Biden Declares The Southern Border As Secure As America’s Elections

Via Babylon Bee

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EL PASO, TX — Following a long-awaited and much-publicized visit to the U.S.-Mexico border, President Joe Biden sought to reassure the American people that the nation’s southern border is every bit as secure as America’s elections.

“Listen, folks. There’s nothing to worry about here at the southern border,” Biden said to the assembled press after touring a portion of the border that had been cleared of migrants prior to his arrival. “Everything happening down here at our border with Mexico is just as safe, secure, and rock-solid as our election system. Butterscotch.”

Critics had long complained about the Biden administration’s lack of attention in securing the southern border, as hundreds of thousands of undocumented migrants have continued to flow into the country from Mexico. Cartel crime, human rights abuses, and ever-growing concerns about the drug trade throughout the region have run rampant with seemingly few steps taken by the government to improve security.

“Our border is as many borders are: welcoming,” said Vice President Kamala Harris, Biden’s chosen “Border Czar” when reached for comment. “And when someone is welcome, they are welcomed as they are, and as they will be. And have been. Welcoming is good.”

Former President Donal Trump seized the opportunity to criticize Biden. “I finally agree with Sleepy Joe Biden on something,” Trump said in a post to his Truth Social account. “Our borders are just as secure as our elections, which is to say NOT AT ALL. Total disgrace! Sad!”

At publishing time, Biden had already departed the border and was on his way back to Washington, D.C., where he had been promised some veggie straws and fruit snacks before his afternoon nap.

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8 Comments
mountainboy
mountainboy
January 9, 2023 7:12 pm

This is Biden saying to America “F#ck You”. He knows the election was dishonest, he also knows he has nothing to fear from Mitch McConnell or Kevin McCarthy.

Dying Sun
Dying Sun
  mountainboy
January 9, 2023 9:40 pm

Notice that it’s “Via Babylon Bee”.

It’s getting to the point that even I can’t always tell the difference between satire and actual headlines anymore. That says a lot about the condition of this country.

bucknp
bucknp
January 9, 2023 7:13 pm

Do You Believe In Magic?

Eddie
Eddie
  bucknp
January 9, 2023 7:47 pm

We need to make sure his Presidential LIEbrary is never completed!

tsquared
tsquared
January 9, 2023 9:38 pm

This GA boy knows that they ain’t secure for shit.

The past two elections we have had the Dominion counting machines that have been easily hacked. My vote for the past two election cycles was a waist of my time. Leading at 11pm and loosing votes at 3 AM.

Vic
Vic
January 10, 2023 1:15 am

All the old coot needed in his party down at the border was the top guy from Sudan who pissed his pants beautifully in front of camera.

Anonymous
Anonymous
January 10, 2023 6:06 am

A fake, a fraud, a lie, a hypocrite. In front of Trump’s wall, illegals sent back to Mexico, homeless encampments cleaned up. The kabuki theater continues with the puppet demented dictator.

WilliamtheResolute
WilliamtheResolute
January 10, 2023 1:10 pm

Wake me when the retarded buffoon makes a cogent statement…or the 2024 elections, whichever comes first.