DENVER, CO — A local girl poured out her heart and soul to her parents this week, expressing deep-seated dreams of one day being overweight and ugly enough to be a Target model.
The little girl’s aspirations, grown out of years spent staring at Target advertisements in print and online, had built up to the point that she was afraid her natural good looks may hold her back from ever achieving the goal.
“Someday… someday!” she whispered to her parents after telling them of her life’s ambition. “I may be cute and beautiful right now, but with any luck, I’ll hit an awkward stage that I never fully grow out of, or I’ll fall victim to some awful accident, and then I’ll finally be ugly enough to be a Target model!”
“And what if I just can’t gain weight? Oh, it’s hopeless!”
While the girl’s parents sought to remain supportive of their daughter’s dream, they made practical attempts to manage her expectations. “You know honey, being a Target model isn’t for everyone,” her mother said. “Some girls are just too attractive to make it there. It’s ok, sweetheart. I’m sure you’ll find something you love to do when you grow up, even if you aren’t hideous enough to model for Target.”
“Your mother’s right, princess,” her father said. “Just remember, even if you’re never objectionable enough to be a Target model, you’ll always be just the right amount of ugly for us.”
At publishing time, the girl was researching the effects of meth addiction to determine if that may be a viable pathway to Target model-caliber ugliness.
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She should start a Go Fund Me for help buying tattoos, piercings and blue hair dye. Also for DoorDash McDonalds nuggets.
What an upside-down world we live in.
Just wait ’til the magnetic poles flip.
greta better start upsizing if she wants to go really woke.
Greta better get bigger or no nigger will inseminate her.
Are you saying
If Greta was bigger,
She could catch a nigger?
Worked for Fani.
Two words, sweetie…crystal meth.
A couple years of that and you’ll be ready for your close up!
She’ll NEVER be black enough though.
Little boys have dreams too. As a little boy I dreamed of being the 90 pound weakling like in the Charles Atlas ads, of getting sand kicked in my face, and having my hot girl friend stolen by the handsome tanned muscleman on the beach. Yet fate played me a cruel irony, I was 5’11” and 195 lbs and ripped with muscles. Life is so unfair, now I can’t even be a democrat.
You didn’t drink enough soy milk!
Now you tell me, where were you when I was a little boy?