Author: harry p.
A Gen X mechanical engineer who values family, strength, discipline, self-reliance and freedom who is doing what he can to protect his family, belittle morons and be ready for the tough times ahead. Discipline=Freedom View all posts by harry p.
I say good too!
At least now I do. It has taken many years though.
I’m sitting at my desk but thought I’d write a short bit of commentary on myself. I have had a recurring dream over the years. It is not really scary but it does cause me great anxiety and wakes me at night. The fact that I cannot shake it is, in and of itself, problematic for me. After the short career in mining finished in the spring/early summer of 1992 I was at a crossroads in my life and my career. As summer led to fall that year it was decided that I would stay home and look after the kids while my wife at time went out to work. This was done until the next spring when I got a job as a helper on lobster boat. But as that was seasonal towards the end of year I was looking for work again. That is when I was transformed into a milkman. Doing home delivery and stocking shelves in stores. My dream now is as it has been for so long. It seems like forever. I spend many nights in my dreams checking expiry dates on milk. I know this sounds crazy but this will wake me from a dead sleep and must seem to the outside observer as a little odd. But these dreams underlie the problem with Westray I have and how it is for me unresolved.
I was supposed to testify at trial. I was also deposed by Ches MacDonald for the Labour investigation. This man ended up working for Richards at Inquiry. So I was a known commodity. They also knew what I was going to say. When I talk to people about writing a book they almost all to a person get around to the question of whether I am worried about being sued. To me it seems like the wrong question to ask. I could turn it and say why is it okay for one, that one being Trevor Eagles, to question my competence and promptness in doing the tests and go unchallenged by anyone while I remain the outlier. It is unfair balance of power for him to hide behind the cloak of official sanction while am left to twist in the wind. But this is good.
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The date May 6th 1992 is important. Important because it is the last day I worked before explosion at Westray mine. The last day I spoke to my friends Robbie and Larry. I am not interested in being sued. Likewise I am not interested in suing others. I just want the truth to shine in the light. That is all we can do now for the 26 and their families. I am going to do good.
I will end by saying this. I stand by my timeline. If one looks at it, it makes much more sense than anything written by anyone else. I cannot see how it can be disputed that the tests were started on the 5th. For Eagles and the Inquiry to be right in their story the results would have had to sit around in paperwork being shuffled from desk to desk for almost two days before being acknowledged little lone something actionable being done. What makes it even harder for this to make sense is that Albert MacLean was at the mine on the 6th of May. This man was there at mine in part to follow up order written on April 29th. An order specific in coming up with a plan to deal with the dust. For Eagles to be believed that day would have had to pass without any discussion of the samples sent to the lab the day previous. Tests he must of known were complete. If as he claims I didn’t make the call, I think the question that should be asked is why didn’t he take it upon himself to follow up with the lab and get the numbers. Numbers that Mr. MacLean should have been made aware of. We can argue back forth about whether I phoned him the morning of 6th. Everyone in the know thinks that I can’t prove that I made that phone call. Maybe I can prove it, maybe not. This was and is a simple straight forward question to ask. Why the diversion? Why is it important to insist on the 7th? Why? For years I thought the lack of an answer to this question was bad. But I now know it is good.
There are days when I wake up that I think it is time to move on. Most people just want to forget and many days I do. But then I have nights like last night where at four in the morning I lay awake wondering what needs to be done. It will be done. Delayed yes. But good all the same.
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I tend to say good as described in the video. Maybe not verbally all the time, but definitely it is part of my internal dialogue. Failure is an opportunity. Never failing does not imply that all is well, but rather that you are not trying hard enough.
I watched this earlier this morning as well as reading the comments above. I keep thinking about it. Of obstacles overcome including failure, sickness and loss. Helen Keller’s “blank page”, how things can always get worse, the good “ole days”, regret and maintaining an attitude of gratitude in face of adversity.
I also keep thinking about a poem and a parable. The first (poem) was e-mailed to me by someone close to me before she passed. I don’t know who originally wrote it. The second (parable) was vague in my memory so, I searched for it on the net.
1.) ________________
When I Whine
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair
I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I have 2 legs…, the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy
The lad who sold it had such charm
I talked with him a while, he seemed so very glad
If I were late, it’d do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
“I thank you, you’ve been so kind.
It’s nice to talk with folks like you.
You see,” he said, “I’m blind.”
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes…, the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue
He stood and watched the others play
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
“Why don’t you join the others, dear?”
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew, he couldn’t hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears…, the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I’d go.
With eyes to see the sunset’s glow.
With ears to hear what I would know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I’ve been blessed indeed…, The world is mine.
2.)_________________
The Story of the Taoist Farmer
A man named Sei Weng owned a beautiful mare which was praised far and wide. One day this beautiful horse disappeared. The people of his village offered sympathy to Sei Weng for his great misfortune. Sei Weng said simply, “That’s the way it is.”
A few days later the lost mare returned, followed by a beautiful wild stallion. The village congratulated Sei Weng for his good fortune. He said, “That’s the way it is.”
Some time later, Sei Weng’s only son, while riding the stallion, fell off and broke his leg. The village people once again expressed their sympathy at Sei Weng’s misfortune. Sei Weng again said, “That’s the way it is.”
Soon thereafter, war broke out and all the young men of the village except Sei Weng’s lame son were drafted and were killed in battle. The village people were amazed as Sei Weng’s good luck. His son was the only young man left alive in the village. But Sei Weng kept his same attitude: despite all the turmoil, gains and losses, he gave the same reply, “That’s the way it is.”
Also, two more:
Sorrow looks back,
Worry looks around,
Faith looks up.
And, my uncle told me one time that: “Worry is the opposite of prayer”. I didn’t like hearing it at the time, but I never forgot it.
Saw this on a hotel marquee sign back in the early 90’s and have never forgotten it… Worry is a misuse of imagination.