LOS ANGELES, CA — As Hurricane Hilary prepares to make landfall in Southern California, the World Meteorological Organization has announced that all deaths resulting from the storm will be ruled as suicides.
“We are seeing Hilary continue to weaken as it approaches the West Coast, so we have high hopes that it will not cause any, um… suicides,” said meteorologist Fritz McBeely to reporters. “But we must be aware, this storm is highly unpredictable and could potentially suicide anyone foolish enough to stand in its way.”
Local authorities in Los Angeles have warned their people to board up windows, stack sandbags, and refuse to testify against the hurricane in a court of law in order to avoid being suicided. “The threat is real,” warned McBeely.
At publishing time, several weather sources had confirmed that they are struggling to track the storm as their weather prediction servers were mysteriously drenched in bleach and smashed with a hammer overnight.
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I saw this bit coming as soon as they named the hurricane.
Doesn’t make it less funny.
Nah. They’ll be labeled COVID Deaths. They’re still paying M.D.’s to swear to that, right? No one is going to swallow “Climate Change” as COD. It’s just too stupid for words.
Second that.
In reality I’m fairly certain they’ll use the hurricane deaths to bolster the climate change narrative but the Bee killed it with this headline.
I can imagine Hillary Clinton flying around on a broomstick in the eye of the hurricane.
Now I can’t get it out of my head..but I see her drinking a tankard of Gadaffis’ blood while she’s flying it.
Madam Cankles is gonna need more than a broom to get off the ground.
If she sat on it vertically, it might.
Good to see we have moved beyond all deaths are covid. Hillary suicides is a medical improvement.
More of a lateral move as I see it. 3rd and 10. Time to punt.
She will fuck your shit up