BMW bikes. The egotistical rich man’s Viagra. Provides extended release duration doses.
Lgr
November 2, 2018 3:19 pm
Take-I
My wife hosted a dinner party for some of our friends, some of whom we hadn’t seen for ages, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children along as well.
All throughout dinner my wife’s best friend’s four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her.
The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me.
Finally I asked her, “Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, “I’m just waiting to see how you drink like a fish.”
Take-II
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…
Take-III
A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, ‘I’m too young to die,’ she cried. Then she yelled, ‘If I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?’
For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the cowboy from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.
She gasped… Then, he spoke… ‘Iron this — and then get me a beer.’
Take-IV…
There is a medical distinction between Guts and
Balls. We’ve heard
colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with
Balls. Do they,
however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the
British Medical
Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS – Is arriving home late, after a night out
with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts
to ask: Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?
BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with
the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on
the butt and having the Balls to say: “You’re next,
Chubby”
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the
outcome; both are fatal.
Take-V…
And finally, a vid for anyone inexperienced, yet contemplating the use of a chainsaw…
That was the most cringeworthy compilation I have ever seen. What kind of mental case cuts a tree from a ladder propped up against the tree he’s cutting? And the idiot kicking the white birch? Those are the most dangerous trees on earth because they rot from the top down. Once they die you just wait for them to fall on their own or you risk dismemberment.
They’re always enjoyable, nkit, but these were exceptional tonight. The martial arts tornado, knife-thrower, and wall hurdler were particularly mesmerizing.
Vixen Vic
November 3, 2018 2:34 am
Love Friday Fail.
As usual, nkit, great stuff, especially the animals. Sad to see a drafted kitty.
BMW bikes. The egotistical rich man’s Viagra. Provides extended release duration doses.
Take-I
My wife hosted a dinner party for some of our friends, some of whom we hadn’t seen for ages, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children along as well.
All throughout dinner my wife’s best friend’s four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her.
The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me.
Finally I asked her, “Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, “I’m just waiting to see how you drink like a fish.”
Take-II
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…
Take-III
A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, ‘I’m too young to die,’ she cried. Then she yelled, ‘If I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?’
For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the cowboy from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.
She gasped… Then, he spoke… ‘Iron this — and then get me a beer.’
Take-IV…
There is a medical distinction between Guts and
Balls. We’ve heard
colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with
Balls. Do they,
however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the
British Medical
Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS – Is arriving home late, after a night out
with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts
to ask: Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?
BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with
the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on
the butt and having the Balls to say: “You’re next,
Chubby”
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the
outcome; both are fatal.
Take-V…
And finally, a vid for anyone inexperienced, yet contemplating the use of a chainsaw…
Have a good weekend, Monkeys.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BLsYRfgHWI
Here’s the opposite-an oldie from Wirecutter
I watched my father do something very similar to this. I was about 8 years old and thought he was the greatest man that ever lived.
My son had the same experience when I felled a tree in our backyard and I told him exactly where it would land before I made the first cut. LOL!
His remark? That was the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen!
Impressive.
Thanks, Lgr, they were great. And, as always, Friday Fail was enjoyable.
There is a reason this is considered one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet.
WTF?
That was the most cringeworthy compilation I have ever seen. What kind of mental case cuts a tree from a ladder propped up against the tree he’s cutting? And the idiot kicking the white birch? Those are the most dangerous trees on earth because they rot from the top down. Once they die you just wait for them to fall on their own or you risk dismemberment.
Good jokes, Lgr.
…AND THERE’S HAMBURGER ALL OVER THE HIGHWAY IN MYSTIC, CONNECTICUT…
Yes, I’m old enough to remember “Firesign Theater”.
Did she close her eyes when she threw that punch? Seriously.
Poor sap never saw it coming.
Cops must have been after him.
Putin
Who doesn’t love a well trained dog?
They’re always enjoyable, nkit, but these were exceptional tonight. The martial arts tornado, knife-thrower, and wall hurdler were particularly mesmerizing.
Love Friday Fail.
As usual, nkit, great stuff, especially the animals. Sad to see a drafted kitty.