‘You’ll Never Take Me Alive, Coppers!’ Shouts Trump Speeding Away From FBI Agents In Golf Cart

Babylon Bee

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PALM BEACH, FL — Former President Donald J. Trump was seen fleeing on a golf cart while shouting defiantly at federal agents Monday. Witnesses claim he led authorities on a daring chase that reached speeds of up to 30 Mph.

“You’ll never take me alive, coppers!” Trump allegedly shouted before horrified golfers. “I’m smarter than the average president! Everyone says so!”

FBI Director Christopher Wray watched the pursuit unfold from the safety of his evil lair beneath the Hoover Building. Sources confirm he was unhappy that Trump was able to jump his golf cart off the roof of his home as agents knocked on the door.

“Ugh, this is why we need no-knock warrants,” he later confided to a Chinese spy that had infiltrated the agency. Agent Wu agreed vehemently.

Trump reportedly did donuts on the eighth hole, maneuvering so expertly that federal agents crashed into each other. He then headed for the property’s gates. “Let’s try spinning. That’s a neat trick!” he said as he launched off a ramp hidden by shrubbery and corkscrewed over a moat of alligators.

The FBI warns that Trump is still at large and extremely dangerous.

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7 Comments
cS
cS
August 25, 2022 7:53 pm

“The FBI warns that Trump is still at large and extremely dangerous”

and they’re right.

cS
cS
  cS
August 25, 2022 8:42 pm

(looking at the downvotes) guys, it’s a joke.

BL
BL
  cS
August 25, 2022 8:50 pm

CS- I upped you because I thought you were serious.

WARP SPEED, BABY !!

Red River D
Red River D
August 25, 2022 9:34 pm

A Tommy Gun and a Colt black powder revolver?

Guy’s got good taste in gunnzz!!!

(Musta never seen the John Wick movies.)

Georges S
Georges S
  Red River D
August 26, 2022 1:59 am

They are available on Solarmovie.pe for free

Art Vandalay
Art Vandalay
  Red River D
August 26, 2022 5:09 am

Next thing you know he will be buzzing them in Air Force 1.

Muscledawg (not to be known as Delusionaldawg)😉
Muscledawg (not to be known as Delusionaldawg)😉
August 26, 2022 5:35 am

This was so exciting to watch unfold, live on cnn, that it reminded me of the really dangerous (for LEOs ) slow speed chase of OJ.