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It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
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To donate via Stripe, click here.
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Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
Today I begin a firearms safety course, so if you read on Monday that a student accidentally blew his instructor’s head off and bitched when he failed the course you can say, “Hey, I kind of know that idiot.” My motivation for taking the course is to protect myself from marauders, private and public. So when you read next month that a man died in a hail of bullets after he pulled a gun on cops there to arrest him for not wearing a mask in his own home you can say, “I thought he was already dead.”
Because I’m guessing it’s a bad idea to show up to the course drunk on whisky, I can’t drink today. Doing Friday Fail without whisky is as unthinkable as Biden without a teleprompter or Kamala without a muzzle, as hopeless as a Democrat without Dominion, as sad as a cripple without a wheelchair, as tragic as a gorgeous dame without me in her bed, as . . . I can’t think of anything else because I’m whiskyless! I’m hobbled without whisky because, as everyone knows, comedic inspiration comes from a bottle of whisky. Half inebriated, I can type a nonsense comment confident that I’ve come up with the funniest idea that ever occurred to mankind, and when it gets two thumbs up and one down I shake my head thinking only two other people on earth have a sense of humour. But sober, a man second guesses his first impulse as stupid and humourless, then tries too hard to think of something else but nothing comes to mind. Hey, do you think if I showed up to the gun course stinking of whisky that the instructor would understand if I tell him, “I know what you’re thinking, but today is Friday Fail?” Oh, never mind. I guess I can’t drink. This then is my excuse for not being funny today, and for those of you thinking ‘Why hasn’t the bastard felt the need to excuse himself for that every other week?’ I think you’re simply not drinking enough whisky. When you’re stinking drunk I’m pretty funny, if only to look at.
Happy Friday Fail.
Maybe expand your horizons a little and see if you feel just a confidently funny when drinking – oh I don’t know – vodka, aquavit, tequila, rum or my favorite gin?
Who?
Yes, during the punishment phase, absolutely do NOT forget Jill and all that she did.
Silly question, couple of them. 1, is it me/my majic box of lies or are there several postings above missing captions? Do I need to reload the page?
2, I up vote comments I find funny, usually count goes up 1 , but I’ve seen the count go up by as much as 5…wazzup wit dat?
L.
People are upvoting along with you but the count doesn’t refresh instantly.
Just remember the scene from Magnum Force. It’s OK to shoot the target with the image of the cop. They are not on your side.
I guess Amazon really does have a problem with unions.
https://media.istockphoto.com/photos/domestic-cat-caught-a-bird-picture-id1284066191?k=20&m=1284066191&s=612×612&w=0&h=rinCBGtbB6FLQPAIYwyDZOpo3sIOQnrzrGeVZCz_c-c=
Call me when Alexa has to pee in a bottle.
Esmerelda!!
Was the question “what billionaire would to most love….to set fire to?”
Cops are just pissed they were caught up in a sting operation. Officer Bailey said, “Hey, if someone’s going to be attacked it’s not supposed to be us!”
Still, you have to admit he’s sexier than the second choice, Maxine Waters.
Wait, what, are you saying that isn’t Maxine Waters? FUCK!
Samuel L. Jackson’s fitting face.
And he IS a little mutha…
Nothing bad can come out of the perfection that is a woman’s tit.
Be careful of such a challenge. I’m going to get some pics.
You clearly forgot the fembots in Austin Powers which fired bullets from their pendular perfect breasts…
Yeah………like green breast milk from getting the jab.
While attending childbirth classes when my wife was preggers with our first the instructor extolled the virtues of breast milk and ended with “and it comes in such attractive containers”.
And the joke came right out of the LaLeche League literature.
Okay, buddy, you can go too far in scaring people. Now I’ll have nightmares for weeks.
That was probably such a rush for her.
Awesome beyond words.
The original “Boxing Kangaroo”
During World War II boxing kangaroos were stencilled on Australian fighter aircraft of No. 21 Squadron RAAF based in Singapore and Malaya to differentiate their aircraft from British planes.[citation needed] The practice soon spread to other units, as well as onto ships in the Royal Australian Navy.[citation needed]
Compared to her he was a giant, size wise of course.
I know the FG1 Corsair flown by my Dad still exists. I should look it up.
Another cookie my Dear?
[youtube
The only reason to cry while masturbating is if you’re surrounded by beautiful women and they all told you to go fuck yourself, so you did.
The other reason would be that if you were surrounded by beautiful women… and you were one of them…
The reason why English is considered one of the most difficult languages to learn and master.
I started to say something about Mexicans but you also wrote “master”.
Power mower.
Explain that phonetical rule to a non english speaker.
This would make a boner feckincunt a mistaken euphemism, I think……………
And compensating for the fact that when seconds count, police are only minutes or hours away. Compensating for the fact that Soros-owned DAs are letting every criminal out, and so, so, so much more.
And you may be one vs many
I’m compensating for a 5 mph crosswind…
A little aileron, a touch of rudder and you’re down on the centerline no problem.
That is at the low end of the estimated range
Lettuce lasted longer than Truss
feckincunt.
Crime against humanity.
They must be tracking deaths accurately, versus everyone else. I’m shocked.
70% of White liberal women took the clot shot; to bad it wasn’t 100%.
Don’t worry. They’re to ugly to procreate.
I,m gonna need a bigger fly swatter.
That’s part of the SWAT team, isn’t it? You know, because they’re cops . . . who like donuts . . . never mind! I’m sober.
You’re doin’ fine, B0b…
. . . and good luck with the course!
Cicero looks an awful lot like James Woods.
And sounds a lot like Lt. Col. Jeff Cooper.
Yes! EVERY method.
What-no crullers?
The propaganda and fear mongering never ends these days…
In Swedish, the term bullskit means to lie about Russia.
That can only be true if you’re referring to “kebab-svenska” those imported MENA people speak.
Fact check: False! This is a doll made to honour Michele Obama.
That’s the way it was in Europe in 1he 1400s
Everything reverts to the mean.
As it once was, so it shall be again.
“This door is locked for your protection.”
No, seriously is this fake?
Just goes to show for how long they’ve been coming for our children, doesn’t it?
Lol Bob, nothing truer ever spoken
awesome!
It should been read as “They are cumming for our children and they are no longer hiding it”
At their best, this is absolutely true, but have you seen fat Italian ladies with a mustache?
We moved to the area of NJ where the Sopranos TV series was in part based on. My HS was 97% Italian-American children, and every week someone’s dad was found murdered, indicted, imprisoned or under a SERIOUS investigation. But, if you think the practical joker who painted his dog to look like a tiger will give you nightmares, you should count your blessings you’ve not met some of the moms I did as a youth – they were often far more scary than the dads.
Yo Mama
Yo Mama so fat…
when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.
Yo Mama’s so fat she beeps when she backs up.
Hubba, hubba!
Have you seen their husbands.
If those are the criteria, I’m confident that not a single North American child is an alt-right extremist. Just the classical literature one eliminates 99.9% of them.
Do the Hardy Boys or the 1947 Boy Scouts Handbook count?
I have to hand it to her. I told her I hated her because she was so picky.
You need to pick your battles, Bob, and ax the ones you won’t win.
what do you say to a woman with two black eyes? nothing, you already told here twice.
What do 5,000 battered women have in common?
They don’t know when to shut up.
Yet, the video game industry has been taken over and destroyed by these same blue-haired leftist freaks pushing their woke agenda into every game.
Maybe we should blame the crystals?
Seems to me many “woke” are into those things.
They have destroyed TV!!! What are the programmers and advertisers thinking ??? They are racist and mental morons (low low IQs). Even the bottom class of dumb negros are probably insulted by that stupid crap!
TV became obsolete sometime toward the end of the last century.
What you have now is merely the flickering screen of decaying electronics.
Just one data point, but the cats seem to enjoy watching bird videos on the $2300 4K.
You spent 2300 $USD on your cats’ entertainment?
Hell, that would buy premium feed for the shop cats for…
Well, years.
(They only get fed in lean times when they’ve cleared out the rodents.)
OK, and sometimes as a special treat.
Well, not specifically for the cats.
We’re very selective about what we watch. No broadcast or cable, nothing with commercials or a laugh track. No sportzball. Mostly content that we own and can control. Some of the coral reef videos on YouTube are spectacular.
We have friends and family who seem to leave the Idiot Box on 24/7. Drives us crazy when they won’t even mute the commercials.
Thank you for informing me, Apple. I would never have guessed that blood everywhere, 27 broken bones, and my balls in the glovebox meant I’ve been in a crash.
Balls in the glovebox does not necessarily indicate a crash.
Piss of your girlfriend while boogieing in the front passenger seat can have similar results.
Usually with the glovebox slammed on them.
F that. I’m already paying for OnStar.
Brandon’s 79, isn’t he?
EDIT: Some of this post was removed for brevity and clarity.
Now that I think about it, both are brainless, equally so, and I don’t really care who has been brainless longer.
Been to the dentist lately?
My dentist enjoys telling me about the vacation I’m going to buy him.
Hey, guys, I can’t make it out tonight because I’m making out tonight.
You actually called your bros?
Mighty white of you.
I see four good reasons.
What seems to be the problem?
Well, doc, I’m really bunged up. Ever since I used the new toilet paper I can’t shit.
And the woman giving the jab needs to be charged as well.
Thank goodness for Pfizer and the genocide agenda, the US seriously lacks critical thinkers.
This Clot Shot will raise the IQ of Americans.
I disagree.
Many high IQ Americans gladly took the shot.
While lower IQ Americans (dindus) refused the shot and were the main laggards.
(The dumb ones were smarter then the educated ones…)
Another large group of laggards were those with very high IQs.
So if we eliminate the normal part of the bell through vaccine ‘attrition’, we are left with a similar aggregate IQ, but with wider disparity.
flattening the bell curve
I wrote my reasons mid-2021 — My main objections are not based on a political ideology. My main objection is based on several things. The first is a moral objection – the fact that each of the vaccines in the US at least were tested using cell lines procured from killing babies. The J&J used fetal cells in production as well. I don’t care how far removed, the ends does not justify the means.
My second main objection is that the vaccines have their own dangers – possibly more than if I contracted covid19 itself. I am a healthy person who has never taken a flu shot. I’ve looked at the VAERS data and see no need to take a potentially dangerous vaccine for a virus with such a low mortality rate. Coupled with the fact that the vaccine spike proteins themselves being potentially dangerous, why would I purposely inject it into my body? Too much contradictory info with much of the ‘not dangerous’ statements being from questionable sources.
Subjectively, there is a political element to my objection regarding the various group(s) and media pushing us to be vaccinated, I don’t trust them as they are overwhelmingly demonstrably leftist. There is not a leftist on this planet who has my trust.
*********
My thinking has been proven out
Is it because most of the stupid ones will be dead?
I have a hard time seeing a black face with “Critical Thinkers” captioning it.
You’d be surprised.
And I’m probably a racist.
Just imagine Thomas Sowell….
WTF!!
Gee-I wonder why the rate of autism is going up?
I’m expecting the USA to set off a nuke in Ukraine and blame it on Russia.
and sabotage the pipelines and electric grid and blame the Russians.
It’s coming with the certainty that the sun rises. NS destruction is a prime example that psychopathic and psychotic policymakers know no bounds.
I might have said “…you sick FUCKING pedos” but maybe that’s just me. You gotta admit it does sound better.
Interesting – I said that very thing yesterday over @ AllNewsPipeline 😎
http://disq.us/p/2rj2f16
and Useless Idiots didn’t Own Everything including Science. .
Yes there was. It is still available and is called politics
Seems to me the short ones should be lowered by hand, the longer ones reach down to the water.
You clearly have not been injured in an industrial accident caused by splash from the blue lagoon.
I’ll be right back.
Gotta drop the kids off at the pool.
The Cosby kids?
Forgot the nutmeg capital of the world, Grenada.
And here I thought I looked old because I’m 67 when all along it was that fucking poop emoji.
I thought the poop emoji meant you were into scat fetish.
LMFAO
I always thought it was chocolate soft-serve.
👍🤣😂🤣👍
From Follow that Dream 1962
Is this a sign language sex act request thing or a sign language insult?
The only “sign” that government translators need to know.
Why do they need a sign language person when they have CC (closed captioning)?
been asking that question for years now. I can only guess that watching the signer has a hypnotic effect that allows the spoken word to penetrate the mind without critical attention.
They do this for live speeches, etc. CC works fine when they have time to type it all out accurately.
CC is done by computer and sometimes the translation is hilarious.
This is one example of why I appreciate FF so much, I am always learning new useful skills. Thanks CA.
thought that “horned” sign meant gonna have sex and the other means gonna milk you good?
I’m guilty of raping that pumpkin, your honour, but please know that I was crying when I did it.
Judge: “You’re free to go, Mr P. Property doesn’t have rights according to Ted Clubberlang vs State of Massachusetts.”
never used a mirror to look and does look like battleaxe damage?
You musta been scared stiff.
very nasty!
Been to the dentist lately?
I just can’t figure it out. Everywhere I drive I get only halfway there.
Great deal. Buddy got that car 50% off.
“Women’s dresses half-off today”
a deceased Ozarks woodcarver named Jr. Cobb was divorced by his wife and the judge said to split the proceeds of selling the house. Jr. went there with a chainsaw and trailer and cut the shack in half and took it and left her half a shack on the land.
At 67, my genie is mainly smoke and dust.
Then your comments must be from your excellent memory.
… so now you know what to wish for …
at 76y.o. the “genie” never pops out!
“SHORTLY” being the operative.
I saw the attractive lady removing said dicks so I hauled mine out and stood next to the rack. I’m currently out on bail.
I would embarrass my wife by feeling up the mannequins during shopping runs.
Awesome.
Simple solution to the “Let’s go shopping” suggestion/command.
All you have to say is “Let’s do it, baby!”
And then grope-a-rama.
A fag favourite!
Monkey Pox on tap.
Must be a Disney product for kids.
Now I have to explain to my wife how I got a paper cut on my dick.
He was the best.
I liked his character in Miami Vice.
That’s fkn funny right there. No whisky needed.
nkit late or AWOL? Some deep state operative cut his internet cable again?
And left without my balls.
Maybe he’s at the dentist.
Let’s hope not – I’m all out of ammo for this week…
. . . except for this one pix I’ve been saving for the redhead section Nkit so kindly provides.
That’s some good sewing work on that button.
TtIiTtSs
too much for me
I think the kid just looked up at the previous pic and got really hungry.
Visual aid of the last 65 years in the US.
(First step was First Grade)
Pool slime faced
Pool slime covered.
What a Fool.
With the melon bonce, he’s out cold and still napping there.
Good call.
Self head-butt on the pool base.
How can you tell?