Biden Departs For Israel To Preside Over Opening Ceremonies For World War III

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House announced today that President Joe Biden has departed for Israel to preside over the customary opening ceremonies for World War III.

Whenever a world war starts, tradition has it that the participating nations gather for a solemn ceremony that includes the lighting of the World War Torch, the presentation of each nation’s colors, and light cocktails and hors d’oeuvres afterward.

Biden has been given the sacred duty of lighting the torch, a task that has traditionally been assigned to the sitting U.S. president. And so, he got ready to head out to take part in this national American pastime.

“You know, it’s a real honor to be a part of this,” Biden told reporters gathered on the tarmac. “That nice, clean, articulate black fellow, what’s his name – uh, Barry, yeah, he got to do this when he was President and I was the, uh, assistant to the President or whatever they call it. And I was always jealous of that. You know, as a little boy, I got to see ol’ Woody Wilson light the torch for the Great War. It was a real cool thing to be a part of.”

“My butt’s been wiped,” he added before stumbling up the stairs onto Air Force One.

At publishing time, the pilot had locked the cockpit door after Biden poked his head in and made an Airplane! reference for the fifth time.

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23 Comments
YourAverageJoe
YourAverageJoe
October 17, 2023 7:25 pm

I’d sure hate to be a USA embassy employee in any country of the Arab world right about now.

Their ass is grass…

Anonymous
Anonymous
  YourAverageJoe
October 17, 2023 8:52 pm

Their ass is pretext for act two

Brewer55
Brewer55
  Anonymous
October 17, 2023 9:07 pm

Unless you are in Beirut.

cz
cz
  YourAverageJoe
October 17, 2023 10:13 pm

yeah, but they got so much money they’ll just hire a gardener to mow the grass on their ass.

Jdog
Jdog
  YourAverageJoe
October 17, 2023 10:50 pm

Not just the Arab world. Europe is busting loose too.

Rhys Jaggar
Rhys Jaggar
  YourAverageJoe
October 18, 2023 11:11 am

If I were in an Arab state right now, I’d be expelling every US-, UK- and Israeli diplomat with no intention of letting them ever return….

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 17, 2023 7:32 pm

I was wondering how and where they were going to get rid of Biden.

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 17, 2023 7:39 pm
Anonymous
Anonymous
October 17, 2023 8:26 pm

Hundreds Reported Killed Following Strike On Gaza Hospital: Channel 4 UK Reports It As a “Devastating Israeli Strike;” Israel Says Palestinian Militants Misfired A Missile And Hit Hospital—WHO DID IT?
TOTAL CHAOS, Fragmenting Even Global Media, Parsing Headlines
https://celiafarber.substack.com/p/hundreds-reported-killed-following

foot in the forest
foot in the forest
  Anonymous
October 17, 2023 9:35 pm

WHO DID IT is not a question in the Arab world.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymous
October 17, 2023 9:43 pm

Israel has and uses JDAMs.

Hamas does not.

Jdog
Jdog
  Anonymous
October 17, 2023 10:53 pm

Watch the video, it was not one of those jokey little missiles Hamas has, it was some serious weaponry, definitely Israel.

Goat!
Goat!
  Anonymous
October 18, 2023 3:59 am

Here is what the media is not saying.
“The hospital has been in operation since 1882 and was founded by the Church Mission Society of the Church of England. Later, the hospital was managed between 1954 and 1982 by the Medical Mission of the Southern Baptist Church, known then as the Baptist Hospital (Arabic: المستشفى المعمداني). Since 1980, the hospital has been run by the Episcopal Church in Jerusalem.[2] It is supported by international charities such as Embrace the Middle East.[5]”

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 17, 2023 8:29 pm

I don’t buy this bullshit. A raging “war” going on with limitless opportunities for bad actors from either side to place Joe in danger and they’re risking that for what now??

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymous
October 17, 2023 9:44 pm

Kamala’s presidential run, obviously.

Gavin ‘giant faggot’ Newsom as VP.

She’s probably already received the speech she’ll give when he gets offed by an Israeli sniper, or whatever.

Mac
Mac
  Anonymous
October 18, 2023 2:00 am

Pedo Brandon to make poor choice by sniffing Bibi’s granddaughter. Let the fireworks begin!

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 17, 2023 9:41 pm

‘Page Not Found’

🙁

Jdog
Jdog
October 17, 2023 10:50 pm

Unfortunately, on this one, the Bee is more truth than joke…..

overthecliff
overthecliff
  Jdog
October 18, 2023 11:42 am

The Bee is almost always more truth than joke. That is the point.

OTOH/IMHO
OTOH/IMHO
October 17, 2023 11:09 pm

Poor Biden. Every morning, it’s, “Wake up, Mr. President, it’s time for work.” and Biden invariably replies, “No! No! Let me sleep!” He really is sick of the job; lately, he’s taken to sporting some sort of Clint Eastwood game face to look properly peeved while being forced to carry the can towards Armageddon. Americans could collectively rise up and demand an end to perpetual undeclared war if they would put down their True Crime New York City controller long enough.

Aunt Acid
Aunt Acid
October 17, 2023 11:41 pm

It’s just all so fucking retarded

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Aunt Acid
October 18, 2023 2:01 am

Take a break-go look at some of Hunter’s art for inspiration.

Jdog
Jdog
  Aunt Acid
October 18, 2023 11:19 am

No it is a plan. Noting happens by accident. Whenever you want to find out the truth about a situation, you do what police are trained to do in forensic investigation. You look at who stands to profit from what happened.
All the insanity you see today in the world only benefits one group, the Zionists. The Zionists have sewn the seeds of subversiveness everywhere they been for thousands of years which is why they have been run out of every country they have ever settled in. They are the master manipulators, and control money, debt, propaganda, media, and governments worldwide.
What is happening is just another part of their plan.