stake, because that is what people who want to sacrifice children to their god are deserving of? Of course the (((Scrotus))) would just rule that we had no standing as mere citizens of the corporation of the USA and not of the greater global project for a better world order, thus entitled to no rights or property (QED).

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  Anonymous
March 7, 2022 5:41 pm

Same.
I posted before I saw yours.
Completely believable CNN would assert this.

B_MC
B_MC
March 7, 2022 4:07 pm

A few of the rejected Babylon Bee headlines….

CNN Replaces Covid Death Counter With Ukraine Death Counter

People Who Haven’t Changed Profile Picture To Ukrainian Flag Added To FBI Terrorist Watchlist

Local Man Protests Russia By Returning Mail-Order Bride

Pelosi Rubs Forelegs Together In Signal For Her Insect Hordes To Commence Their Uprising

https://mobile.twitter.com/The_Kyle_Mann/status/1500293453355184130

Rise Up
Rise Up
March 7, 2022 4:35 pm

I hate Anderson Cooper. He lies with a straight face and knows it.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
March 7, 2022 5:40 pm

I saw the headline and photo and completely believed this was
being reported because it will be in a bit.
The Bee is the actual news given a few days.

Mike
Mike
March 7, 2022 5:57 pm

These Babylon Bee articles used to be so over the top that you would immediately recognize them as satire. Now I actually have to look closely because some of them sound like things the media would actually claim to be true.

overthecliff
overthecliff
March 7, 2022 8:04 pm

Never believe CNN or MSNBC. It is not Ukraine, it is caused by Global Warming. sarc

Anonymous
Anonymous
March 8, 2022 6:12 am

We all know what this ass_ole sucks, hope he gets AIDS.