“Golf is a good walk spoiled,” American author Mark Twain is credited as saying. Golf, a game as beautiful as it is frustrating, is played daily by thousands of men and women. Time and time again, a good golf round is ruined by slow play, a call from a spouse demanding their loved one home, or inclement weather. But for one Hawaiian man, absolutely nothing could get in the way of finishing his round, not even a potential ballistic missile strike.
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Alohi Gardner of Honolulu, Hawaii tweeted a video taken by her father, right after the entire state received a mass emergency notification warning the population to seek shelter.
“If you are watching this video, that means I didn’t make it. Because of the missile that’s coming towards Hawaii. I just parred the last hole. And I just hit the schiznick out of my ball,” the man says to his smartphone.
“So, I love you all but I’m playing golf. This is the last thing I’m going to see,” he says as he pans the camera to show a gorgeous golf course in Hawaii.
My father will live and die golfing. #missile #hawaii pic.twitter.com/BT4cPvwt1O
— Alohi Gardner (@GardnerAlohi) January 13, 2018
The text message her father received read, “Emergency Alert: BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.” While he took it in stride, many others were understandably worried and panicked, heeding the text’s advice.
But, as the legendary golfer Bobby Jones said regarding the challenges of the sport, “Of all the hazards, fear is the worst.” It would appear the only fear Alohi’s father had was that he would not be able to make it to his ball for his next shot before the missile hit.
Move along, nothing to see here…
This guy won’t make it to the DOTR, nor will many others living in their dream worlds.
I want to see how it plays out and help where I can.
A conspiracy theorist would say that they did this deliberately so that when the real alert comes people will ignore it.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just not give the alert?
I’d probably do the same thing. Do you really want to live through the aftermath of a nuclear war? I’ve had enough shit to deal with in this life, I sure as f don’t need that.
Non golfers wonder why in hell someone would waste 5 hours chasing a little white ball around a field. There’s better uses of time, they say.
Respectfully, if a golfer tried to convey why they do it, you’d still probably not get it.
It is a difficult game, frustrating to those who have ever tried it with little or no enjoyment.
But to those who enjoy it, this is some of what it offers.
-Spend a sunny afternoon outside, with 3 good friends, laughing, sometimes having a beer or four, in a sometimes mildly competitive game, exercising with athletic skills and fun.
I admire the guy in the above video. He said his goodbyes, told his family he loved them, and finished doing what he loved, as the possibly last activity before his demise when the alert of an incoming nuke? was broadcast.
If that sounds foolish, then what do you plan on doing when the mushroom cloud is in your short term future? If not doing one last thing you love, then hurry to your bunker.
With all that in mind, the following is the humor style discussed on the golf course, for those
who know that each swing of the club to direct the ball accurately is sometimes an indescribable pleasure when experienced, especially if you string 2 or 3 together to par or birdie a hole.
But the vast majority of swings, or “shots” they take at it, are bad.
Still fun, but that’s why most golfers pay to play and don’t do it for a living like the pros.
Nicknames for shots:
Golf Terminology
* A *Paris Hilton* – an expensive hole during a bet
* A *Salman Rushdie* – an impossible read of how it rolls across the green while putting
* A *Rock Hudson* – anticipated roll path of the ball looked straight, but it wasn’t.
* A *Cuban* – needed one more revolution for a putt that stopped short of the hole
* An *Elton John *- a big bender that lips the rim (curving putt almost in the hole, lips out)
* An *Adolf Hitler* – two shots in the bunker (falling victim to sand traps around the green)
* A Saddam Hussein – from one bunker straight into another, still another shot from sand
* A *Yasser Arafat* – ugly and in the sand (a really shitty hit that ended up in a sand trap)
* A *Kate Winslett* – little bit fat but otherwise perfect (hit too much ground w/ the ball)
* *Glen Miller* – didn’t make it over the water (lost ball into a pond or lake hazard)
* A *Rodney King* – over-clubbed (used a club for longer shot than distance needed)
* An *O.J. Simpson* – got away with it (a shitty shot turned out OK)
* A *Princess Grace* – should have taken a driver (used a smaller, short distance club instead)
* A *Princess Di* – shouldn’t have taken a driver (used the longest distance club; hit too far)
* A *Michael Jackson* – gradually fading (a shot curving away from the target)
* A *Ladyboy* – looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems (deceptively difficult hole)
* A *condom* – safe but didn’t feel real good (no risky swing with poor contact on the ball)
* A *circus tent* – a BIG top (club head contacts ball above the sweet spot, poor distance)
* An *Anna Kournikova* – looks great, but unlikely to get a result (shot hit well, but gone)
* * Brazilian* – Shaves both sides of the hole (putt that circles the cup lip, comes back 180)
A Jeb Bush–too far to the right, out of play
A Nancy Pelosi-too far left, clueless on how to get home from there (target now blocked)
That is some funny stuff.
A golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range!
Col. John Dean “Jeff” Cooper