Dutch Government Announces Plan To Defeat Climate Change By Outlawing Food

Babylon Bee

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THE HAGUE — In an unprecedented move to curb emissions and save the planet, the Dutch government has outlawed food. Farmers are being warned to stop producing planet-killing meat and vegetables before it’s too late for Mother Earth to recover.

“When we thought about what was harming the planet the most, we realized it was our own citizens,” said local magistrate Luuk Kneynsberg. “Humans eat food. Food kills the planet. We realized if we just starve everyone to death, the planet will be saved! Brilliant!”

“Yeah, we didn’t expect The Netherlands to go this far,” said EU Commission President Ursula von der Leyen. “But we really admire their dedication. Way to go, guys!”

Farmers are being ordered to stop using fertilizer and get rid of their livestock by a set deadline, or their land will be confiscated and awarded to government officials. Farmers have responded by being really, really, mad — a response that has been met with universal condemnation. “How dare they be really mad!” said Kneynsberg.

The Dutch government is negotiating with the farmers, offering them a complimentary pod to live in and a lifetime supply of bugs in exchange for their livelihoods.

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12 Comments
James
James
July 23, 2022 8:09 pm

Dutch farmers,vote .308 across the board,tis the only way to be sure.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
July 23, 2022 8:13 pm

These “Great Reset” fucks don’t read history apparently.
Starving people become dangerous. Really dangerous
because they have nothing left to lose. Stalin got away with the Holomodor
because the Kulaks had no guns and even still they killed any government agent they could find.
Here in America, if you try to starve us out,
we will line the lot of you up against any and every wall in this country and riddle
you with bullets. No blindfolds or mercy either.
I don’t know the gun laws in The Netherlands, but I’m guessing there are plenty of firearms
to put a great deal of fear into the Rest crowd.

ken31
ken31
  Colorado Artist
July 23, 2022 8:23 pm

They don’t really expect to starve them, they just need to boot a bunch of people off their land to usher in their dystopian mega city. There the filthy savages will kill each other, so the government doesn’t have to feed them.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  ken31
July 23, 2022 8:27 pm

“Booting people off their land” is where the rubber will hit the road.
Let’s see what the Dutch famers think about that. I know what American farmers would do.
I know a bunch of them because I help them where I can in exchange for hunting
their land. They are not to be fucked with.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Colorado Artist
July 24, 2022 4:15 am

No starving this time. Your belly will be full…of bugs…

ken31
ken31
July 23, 2022 8:21 pm

This would be funny if it wasn’t what the Dutch government is literally doing.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
July 23, 2022 8:37 pm

Humanity announces plan to restore freedom and liberty by eliminating government.

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 23, 2022 9:36 pm

ALL the european countries. australia/new zealand, etc…say 1o places in total.

88 BILLION in arms. To what amount is each entitled?

THAT would certainly help fight Climate Derangement Syndrome.

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 23, 2022 10:19 pm

Fuck Ukraine send weapons to these Dutch men. It’s time they take back their country. By any means necessary.

Smedley Mulcher
Smedley Mulcher
July 24, 2022 7:01 am

Why not develop a vaccine against hunger?

VOWG
VOWG
  Smedley Mulcher
July 24, 2022 7:24 am

They have one, it is the one used for “covid”.

VOWG
VOWG
July 24, 2022 7:23 am

The Bee, once again pointing out the truth as satire.