WASHINGTON, DC — In a controversial announcement, the U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing unveiled plans to replace Abraham Lincoln’s portrait on the five-dollar bill with one of Wyoming Congresswoman Liz Cheney.
“We know that many people hold President Lincoln in high regard, but the way we see it, Liz Cheney is so similar to Lincoln that there really isn’t any noticeable difference,” said Bureau spokesperson Alex Gingles. “Plus, she’s a woman, so we’re being, like, inclusive and stuff.”
The announcement was met with praise from the mainstream media, but not everyone was pleased to hear about the change. “They’re replacing one of the greatest leaders this country has ever had with the lady who can’t even win her primary election as an incumbent? Sad!” said former President Donald Trump in a memo released on his Truth Social account. “It would be much more appropriate to put my face on our currency, but not five dollars. My face should be on the jillion-dollar bill.”
Though commentators cite similarities Cheney shares with Lincoln (such as both of them bringing the nation closer to civil war and being hated by half of the population), it remains to be seen how the general public will receive the change.
At publishing time, officials were still moving forward with their decision but admitted that it was likely that by the time production began on the new Liz Cheney five-dollar bills, they would only be worth about three dollars each due to inflation.
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“We know that many people hold President Lincoln in high regard, but the way we see it, Liz Cheney is so similar to Lincoln that there really isn’t any noticeable difference,” said Bureau spokesperson Alex Gingles. “Plus, she’s a woman, so we’re being, like, inclusive and stuff.”
can’t tell anymore if this is fake or real.
“My face should be on the jillion-dollar bill.”
the jillion part might happen.
I am all for a less treasonous and evil person on the fiver.
Plus s/he has a better mustache.
The three dollar bill would be more appropriate.
That would be reserved for Mayor Buttplug.
Maybe Jared Kushner. You know Trump did question Jared’s masculinity one time.
Jared is a metrosexual. Ivanka wears the pants in the family and calls the shots.
Still holding out hope the Clinton $3 bill will get into production.
$3 dollar bills? Remember the old Jerry Clower joke about the New Orleans counterfiters who went into an Amite County (MS) general store? They asked if the owner had change for a “15”.
His response, “Do you want five 3s or a 9 & a 6?”
When is Hariazzed Tubbamen gonna show up on the $20
Makes sense. One freed the nigs, the other fucks ’em.
In WHICH Theater will she be watching that hamilton dude play when she achieves “DEAD on THE MONEY” status?
That is the “Burning” question.
Well with the money the Biden Administration is printing it is all funny money anyway, so having Cheney on it fits!