A Date That Will Live in Infamy

Guest Post by Skinny

How the flame of Democracy came within an eyelash of being snuffed out permanently

A horrific attack on the Capitol occurred last week and with the goal of taking down this sacred democratic institution.  On June 16^th a group of insurrectionists invaded the US Capitol.  This attack was so heinous the mainstream media refuses to cover it lest we lose faith in the sacred symbols of democracy this building represents.  Seven thugs, posing as journalists there to cover the January 6 hearings were let into the building by none other than Representative Adam Schiff.

So clever were the disguises, that not even Adam Schiff, so famous for his ability to spot conspiracies real or imagined, was fooled.  The seven work for a sinister political operative, Steven Colbert.  Colbert himself is a man of disguises, posing as a late-night comedian on an obscure television network.  Since no one watches his show, it is the perfect cover.  Had anyone actually watched the show, they would know in an instant he is no comedian.

The Number 2 man in the operation was on the ground commander and Colbert henchman, Robert Smigel who also poses as a comedian.  His best-known bit is the voice of a puppet called Triumph the Insult Dog.  This is also merely a disguise for comedy but feel free to judge for yourselves.

In addition to Smigel and the Sedition Puppet, 6 other operatives rounded out the notorious Colbert 7, or if you like the Colbert 7 plus Puppet.

After conning themselves past the ever-watchful Schiff, Smigel, a white man of privilege and the other operatives roamed the halls of the congressional office building, banging on the doors of Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Boebert and otherwise wreaking havoc consistent with domestic terrorism before being arrested and removed.

Since the story is so thinly reported, it is unclear whether anyone including the puppet put their  feet on an Boebert’s desk.  If so, they should be charged under 18 U.S.C. 1512(c)(2), Obstruction of an Official Proceeding.  This is the same charge Richard “Bigo” Barnett faces for putting his feet on Nancy Pelosi’s desk.  For this infraction Bigo faces up to 20 years in jail.  The puppet will obviously face additional charges since performing poor comedy while Obstructing an Official Proceeding carries stricter sentencing guidelines.

Violent Extremist “Bigo” Barnett places his muddy boot on the hollowed desk of Nancy Pelosi  Saul Loeb / AFP via Getty Images file

Artist depiction of Triumph the Sedition Dog’s occupation of Lauren Boebert’s Office.  Original from Saul Loeb / AFP via Getty Images file

What is more depressing is that our reaction to threats against Democracy have also become ever more muted.  After December 7, the President Roosevelt convened a Joint Session of Congress resulting in a Congressional Declaration of War against Imperial Japan.  What followed was an all-out global war culminating with the use of atomic weapons.

By September 11, Declarations of War were passe, but President Bush was granted a Use of Force Authorization, which while not sounding very macho was used with lethal efficiency.  What followed was a more limited, but still global war on terror involving the occupation of a couple countries and drone attacks and special forces incursions into several more.  In the end it didn’t change much except for the loss of our prestige and reputation, but it sure felt good.

By the time January 6^th rolled around we were pretty much done with initiating global conflicts, so we just rounded up a bunch of Trump voters, charged them with the heretofore unheard of, but no less heinous, crime of “unlawful parading,” and locked them in solitary confinement for 500 or 600 days.  January 6 produced a lot of arrests and a subsequent Soviet style show trial but lacked any hint of military action, except unleashing a bunch of lawyers (DOJ)  and a bunch of lawyers with guns (FBI) against a bunch of unarmed “domestic terrorists.”

Now we have grown so tired of the whole thing that when Democrat activists attack the offices of Congressional Republicans, we slap them on the wrist and send them back to New York on the Joe Biden Acela.  (Of course, as anyone who has ever been subjected to the bridge outings and other assorted track failures on the Government Rail Service will attest, a train ride from Washington to New York is a sort of sentence.) Apparently, the DC Detention Center is so full of Republican provocateurs, there is no room to house the latest batch of Democrat illegal paraders.

Even the charges are watered down.  There are no sedition or conspiracy charges, no obstruction of an official proceeding, not even a single unlawful parading.  The only charge is a mamby-pamby illegal entry.  Even where this is to be adjudicated is a joke.  They won’t be subject to a DOJ/FBI response as the case will be adjudicated in the local DC Superior Court and not the DC District Court where the January 6 cases are being heard.  Well, not exactly being heard in the DC District Court as it is much easier to detain Trump supporting insurrectionists indefinitely than actually trying them.

How can this latest and greatest threat to our democracy perpetrated by the Colbert 7 since a bunch of Brits torched the White House be treated as a local matter?  This will just encourage future Colbert 7’s and other assorted puppets to breach the Capitol yet again.

Of course, this is all absurd.  Producing unwatchable political hackery, even if done while unescorted in the hallowed (give me a break) halls of Congress, is not insurrection.  However, neither is walking through open doors, being escorted through those same halls by Capitol Police and putting one’s feet on a desk.  Yet hundreds are detained in America’s Gulag, the inhabitable DC detention center for activities that occurred on January 6, while the Colbert 7 are home free while awaiting a sentence that will amount to no more than a traffic ticket.  Had I the keen eye for conspiracies of an Adam Schiff, I would suspect that there is unequal application of the law afoot.

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