EDINA, MN — Sources at Cesar Chavez Obama George Floyd High School say that public school valedictorian Wyatt Johnson stunned his parents, teachers, and fellow students by reciting the entire English alphabet during his valedictory address last Friday.
Onlookers claim that Johnson began his stunning speech on a philosophical note by reminding his fellow students to stop and smell the roses before shocking everyone with his scholarly prowess and reciting all 26 letters of the alphabet without even looking at his speech notes.
“We don’t see this level of scholarship in our public school these days, but Wyatt is one of those students who just goes above and beyond,” commented Principal Cassandra Brixton. “Ordinarily, we only require our seniors to be able to recognize the letters “L,” “G,” “B,” “T,” “Q,” “I,” “A,” and “+” in order to graduate, but Wyatt put in the work to learn the other, uh, 20 letters of the alphabet as well. We’re so proud of the academic work that he’s accomplished during his time here!”
“Wyatt was, like, on fire, man!” exclaimed Brandon Davis, one of Johnson’s classmates. “He started at A and just kept going and going. He lost me around Q or R, but I guess that’s why he’s valedictorian instead of me.”
At publishing time, sources close to Johnson were claiming that the valedictorian concluded his speech by correctly counting to 41 in addition to listing all 328 genders in order.
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That’s great, but did he have to recite it while singing it, or did he do it without the melody?
Inquiring minds need to know….
Average Joe, I heard it was inspired by the graduating Haah-vahd medical school class—complete with rapping and dancing. Witnesses reported the whole class got into it with poorly choreographed brake dancing punctuated by prolonged periods of twerking—just old school stuff they had known since kindergarten. An inspiring time was had by all as the students were indulged to “have their special moments” before hitting the streets for good. Several trash can fires were extinguished and order was finally restored after 35 minutes when proud parents, teachers and school board members commenced exchanges of high-fives and pats on the backs for successfully launching another group into mainstream society. Some estimated that the local IQ pool was lifted by several points with the release of these new scholars, but others secretly worried what could be done to top this latest achievement.
Next Time? Turn off the teleprompter.
“Wyatt put in the work to learn the other, uh, 20 letters of the alphabet as well.”
That’s funny.
It is, since they were required to learn 7 of them. Did he know all 57 states?
Since the sharp Principal was aware of 27 letters of the alphabet I’m sure she also told the teachers how important it was that they taught the students of all 57 states. Probably thinks Texarkana is one of them.
I don’t get it.
That would make sense.
brandon’s replacement debut
“Cesar Chavez Obama George Floyd High School”
Why Trevon don’t never get no respekt ? He name ain’t on shit!
In another 5 years,this won’t be satire.
it was satire?!?
Yer killin me smalls! lol! good one!
Headline:
Valedictorian Steps From Behind Podium Drops pants astonishing crowd “he” is a “she”
Da odder gradiating stutends wer certanlie impresed wit his feet of edukation.