ATLANTA, GA — The Center for Disease Control warned Americans this week to resume all contact precautions due to a new and rapidly-spreading “Electionyearicron” Covid variant.
CDC director Bob Cohen spoke with reporters Wednesday to announce the new variant. “‘Electionyearicron’ is thought to be the most disruptive variant yet, and will be here all through 2024 until approximately November sixth,” said Mr. Cohen. “So everyone, stay home and get ready to vote by mail!”
The White House hosted an immediate press conference to address the dangerous new variant. “We’re thrilled – I mean, um, alarmed – to hear of this deadly new ‘Electionyearicron’ variant,” said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “The President says we’ll probably just go ahead and cancel the general elections next year as a precaution. It’s the only way to really flatten the curve. You don’t want to kill grandma, do you?”
The CDC has released guidelines once again encouraging social distancing and the wearing of masks. “It’s the best way to love your neighbor,” said Mr. Cohen. “The government will let you know just as soon as it’s safe to end quarantine, which we project to be immediately after the next election is over. Just to give Americans an extra sense of assurance, we are calling Dr. Fauci back out of retirement so everyone knows they can trust our word. Stay home, stay safe!”
As of press time, millions of middle-class liberal women had already sewn their N95 masks directly onto their faces as a precaution.
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Don’t give them any ideas……
Just another cohencidence, right?
We need a Kosher virus.
“Koshercron ” First confirmed cases will be from banks.
Here is a scary thought and one that might happen. Welcome to the USSA ( would be the USSR but we are in Com Americak) You may vote for Newson or Biden. All other candidates are removed as not legal or irreverent. Laws are now in place preventing wrong thinking from being allowed to hold office and the courts have been removed. Pure Witnesses ( witch hunts ) are encouraged and all spoke of are immediately cannoned into space. Welcome to a completely peaceful world where all are happy ( or spaced ) and willing to work for water and maybe a little broth. Is it not wonderful to have such happy hard working people?
All other candidates are indicted. There, fixed it.
more likley SPACED