ARIZONA—Overwhelmed with his workload having to separate countless children from their parents day in and day out, Border Patrol agent Dave Martinson called up Planned Parenthood’s main office Friday to see if they could offer any helpful tips on how to separate children from their mothers.
A Planned Parenthood secretary immediately patched Martinson through to the organization’s president, Leana Wen.
“No, I don’t think we can’t dismember them,” Martinson said in response to Wen’s suggestion that they kill them first. “Yeah, everyone would be all up in arms if we were to kill them. I mean, you guys get away with it but I’m not sure how.”
Wen suggested that Martinson label the process of separating children from their mothers at the border as “women’s healthcare” to deflect some of the criticism.
“The trick is to call everybody who disagrees with your separation policy an oppressor of women,” Wen said. “It works for us.” Wen also gave Martinson helpful tips to help him be more efficient at separating children from their mothers, like doing the procedure as quickly as possible before the mom can change her mind and lying to her about the process the entire way through. “Follow our advice, and you’ll be getting more and more federal funding for your separation practices, even when the Republicans control the government,” she concluded.
Don’t you just love this fucked up country!
That’s about as brutal a sarcasm as I can imagine; deliciously in bad taste.
The candidate who figures how to put that message onto billboards gets my vote.
This can’t be true, if there is no recording, it’s BS in my opinion.
Babylon Bee is a satire site, Brainerd.
Neuday, thanks. I didn’t know that. Never heard of the site.
SamFox
Now that be some biting, bitching and blistering sarcasm….kudos to whoever came up with the article…