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It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
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To donate via Stripe, click here.
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Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
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Just forwarded as received.
The stock cupboards are getting bare.
RETIRED HUSBAND
After retirement, the wife insisted that her hubby accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men; he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, the wife is like most women – she loves to browse.
Yesterday the wife received the following letter, from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you.
Our complaints against your husband are listed below, and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor, that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave
me alone?’ EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the sporting goods department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. October 6: In the auto parts department, he practiced his ‘Madonna Look’ using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’
One of our clerks passed out.
That was hilarious. He must have really been bored. But he got what he wanted -banned.
She is likely the ONLY person who has ever won at a carnival midway.
Lean on me
When you’re not strong.
I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on.
Ya just call on me brother.
Vive La Gilets Jaunes!!
He’s like Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare Before Christmas but instead of being filled with bugs, this guy’s filled with guns! 🙂
I know; the TSA let him through no problem. What airport?
Well, he’s certainly ready to attend a government monopoly high school.
What a guy!
I think this was a BMW ad. Mythbusters debunked it.
They kinda got it to work by using a long rope flaked out between the bike and tablecloth. Gave the bike enough time to get up to a good speed before yanking the cloth.
When it did, a few of the items actually did stay upright but it was truly a fail.
It’s a sidecar without the motorcycle!
Sorry hun, you’re too fat to fly.
She could take a shower and keep her feet dry.
this chick is gonna be sad when her connective tissue disorder manifests crippling pain later in her life.
if you have kids who can do these kind of things… get aware.
Tastes like chicken.
Sharks are scary beasts.
Yes, cats are useless.
That circular haircut/beard is fucken hilarious. It’s like a vertical tonsure.
I viewed it as a good centering device for an incoming elbow.
Oprah’s illegitimate son, by Slick Willie? Loves his momma.
As someone who once worked the grill at McDonald’s, I can tell you that the Big Mac absolutely looks great….before it is wrapped in the paper wrapper and sits for 10 minutes in the warming bin. Hey, its about mass production and being inexpensive, not about being photogenic.
Safe at home…
Dumbass. Luckiest highside he’ll ever do.
With Kenny Loggins sitting in..