Guest Post by Stephanie Shepard
In the 1990’s Neil Howe and William Strauss wrote the best selling books on generational theory. They created a new historical theory and proved that history was not linear, as most would believe, but it was a cycle. An 80 year cycle, the average time of a human life span, of four different generations interacting with one another throughout history. Their expertise has been hailed as accurate and prophetic interactions of the generations.
I don’t agree with Howe that I am a Millennial. The defining characteristic seem very off to me, they always have. I am suppose to be civic minded and a team player. I have never identified with those groups. I was suppose to be a over protected child and given trophies for showing up. I never identified with those childhoods. I am suppose to be a digital native who has always the internet and instant connectivity. I remember a childhood of playing outside.
Through my own observations and nostalgia, I can attest there is another generational cusp. A big one. Generation X and Millennials are a bigger cusp than any of the generations. Estimated I would say by two decades. A solid generation right in the middle. Generation Xers are estimated between 1964-1982, and Millennials are estimated between 1982-2002. Of course there is back and forth bickering of these dates. It still doesn’t change my theory of a full generation in the middle, starting in the mid 1970s and ending in the mid 1990s.
Generation X and Millennial Cusp
In the 1970’s the first no fault divorce law was passed in California, it gave couples the right to divorce without explanation, and seemingly with little consequence. The social and economic structure went unharmed for a few years. The consequences bore out of the new mass divorce rates would take a decade to effectively observe. Largely they were swept under the rug as just a sign of “troubled adolescence” of the teenage Gen Xers.
They hurt really bad.
I tried hard to have a father,
But instead I had a dad.”
There is nothing I could say,
That I haven’t thought before.”
The first rise of the teenage angst culture started in 1991 with the release of “Smells like Teen Spirit”. The early wave of Gen X were getting out on their own, to only realize there was nothing waiting for them. Much like their childhoods, their was no warm embrace in the real world. They were on their own to figure out and survival mode would be the generational characteristic that would forever stay. The Nomad Generation was fulfilling their roles in the generation scheme.
Following Nirvana’s long shot success, many other Seattle grunge bands began to emerge in mainstream music. A new genre was born out of childhoods of being in the shadows of their parents’ vanity. They grew up raising themselves, going home to empty houses, and watching wholesome value programming of the Brady Bunch. Never knowing a two parent household and homemaker mothers. The wave of the latchkey childhood had begun and would continue for decades.
When Neil Howe wrote about the Millennials there were a few characteristics that he did not anticipate lingering from the Gen X childhood. For over two decades birth control, abortion, and divorce would define a huge cusp generation. Many of the Millennial predictions have not come true because of not taking into account how culturally changing the effect have been. Gen X childhood alienation was not an abnormal trend. The same traits that stirred contempt in their generation carried over to the Millennials.
Generation X and Millennials have an odd connection. The cusp I am referring to is one of a generation raising itself. While many of the Millennials had single moms or working moms, their entertainment was largely unguided. Millennials grew up with Generation X writing and producing the very same entertainment. The music, television programming, movies, video games, and cartoons were written and produce by older generation Xers. Older Millennials were the target audience in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The cultural influence of entertainment during the time had a lasting impact.
The Alternation Rock and Rap during the 1990s, written by Xers, were the storytellers of the pain Millennials were facing while growing up. My parents are divorced. They got divorced in 1991, I was five years old. The first memories I have of my childhood were of my Dad working and never around. My mom stayed at home with me, while my brother went to school. When my Dad was home I heard screaming, intensified anger on both sides, and being woken in the middle of the night to my Mom packing bags. There was even one morning I woke up to the living room destroyed along with ranch dressing drying to the walls of the kitchen.
When it comes to divorce my family is saturated in it. My parents both grew up in divorced households. Both of my parents were raised by their mothers and had part time Dads. My grandparents were born on the Silent/Baby Boomer cusp, and they loved their divorce. Most of my grandparents were divorced multiple times. This cycle didn’t end until they started to age. Now my parents get to suffer the burden of their final expenses. No houses to inherit or funds to pay for their debts. All the money was spent on divorces and child support payments.
The Divorce Burden
Prior to the popularity of divorce, couples remained together, and accumulated wealth over the course of their lifetimes. Many were quite successful in paying off their mortgages, building savings, aquiring health insurance, life insurance, and making plans for retirement. When divorce came into the picture, that structure was demolished. Nobody owned houses outright by the end of their career. Both parties were left poorer, single moms started applying in mass for welfare and fathers had to pay the expenses two separate households. Instead of building savings, a debt fueled lifestyle because the norm.
Now as many Boomers are at the age of retirement they have nothing. After multiple divorces and starting multiple families, they have no wealth security. They cannot collect pensions and benefits from their spouses, they cannot pay off their homes, and they are not able to pay off the debts they accumulated in their lifetimes.
This saddles the younger generations to pay for their parents and grandparents carefree attitude. A generation who never thought they would get old. Now as they age they have no plan B. Their children are not better off either. With no wealth accumulation, most of Generation X and Millennials have a student loan bubble and multiple credit card debits. I heavily doubt Generation X or Millennials will be lining up to pay for their parents retirements.
T4C says:
“You know why I like posting pictures? So I can avoid writing a thousand words. I’m speechless.”
music vid work for me…sometimes, other times they help me forget.
Stucky says:
““How many divorces did you have?” ——— Curious Clam
One.
.
“How many times have you been married?” ——— Nosey Clam
Once.”
Something doesn’t add up, isn’t there a Mrs Freud? Are you living ‘la dolce vita’? —–Nosey Juan
Clammy
In reality, anyone with a “victim” mentality is going to look around for anyone to blame for their situation, unhappiness, whatever… and one’s parents are more often than not an easy target for that blame.
It’s easy to repeat, like a broken record or myna bird, “if your parents never divorced, then you’re not empathetic enough and your opinion doesn’t matter.” At least for someone who is so emotionally dependent on their own victim mentality to possibly see that there are other options. Recognizing those options would mean that perhaps they are not, after all, a victim. And that is anathema, so must be rejected out of hand.
As so many have pointed out, children who are not the “victims” of divorce end up hearing their parents scream at each other, perhaps even physically abuse one another. Too often, news stories are full of children who are abused by parents who are in dysfunctional relationships. And far too often, parents who should simply have walked away / divorced end up killing a spouse and/or their children.
An intelligent, rational person would consider these options – divorce, abuse or death of a parent/self – and realize that divorce is the lesser of these evils. But a person who is too attached to the need to claim victimization will state that their own experience is far worse than anything else that could possibly happen. They NEED to be told they’re right, at any cost – it is part of what defines them, this hatred and anger.
There are places online where people like this gather and thrive in an environment that provides victims with the ability to wallow in self-pity. Democratic Underground, Daily Kos, TruthDig, other boards are full of people who feel they’ve been failed by parents, the educational system, aren’t properly “appreciated” by their employers or society and want to “burn it all down” and replace it with a “kinder, gentler” world where everyone gets an award for showing up, where employees take no risk in developing and investing in a business, yet are paid more than their worth and given free rein to do whatever they like.
TBP is not one of these places. This site is an amalgamation of many different types of people, but the one thing we all have in common is that we believe that everyone should have the freedom to make their own way, to fail, all while learning from their mistakes. Victim mentality doesn’t work here; these are people tested by some of life’s toughest problems (children’s illness, physical disabilities, a thankless job world, long-term un/der employment, and more) but they’re all survivors. Some have even managed to turn adversity into success.
Victims aren’t survivors and they likely won’t ever be successful; they’ve chosen their path, and they’re welcome to it. Just don’t expect any sympathy here.
Z – love begins a few inches below the belt line. After a while, if Wendy Wench meets your needs, some affection often develops and an love matures.
If a woman had the loyal attributes of a dog, pairings and marriages would last forever. Sadly, bitches are too frequently just that and they and we men suffer for it.
I can’t see a reason to get married except for money or unless Miss Hotbox won’t live with you otherwise.
If I had it to do again, I wouldn’t marry. I think that would have been better. No strings with # 1 – my favorite as I look back on the decades – and she and I might have been trying to please each other in every way and so have kept together.
Kids I have a natural affection for and I’ve been taking care of mine. Wives are another matter. If they were less self centered and more loyal … well, see above. I’ve already written about that.
“I only dismiss them (my critics) due to lack of empathy.”
—-Stephanie
I don’t know what to make of this thread. I really don’t.
Stephanie is 28 years old, or close to it, and comes from a broken, divorced family. That’s the central theme of this article. Divorce.
She came to this site, an extreme rarity here for a female her age, and mostly spoke from the heart, not a chart. Even posted a homemade video on her thoughts on a subject, a unique event on TBP. No one else has ever done that. Left TBP a few weeks ago in a snit and came back slowly with a comment here and there, then put together this guest post.
I have put all this together and have come to my own conclusions, which I will not share. But I will say this. I try to understand what she is communicating and why. And respond accordingly.
Sup Stuck, llpoh, Jimmah?
Why does this Can’t Understand Normal Thinking bag of bon bons get the time of day?
Who is this insufferable Staphicunt Sheeptard and why does her emotional baggage end up here?
What a whiney, blameless, wreck of emotional sewage.
Go smoke a joint bitch and quit whining about the coulda woulda shoulda’s.
“The Man in the Arena” April 23, 1910
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. ” -Theodore Roosevelt
SSS- Thank you.
Sss – she sees everything thru er own prism. She is a hammer and and thinks everything revolves around and is the result of her being a hammer. If you are not a hammer she thinks you are unable to see or comment on nails, as that is the exclusive purview of hammers.
She is damaged goods.
Tampa – good to see you. It is a slow day, and it is a bit of fun.
Do not be a stranger! I think about your stuff every so often.
Llpoh- you just spent 6 hours stewing over this internet post (first post was at 6:49!), berating and cursing at a young woman for posting some thoughts on life in an extremely hateful way. Eh, I’d say that’s a pretty good indication you just might carry a little baggage yourself. Hopefully yer prostate will give you a few hours peace, and you can get some shut eye. Huzzah!
Divorce is just another tool given to us by our owners to divide, conquer and impoverish the masses.
Following your logic that you cannot know unless you have experienced the divorce of parents, do us all a favor and do not have children. Since you cannot know the experience and dynamics of stable, long term married parents, there is no way you can provide what you missed out on to another human being.
So life gave you a few lemons? Make some fucking lemonade and move on!
As far as your comment about Minnies not complying with a draft, (if that is what you were saying) I hope you’re right. I’d give my right nut to see a generation of Americans refuse to fight these wars of choice. Unfortunately I believe the Minnies will be compliant little sheep just like everyone else.
I_S
“So life gave you a few lemons? Make some fucking lemonade and move on!”
Boomer, all of the sugar was used up. There is no pitcher. All the glasses are dirty, in your sink, and the waters about to be shut off.
It would be much more convenient if all the young folks would just man up, work whatever demeaning service job that hasn’t been shipped overseas, and just keep chipping in to social security as long as possible. Make some lemonade and whatnot, but that ain’t gonna happen. Any lemonade we make with lemons handed to us by the boomer class will be confiscated at some point.
It makes a lot more sense to opt out, whenever possible, and just wait it our.
SoDumb, You sound like you’ve been tasting the Clam.
Solidum=SoDumb. I congratulate you on your astoundingly quick wit. huzzah!
Am I the only millennial who doesn’t hate their parents? It certainly feels that way. Goddamn, if my generation wasn’t shoving valium and zoloft down their throats like a methhead in an amphetamine factory enough already.
Divorce is painful and bad, but its just as toxic to live in a festering corpse of a relationship.
And divorce isn’t new, like the article suggests. My great-grandfather was living separate from his three wives for most of his life, and never talked to them for probably the last 30 years of his life. He may have not legally been divorced, but he was for all practical purposes. Its just nowadays people are too litigious.
P.S. Never date someone who hates their parents. We base normal relationships off our parents, and they will eventually return to their norm: hating you.
I think if you come from a messed-up family, you shouldn’t have a family of your own.
People see how screwed up their parents are, and they vow to do things differently, but they have not LEARNED how to do things differently. You see this kind of denial going back generations.
You can’t learn how to be a good spouse or parent from watching Oprah or going to church. The ONLY place you learn those things is from your own family, and if they don’t teach you those things, you don’t learn them. You will only repeat their mistakes or screw things up in a totally different way, because you’ve never learned the right way to do them and never will.
These poor Minnie’s have to get something to live for or they will be committing Seppuku in mass, falling at the feet of the Boomers.
BamBam- I never implied I hate my parents. They tried their best, but they too came from divorced families. And the article was not suggesting divorce was new. The no fault divorce was new in the 1970s, and 3 decades of mass divorce is new. Please tell me of any other time in history where 50% of marriages end in divorce.
Pirate Jo- Agreed. Children learn from their parents. I they do not witness a successful marriage, they don’t know how to have one themselves. Also, a lot of Mills have delay marriage for that reason. They saw their parents get divorced, so they approach marriage very cautiously.
Stephanie,
I really enjoyed your article. The connection between X’ers writing entertainment that is consumed by Y’s never occurred to me before – but think South Park.
Yeah, it sounds hopeless and defeatist, but the truth doesn’t lie. Like with parenthood – you might have a kid with a parent who beats the crap out of him, and he vows when he grows up he isn’t going to be like that. Even if he manages to pull that off, you aren’t a good parent just because you don’t beat the crap out of your kid. The bar has been set too low. I mean, it’s great if he doesn’t physically abuse his own kids, but does that mean he has the slightest clue how to raise a child into a productive adulthood? Just because he doesn’t do as poor of a job as his own parents doesn’t mean he’s doing a GOOD job.
Now there are 7.3 billion people clogging the world, fighting over the same tiny pool of jobs and resources. Under that kind of competition, average doesn’t cut it anymore. If you can’t raise a child and do a truly outstanding job, you’re wasting your time. And honestly, you have to be rich to do it right. You need to live in a place where you’re surrounded by achievers and not deadbeats, so your kid learns from good examples, and you have to have the money to get your kid out of government schools and hire someone who knows what they are doing. By the time you make that kind of money, you probably don’t have time for a kid anyway.
Oh well! If everyone stopped breeding altogether for the next 25 years, the oceans, the air, and every other living thing on this planet would heave a sigh of relief.
“Boomer, all of the sugar was used up. There is no pitcher. All the glasses are dirty, in your sink, and the waters about to be shut off.”
This made me laugh.
You mean there ain’t gonna be no more of that ‘clammy clam clam’ stuff? That was hilarious.
Stucky- It is your own fault for intentionally misconstruing what I wrote. These are observations from my own life, my parents, and the children I grew up who were also from divorced families. You tried to undermine my article and received backlash. You do not know what it is like to grow up with divorced parents. I don’t mean that to take away from your childhood, but to belittle my experiences, you have it coming.
I received many likes and dislikes. I have had over 100 page referrals to my site despite the article being posted in full. Which never happens. You want to ignore the 3 decades of a mass divorce trend. Many families have been effected by divorce. Including your family. But instead of approaching the article from personal experiences of what a parent experiences, you decided to be short sighted, and only attack my experience. You do not know what a child experiences when their parents divorce, but you know what a parent experiences. It would have gotten you much further in this discussion.
I have news: there are “single moms” and “single moms”, and to lump them all in the category of welfare recipients is wrong.
Most divorced moms are not, never have been, and never will be welfare recipients. The typical white divorcee is a woman between the ages of 25-50 years old, at least high school education, and a full time job. She is usually trying to squeeze enough child support out of her ex to pay her day care expense so she can work for housing, food, clothing, school activities, and everything else she needs. She does not receive “alimony”- only the women who were married to that tiny minority of men who are affluent get alimony. She might get half the joint property that SHE worked for as well as her husband- if you don’t want to give up 50% of everything you “own”, don’t get married, and if you don’t want to spend most of what you earn on your kids, don’t have them.
Most “single moms” on the welfare rolls are poor, dumb, uneducated women who had their first kid at fourteen, or even younger, and continued to breed through their teen years. THESE are the “single moms” who create our social problems.
I am the daughter of a divorcee, whose husband left her destitute and with a stack of bills from his multiple drunken car wrecks, when I was 10 years old. Needless to say, my mother never received a dime’s worth of child support from my father, a shiftless bum who blew every opportunity for advancement he ever had and gambled our house payments away, causing our house to be foreclosed, a rare event in 1961. My mother did what millions of mothers left divorced or widowed by men who were not upper-middle-class or better: she worked. At that time, a woman could scarcely get a decent job, so we lived in very mean circumstances for a long time, though we never did without nutritious meals or books to read, thanks to my resourceful mother, who knew 1000 ways to cook chicken and hamburger. She often worked TWO jobs. We were alone a lot, and for awhile were “latchkey” kids, during what time we learned how to cook the stuff Mom set aside for dinner, and iron our own clothes. None of this killed us, and we learned a great deal.
One of things we learned is that life can be tough, but things mostly work out, and that no one owes you anything. We learned that nothing is guaranteed no matter how well you lay your plans, and not to be deceived by appearances, like my mother and her parents all were by the very handsome, stalwart, intelligent, and altogether impressive young man in his Air Force uniform who seemed like such a winner when she was 17 years old. People of my mother’s generation- the Silent Generation- married much too young, and my mother married when she was not quite 18. That was another thing that we learned- that life decisions you make at age 18 are scarcely ever the right ones.
T4C
Nah. Maybe sometime in the future. I have a good memory.
I am tired of the constant boomer bashing.
I am ticked off that all Clammy does is complain, blame, and criticize …. c’mon, it’s the truth …. and yet so many thinks she’s doing such a great job.
Lastly, even she admits bringing my son into it was a low blow. Yet, 16 people thought is was a good comment, and that deeply, deeply, offends me. Only llpoh had the balls to call her out … and he was promptly shouted down.
I need a break from this place to chill out. And I’m taking it.
@chicago – “One of things we learned is that life can be tough, but things mostly work out, and that no one owes you anything.”
Bingo.
The only person that will ever truly be able to care for you is yourself. Those without that inner confidence lack the pride and drive to go out and make something of their life. Instead they piss and moan about equality and fairness.
The boomers had an edge over the millenials, the silents had an edge over the boomers, and we all have an edge over people born in the 1800s.
Life’s usually tough, never fair, and an all around bitch most the times. But thats life. Too many millenials cry that their big siblings spilled the milk instead of actually doing something about it.
I don’t post big articles here for two reasons:
1) Time – Volunteering, career, wife, house personal studies. I’m full up right now.
2) I will never publish something anonymously, if I write out an article it will have my name and face attached to it (this is the main reason).
T4C ,you , being a female homosexual are great ass kisser among other things you kiss.Why don’t you tell about some your encounters.I sure the old goats would like to hear.
Chicago- Now that is the type of debate I can get into. A lot of single moms are ending up on welfare. Mostly because welfare is a more broad program now. W.I.C, food stamps, medicaid, medicare, disability, HUD, Section 8, and so on. Most do not end up as Welfare Queens, but many end up on some type of government subsidy.
Your experience with divorce, as compared to mine, is similar and different. The first wave of divorce look damn near the same as yours. Less help, more pride, and a rougher experience. That is the divorce my parents. As a result, they handled their own divorce vastly different.
My mom and Dad were both the eldest children and took a lot of the brunt of raising their siblings. Their parents were rarely around. My mom made damn sure my brother and I never experienced what she did. Her word was her bound. She was always home on weekends and in the evenings. She even managed that while working two jobs and getting a college degree.
My brother and I were latchkey children, but a difference experience as Milliennials than Gen X. We had the boys and girls club. We also were only home for a few hours after school by ourselves. This did make us independent and we obtained responsibility early.
This is the cusp experience I was referring in my article. Both Gen X and Millennials experienced the brunt of the divorce wave, making the generations more similar than different. However they still experience divorce in different ways.
Stucky: Taking a break from TBP?
We’ll see you in about 30 minutes. Enjoy your time away.
TPC ,just admit you’re lazy and selfish.
I was not going to mess with clammerhoid, but the crap with Stuck’s son was the cause. I was civil in my first post, and pointed out how weak her writing is. And, seriously, it is pathetic.
But the crap she wrote to Stuck deserves deep derision. And that is no joke. To bring in his son was truly despicable.
What the fuck is wrong with some of you people?
Nope, you personally attack my experience first.
“First answer, “No.” Second answer, this is yet another Clammy Boomer Sucks screed … albeit more subdued …. and, she’s got nothing new to say, so why bother?”
You get what you give.
@bb – “just admit you are lazy and selfish.”
Funnily enough, I always tell prospective employers and my bosses that I am the laziest good for nothing son-of-a-bitch they will ever meet.
There is nothing I hate more than redoing a job, so when given the change I will always pick the path of least resistance and do it write the first time.
As for selfishness, I’m a firm believer in teaching a man to fish, and providing guidance.
I will spend hours with someone who wants/needs help, but the moment they go from trying to improve themselves to thinking I owe them my time, I walk out the door and don’t look back.
Honestly, I still have no idea who or what you are, or even what you are doing on this website. Your comments are inane, lack no commonality and are bereft of any type of perspective.
Troll? Novelty account? Just plain stupid?
I don’t think anyone knows, least of all yourself.
In my first post I did not attack clammy. I critiqued the article.
In the second comment forward I clearly stated it was her comment to Stuck that would drive everything else.
She really is ill and deluded.
Llpoh- You are just throwing a fit. When was the last time your articles gained attention? Do you actually back up your opinions and writing with your name? Nope, instead of taking a spot light for criticism you hide behind being anonymous while attempting to shame me. Move along.
I agree with llpoh, SS. It’s generally in bad form to pick on someones kids [unless they knockout punched some old person..etc]
I can take whatever put down, verbal assualt, threat, anyone might toss my way but personally I draw the line of using someones child, especially someone that freely talks about their offsprings issues and adventures, truthfully, beforehand, to try and anger or piss them/someone off.
We butt heads, we dont blindside their kids.
I was wrong.
Kill Bill- Well I am also someone else kid. That attacked my personal experience of divorce. Questioned my stability and mental health. And belittle my perspective and that of my parents.
You get what you give.
Solid Dumb said:
“Boomer, all of the sugar was used up. There is no pitcher. All the glasses are dirty, in your sink, and the waters about to be shut off.”
No Boomer here.
Use some fucking Splenda then dumb ass and drink it out of a coconut shell. Immigrants come here all the time and carve out successful lives for themselves even in this economy. If they were as pathetic as you Minnies appear to be they never would have made the trip in the first place. You lazy pricks seem to think that that the world was just handed to every previous generation on a silver platter but I can assure you that was not the case. You think that because you got some useless degree in art history or some equally useless field that the world owes you something. The only thing you are owed is a chance to succeed or fail. Your choice. Considering that so many Minnies have failed even before leaving the gate means that a real go getter has a much better chance of making it.
TPC is a prime example of a go getter Minnie. That guy has his fucking head screwed on straight and is succeeding in spite of the adversity.
Go ahead and wallow in self-pity as your life slips by. Blame everyone and everything else for your troubles. Suck the government tit bone fucking dry. However, you had better have a plan for when the tit runs dry because if you think things are tough now, you ain’t seen nothing yet!
I_S
Stephanie: You’re right, you never actually said that you hated them. You just wrote a couple hundred word article about how they failed at life because they made decisions you disagree with. And don’t try some sort of continous progression of blame, that their grandparents divorced so they must. People don’t work that way.
You say your first memory was them fighting.
Do you really think that things would have been better if you essentially forced them to stay together? What is your solution for unhappy marriages with irreconcilable problems? Execution, so ’til death do us part? Ignoring problems, because its too inconvenient? Enrolling both in the French Foreign Legion and making it Europe’s problem?
Divorce can be the mature and responsible decision.
BamBam- The fighting in between couples does not end because the marriage was dissolved. My harshest criticism toward my parents, that I left out of the article, was the fighting I experienced my whole life following their divorce. Divorce does not stop the fighting. The only way the fighting between them officially stopped was when I threaten to sue them both at the age of 20. My brother also threaten to sue. That was when they finally went their separate ways and stop engaging each other in fighting.
Kill Bill- Well I am also someone else kid. That attacked my personal experience of divorce. Questioned my stability and mental health. And belittle my perspective and that of my parents. -SS
You know that is not the same thing.
I could say people attacked my experience of my married parents birthing me into the boomer age.
Sounds stupid, but it happens. Now if Stucky had said something about your child I write the same thing to him.
KB @4.45pm
My Bad.
“Do you really think that things would have been better if you essentially forced them to stay together? What is your solution for unhappy marriages with irreconcilable problems?”
I see/hear this question in many places, asked by many different people. What’s worse, staying in an unhappy marriage or getting divorced? Like UPS came by one day and, in your absence, dropped an unhappy marriage with a no-return policy on your doorstep.
Here is my solution for unhappy marriages with irreconciliable problems:
Choose well when you marry.
IndenturedServant says:
“Solid Dumb said:”
Ok, clearly this wasn’t the best choice of anonymous poster name. Hello, it’s Latin.
But, ahem, Indented Sphincter, you do make several very good points. Economic collapse will be a hellacious experience for us all, though we really should not forget which perfidious generation sank the ship.
Pirate Jo: What’s the best way to fix a broken arm? Simple, never break it. See, sounds just as stupid when applied to other things. Get off your fucking self-righteous moral pedestal and deal with reality, you fucking twit. What is the best thing to do in a toxic relationship that is very damaging to one or both of the participants?
Steph: You threatened to sue your parents because they didn’t get along so they’d leave you alone. Thats great but didn’t answer my question: Would it have been better for them to live together and remain financially and legally tied, even though they obviously hated each other and could not even pretend to get along?
Marriage is a human made up construct!
Think in realistic terms and understand there is no god, there is no “happily ever after”, there is only evolution of a primordial species trying to survive!
“Indented Sphincter”
Oh that is a keeper.
” Would it have been better for them to live together and remain financially and legally tied, even though they obviously hated each other and could not even pretend to get along?”
They were financially and legally still tied. Just instead of through marriage, it was through family court and court order. They still has the same fundamental problems in their co-parenting as they did in marriage. What my brother and I threaten to sue them on was disputed finances, back child support, and insurance. Twenty years later they were still fighting over money. So we were going to go to court because my brother and I were over the age of 18 and the law in the State favored the adult child over the parents. Neither my brother or I wanted money, we just wanted them to stop fighting over it.
Clammerhoid defends attacking someone’s family by saying it is ok because she is someone’s family.
Seriously, how can anyone not immediately see just how stupid she is? There are way too many morons around here lately.
What she did was despicable, and yet she defends it.