THE SECRET SERVICE: PROTECTING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

I wonder if the Secret Service’s new software will detect the sarcasm and contempt for the government in the title to this article. The government is a vast bureaucracy inhabited by controlling, paranoid, sociopathic dullards. These weak minded people care not for the U.S. Constitution or the citizens they are supposed to serve. Their sole purpose is control and power over our lives. They do not trust us. They have used 9/11 as the perfect opportunity to steal hundreds of billions of our tax dollars to set up a vast spying apparatus in the name of safety and security. Big Brother is watching and recording everything you do. Know your enemy.

I love DHS and the Secret Service. (sarc)

Via Nextgov

Secret Service Software Will ‘Detect Sarcasm’ in Social Media Users

Secret Service agents watch as President Barack Obama leaves on Air Force One in 2013.

Secret Service agents watch as President Barack Obama leaves on Air Force One in 2013. // Matthew Holst/AP

 

The Secret Service is purchasing software to watch users of social networks in real time, according to contract documents.

In a work order posted on Monday, the agency details information the tool will collect — ranging from emotions of Internet users to old Twitter messages.

Its capabilities will include “sentiment analysis,” “influencer identification,” “access to historical Twitter data,” “ability to detect sarcasm,” and “heat maps” or graphics showing user trends by color intensity, agency officials said.

The automated technology will “synthesize large sets of social media data” and “identify statistical pattern analysis” among other objectives, officials said.

The tool also will have the “functionality to send notifications to users,” they said.

A couple of years ago, the Homeland Security Department, the agency’s parent, got in trouble with lawmakers and civil liberties groups for a social media program that would work, in  part, by having employees create fake usernames and profiles to spy on other users.

A House Homeland Security Committee panel called DHS officials into a hearing after reports the department tasked analysts with collecting data that reflected negatively on the government, such as content about the transfer of Guantanamo detainees to a Michigan jail. The Electronic Privacy Information Center has sued DHS for more information on the program.

Employees within the Secret Service’s Office of Government and Public Affairs will be using the new system, agency officials said.

Here is a full list of the software’s required functions:

  • Real-time stream analysis;
  • Customizable, keyword search features;
  • Sentiment analysis;
  • Trend analysis;
  • Audience segmentation;
  • Geographic segmentation;
  • Qualitative, data visualization representations (heat maps, charts, graphs, etc.);
  • Multiple user access;
  • Functionality to have read-only users;
  • Access to historical twitter data;
  • Influencer identification;
  • Standard web browser access with login credentials;
  • User level permissions;
  • Compatibility with Internet Explorer 8;
  • Section 508 compliant;
  • Ability to detect sarcasm and false positives;
  • Functionality to send notifications to users;
  • Functionality to analyze data over a given period of time;
  • Ability to quantify the agency’s social media outreach/footprint;
  • Vendor-provided training and technical/customer support;
  • Ability to create custom reports without involving IT specialists; and
  • Ability to search online content in multiple languages.

16 thoughts on “THE SECRET SERVICE: PROTECTING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU”

  1. Does anyone know of any studies done before and after Snowden’s revaluations that indicate if the numbers of social media accounts dropped or not? I’d bet the sheep just kept on keeping on.

    Perhaps it’s just the INTJ in me but I’ve never had any inclination to use social media. I frequent and participate in a few online forums and mailing lists primarily for my own education on various subjects but I don’t really consider that to be “social”. I’ve always avoided crap like FB and Twitter. I rarely use email for anything other than business transactions. When I do join a forum I use a fake name and disposable email account. Same goes for any store “discount cards”.

    I must not be too bad a guy…….got nailed doing 70 in a 45 last week and the deputy told me to slow it down and have a nice day. I thought my two dogs were going to jump through the glass and eat the poor guy. Last Friday I renewed my CCP in about 5 minutes. I’m a long haired (fat) freak that drives old vehicles. Must be my charming fucking personality.

     
  2. Wow! What a totally great idea. I think sarcasm is a total threat to freedom. I knew this totally sarcastic guy once and he was such a total loser!

    You go SS!

     
  3. Feel free to make comments about truck bombs and Allah and burning Nancy Pelosi with a magnifying glass under the hot sun. Big brother can take a joke.

     
  4. “The tool also will have the “functionality to send notifications to users,” they said.”

    Will that “notification” be in the form of armed agents at your doorstep? /sarc off, ha ha.

    @Indentured: When I do join a forum I use a fake name and disposable email account. Same goes for any store “discount cards”.

    Do you really think you are able to hide your identity? You are dead wrong on that.

     
  5. IS , boy you lucky ,according to most people on this site that cop should have beat your ass and shot you 20 times. Woe to you because showing sympathy to a cop is the unforgivable sin. Harry p and Stucky will condemn you to that special place hell reserved just for cops.

     
  6. Dear Secret Service Goonfuks,

    WHY do you protect King Obama, aka Oreo, aka Head Nigger In Charge, aka TRAITOR, aka Joo dick sucker, aka War Criminal, and so on?

    You fuckers hit the Wizard Of Oz trifecta; no brains, no heart, no courage. You would protect Hannibal Lechter if he was King. You are like Terminator Robots, but programmed to hate Americans not in the .01 percent. Next time you suck Oreo’s dick I hope you choke and never recover.

    These are my sentiments ….. influenced by a thinking brain ……… and should not be construed as sarcasm.

    Please contact Chatham Police if you wish to send me an email notification.

    Note: I am an old man, own no weapons, support my local police, donate to charitable organizations such as ‘Curing Retardation In Government Employees”, and I don’t speed up when people want to pass me on highways.

     
  7. Hahaha ,Thanks for the chuckle .Chuckle ?What kind of pussy man says chuckle. You sound like a gay boy.Say that to the Police the next time they jerk you out of your car. Officer you made me chuckle. Weeeeee

     
  8. bb,
    “chuckle” is what a pussyman says? i think not.

    i think you are mixing it up with “giggle”, you know that sound the copfuk makes when your eyebrows tickle his belly.

     
  9. Re: BB

    I’ve noticed you use that phrase “gay boy” quite often. A fact which gives us all insight into your thoughts.

     
  10. We’re reading about now because they’re already doing it. If there’s one thing the Vietnam War showed us, it’s the feds control the MSM. I’m pretty sure they learned it all from Bernays and Goebbels.

     
  11. I’m thinking if they’re searching for sarcasm directed toward the government their likely to have tens of millions of hits. So then what do they do with that info on all those people? A Free trip to North Korea for a little attitude adjustment?

     
  12. Rise Up said:
    “Do you really think you are able to hide your identity? You are dead wrong on that. ”

    No, not at. If they want me they’ll find me but I can make them jump through a hoop or two to do it. With so many other idiots out there posting their real names, birth dates, addresses, pictures etc, why bother jumping through hoops?

     

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