Do Your Part For Global Warming: Stop Breathing!

Authored by Pete Colan via AmericanThinker.com,

As if we aren’t already incredibly weary of climate hysteria where everything is to blame from cow farts to your lawnmower, spoiler alert:  they’re not done yet. 

Not until the earth is completely sanitized with Globalist Elite brand disinfectant will we stop hearing about all the amazing ways we humans are destroying the earth.

But now it seems the Global Warming Train has entered the station and can go no further, because alas, human breathing is now to blame.  Yes friends, your mere existence, and not just what car you drive, is an existential threat to the earth’s climate.

Oh, and it’s not the CO2 you exhale, it’s something far more sinister. 

recent peer-reviewed study from the UK has determined “…that exhaled human breath can contain the greenhouse gases methane (CH4) and nitrous oxide (N2O) both of which have a much higher global warming potential than carbon dioxide (CO2).”

But, thankfully, not all people are climate destroyers.

Oddly, only 31% of people reach their threshold of, as the cited study claims, “Methane Producers” or MPs.

Older people and females were more likely to be MPs. They don’t know why. 

Curiously, the researchers also found no statistically relevant correlation between the levels of human greenhouse gas emissions and diet, so fear not; this isn’t immediate affirmation of “thou shalt eat bugs from now on” (yet).  Instead, they insist more research be done.

 “Converting from high meat and protein content diets to higher fibre vegetarian options to mitigate emissions of greenhouse gases from meat production (farm animals) potentially results in higher production of gases in the human gut, and an element of pollution swapping could occur.”

The study does not dismiss the human breath contribution to global warming as insignificant, which is the scary part.

“In terms of magnitude, these values are approximately 0.05% and 0.1% of the total emissions of CH4 and N2O reported in the UK national greenhouse gas inventories.”

So, if they’re coming after your gas stove, they might just come after all you MPs out there.

Soon they’ll be handing out MP test kits like they were handing out COVID tests.

Don’t laugh; as you all know the silliest conspiracy theories of the last decade have almost all come true. Watch your back.

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9 Comments
FJB
FJB
December 21, 2023 6:51 am

Remember, take short, little breaths to reduce your greenhouse gas emissions. Short. Little. That’s the key.

God bless you all who still have a sense of humor (and know the movie where I stole the line). Merry Christmas.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  FJB
December 22, 2023 12:40 am

Remember, this global psyop is to scare you into accepting enslavement
to Save The Planet™

The climate is just the McGuffin.

And very Merry Christmas to one and all!
God bless us everyone!

k31
k31
  Colorado Artist
December 26, 2023 11:43 pm

Who cares either way? God is going to destroy it all.

Anonymous
Anonymous
December 21, 2023 9:22 am

phew! lucky for the vegans theyre only measuring breath and not farts!

B_MC
B_MC
December 21, 2023 9:34 am

“Breathtaking News.”

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
December 21, 2023 3:05 pm

Beans, beans, the magical fruit …

k31
k31
  Iska Waran
December 26, 2023 11:46 pm

Beans, beans, good for the heart. Beans, beans, great for the heart!

BL
BL
December 21, 2023 6:36 pm

These global warming whack-a-doos need to be put in a straight jacket and tied to a spartan metal bed in a mental health facility. THEY can go first with the stop breathing thing. Good Lord, how long before the mouth breathers catch on? I say that every year and yet they are still on the zero-emission train. See what happens Larry when public screwels teach commie nonsense?

Johnno
Johnno
December 21, 2023 11:04 pm

And they want us to believe that exhaled human breath contributes to global warming?
Theodore Dalrymple had some thoughts on being asked to agree with absurdities.

“In my study of communist societies, I came to the conclusion that the purpose of communist propaganda was not to persuade or convince, not to inform, but to humiliate; and therefore, the less it corresponded to reality the better. When people are forced to remain silent when they are being told the most obvious lies, or even worse when they are forced to repeat the lies themselves, they lose once and for all their sense of probity. To assent to obvious lies is in some small way to become evil oneself. One’s standing to resist anything is thus eroded, and even destroyed. A society of emasculated liars is easy to control. I think if you examine political correctness, it has the same effect and is intended to.”