Thanksgiving is a time for peace and harmony. It’s also a time to own your liberal relatives. If you’re hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, it’s a great opportunity for you to extend the right hand of friendship, and then deck your libby snowflake uncles and aunts with a left hook to the face when they’re not expecting it.
Here are the seven best ways to own the libs this Thanksgiving:
-
Dress the turkey in a MAGA hat. Carefully dress the turkey. But not just like the regular kind of dressing: dress it in a MAGA hat. This is the very best kind of dressing, and it has the added benefit of triggering your stupid liberal nephew.
-
Cosplay as President Trump. Dust off your authentic President Trump cosplay outfit and get ready to watch your lib relatives LITERALLY DIE when you open the door to greet them. Classic!
-
Invite Ben Shapiro to speak. Imagine this: just as everyone’s sitting down to a nice family meal without controversy, you dim the lights. You ask everyone to welcome this year’s guest speaker: Ben freakin’ Shapiro! As Ben begins to rattle off FACTS and LOGIC, you can kick back and polish off your turkey as your lib relatives’ heads literally explode.
-
Say a touching, heartfelt prayer for the meal, and then carve the turkey with an AR-15. After a moment of unity in prayer, pull down the cermonial AR-15 hanging above your kitchen sink and carve that turkey with a full magazine of ammo. That poor bird will never know what hit it!
-
Loudly sing “God Bless America” as you welcome them into your home. When you open the door and they say, “Happy Thanksgiving!” just blast ’em with the entire song in the original language: AMERICAN.
-
Whenever one of your libtard relatives expresses an emotion, jump all up in their face and shout, “FACTS DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!” If someone says, “Man, I’m feeling tired” or “Boy, do I feel full!” stop what you’re doing, leap across the room and tackle them. Then, when they’re in a daze on the ground, shout, “FACTS DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, SNOWFLAKE!” They’ll probably ask for a safe space after that, are we right or are we right?
-
Hand out gift bags with a free assault rifle, a Bible, and a Trumpy Bear. As everyone’s leaving your home, pass out some memorable gift bags. Their new assault rifle, Bible, and Trumpy Bear memorabilia will either melt their faces off or turn them into a real American at long last.
Well, looks like you got some preparation to do. Get out there and make Thanksgiving great again!
1) Make a toast to Justices Gorsuch and Kavanaugh.
2) Say “I heard one of those women on the Supreme Court just died.” When they say “oh no – not Ruth Bader Ginsberg “, reply “no, it was one of the lesbians – Elaine Kegel or something”.
I am using the toast, but i am incorporating it into the blessing and thanksgiving prayer. We got us a feminist. My turkey, my choice.
Nearly ready to have everyone over after much hard work cleaning, decorating, cooking and paying for everything so the family sheeples can all graze while remaining blissfully ignorant that they are the proverbial frogs bathing in warm water.. many won’t be fed by me nor sleeping in my quarters during shtf. Enjoy them while you can. Shall be a grand day observing their blissful, inane, and unimportant discussions. I plan on asking non “crazy conspiracy” questions just to see where they take it or where their minds are or if they are using any critical thinking skills. Shall be very interesting to say the least.
Sorry, but my wife’s food budget is too tight and her food is too tasty to waste on liberal family members. My patience is too thin to put up with them, and our time in general is far too valuable to associate with NPCs, regardless of relation to them. Most importantly, it denies those snowflakes an opportunity to fill the heads of my children with Marxist fairytales. I would just as soon hang out with you deplorables…
Happy Thanksgiving!
Benji Shapiro?
Make a toast to the hope that Ginsburg survives her latest stroke, as you have heard she likely will not make it through the day. That should cause all the lefties to choke.